


Your Bruised Lips

by Phillipa19



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: 16/17 Harry, 17-Year-Old Harry, 22 louis, 22 zayn, Age Difference, Anal Sex, Bottom Harry, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Eventual Smut, Forced Prostitution, Guns, Heroin, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Multiple Pov, Prostitute Harry, Prostitution, Rimming, Sexual Violence, Top Louis, Violence, and liam is head of staff, louis owns a night club, niall is a bartender, no actual non-con scenes because i wont write that, sorry - Freeform, the zerrie is barely there, zayn had no idea what the hell he was getting himself into, zouis friendship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-06
Updated: 2015-05-26
Packaged: 2018-01-11 10:27:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 41,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1171969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phillipa19/pseuds/Phillipa19
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry is young and broken.<br/>Louis doesn't know what the hell he should do.<br/>Zayn doesn't understand how Louis has ended up in this mess.<br/>Niall and Liam can't help but get dragged into it.<br/>But when Harry's life is so obviously in danger, how can any of them walk away?</p><p>In other words- Harry is a prostitute but not by choice. Louis wants to heal him whilst trying to ignore the feeling in his chest when he looks at him. Zayn is exasperated with everyone. And Niam just don't like violence- well, Liam doesn't. That Irish bastard is always up for a good fight.</p><p>An AU inspired by the song 'Little Lady' by Ed Sheeran and Mikill Pane.</p><p>Polish translation - http://clumsy-weirdo.tumblr.com/post/93388916115/ybl  <3</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Broken Bird

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Polski available: [Your Bruised Lips](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3198443) by [clumsybastard](https://archiveofourown.org/users/clumsybastard/pseuds/clumsybastard)



> I'd recommend listening to 'Little Lady' because it will help you understand what the hell i'm on about with this fic- although don't worry, no one dies in this fic, at least no main characters anyway.  
> So I started off just wanting to write 17 Harry/22 Louis and then this started and here you go.

**ZAYN'S POV**

 

When Zayn had gotten off of the train in Manchester after a long journey from London, he’d been tired and ready to crash on Louis’ couch, he had _not_ been prepared for the mess waiting for him.

 

He and Louis had been friends since they were in junior school, when in year 4 Louis had thrown a pebble at a boy’s head because he’d been picking on Zayn. Louis had gotten into a shit ton of trouble for sticking up for a boy he hadn’t even known. Then they’d just kind of been . . . stuck together ever since. Until university.

 

Zayn had found a perfect English Literature course for himself in London, and he’d been pumped to head off and try his hand in the city, but Louis had never had those kind of dreams. When Zayn had started uni Louis would come visit him randomly, stay on his couch for a week then bugger off to god knows where. Louis was the definition of irresponsible. Fitting that he’d gotten into the Night Club business- Louis spent most of his life in an endless search for the best party. His dad had passed away and left his club to Louis and Louis had jumped whole heartedly into the project of making the club bigger and better. Now at 22 Zayn has finished his degree and is finally coming home to Manchester and to Louis.

 

He had a few interviews with various schools for teaching positions and he was pretty confident about his chances, until then he’d be staying with Louis in the flat above the club, giving Louis a couple quid to help with bills.

 

He jumped into one of the taxis near the station and gave the grumpy looking man Louis’ address. Ten minutes later and they were stopping in front of Paradise Lost, the exterior pretty plain since none of the neon signs were lit up yet, Zayn’s watch telling him it was only 6pm and the club wouldn’t open until 8pm since it’s a Thursday.

 

Zayn used the key that Louis had posted to him- Louis hadn’t known if he’d be home or not for Zayn’s arrival- and entered the club, switching on the lights as he went. Night clubs always look strange with all the lights on. They just weren’t the same without the dark and bass and the smoky air.

 

The place seemed empty so Zayn locked the front door behind him before heading to the back rooms where the stairs were to the upper floor and Louis’ flat. Zayn knew this place pretty well; Louis’ dad has had the club for years and when he’d had Louis on the weekends Zayn would tag along too. Louis’ parents had split when he was young and Louis’ dad hadn’t been the greatest parent, he’d basically let Zayn and Louis run riot when they’d stayed here.

 

On the way up the stairs Zayn heard voices from what sounded like a telly and smiled at the thought of Louis being home, but when he pushed open the door with a grin and a cheery; “Hello, you fucker!”, he was met with the sight of an unfamiliar boy. Boy, not man, the kid had to be like 5 years younger than him, if that. The kid was huddled on the couch, swaddled in blankets and watching cartoons on the telly. He was scarily pale and made up of angles- thin bones and long limbs, wrists delicate where they peeked out of an oversized woolly jumper that slid off of one shoulder to show the edges of what looked like deep purple bruises. The kid turned to look at him then and his eyes were wide and glassy, an impossible green that was all the brighter since his pupils were barely pinpricks. Matted and slightly greasy curly brown hair fell over his forehead in unkempt tangles. Overall he looked . . . Poorly. Like he should be in a hospital or something. And Zayn stood there frozen, unsure of this random, bird-like boy and how he should act right now.

 

The young boy slid his eyes over Zayn’s form, gaze appraising, assessing with a keen kind of intelligence that only came from the disillusioned. He lifted his eyes back to Zayn's before he took a deep breath and yelled “Louis!” in a bored and surprisingly deep voice, before the effort of shouting seemed to get to him and he slumped back against the cushions with a few erratic, shallow breaths.

 

“Yeah?!” Came Louis’ voice from some room further into the flat and Zayn looked away from the boy and to the doorway he knew lead to the other rooms.

 

“Lou?!” Zayn shouted back and he heard rushed footsteps as Louis came running. Seconds later and a disheveled Louis came around the corner dressed in a t-shirt and sweat pants, a red beanie on his head and scruff on his chin. His blue eyes were much more tired than the last time Zayn had seen them, but his big smile was genuine and happy as he came forwards to hug Zayn hello. Zayn hugged him back warmly but still felt uncertain with that strange boy on the couch a couple feet away.

 

“Zayn! How was your train?” Louis asked in his lyrical voice and Zayn smiled unconsciously at hearing that familiar voice.

 

“It was fine, everything was on time for once. Erm . . . Who’s your friend?” Zayn asked carefully and Louis looked a little uncomfortable for a second.

 

“This is Harry,” he said, gesturing to the young boy who half-heartedly raised a hand in welcome, his eyes now glued to the telly. Louis looked from Harry to Zayn a few times before biting his bottom lip and leaning over the back of the couch so he was closer to Harry’s ear. “The bath’s ready, you go get cleaned up whilst I talk to Zayn, yeah?” Louis murmured and Harry turned his head to meet his eyes and Zayn saw the first flickers of actual warmth twinkle in Harry’s eyes, but they were gone the second he looked away from Louis. Harry stood and his height was impressive for a young kid, but his lack of body fat made him look breakable. Harry loped off in the direction of the bathroom and as soon as the bathroom door clicked shut Louis sighed heavily.

 

“Okay, what’s going on, Lou?” Zayn asked, crossing his leather clad arms over his chest. Louis looked at him pleadingly but Zayn kept his hard expression determinedly.

 

“He’s just . . . He's in a bad situation and I needed to help him. Okay?” Louis said softly and Zayn sighed.

 

“Louis, do you really think I’m gonna take that as an explanation?” he replied with a cocked eyebrow, lips set in challenge.

 

“Fuck, Zayn. Look, it’s not that easy to explain, especially not when he’s in the next room,” Louis said desperately.

 

“Are you sleeping with him? How old even is he?” Zayn demanded.

 

“No! And he’s 17 soon,” Louis said, blue eyes wide and begging Zayn to drop this.

 

“He’s 16? The hell are you doing with a 16 year old kid, Louis?” Zayn snapped, wondering what the hell Louis had gotten himself into this time.

 

“He needed help and that’s all I’m gonna say until later, Zayn,” Louis replied firmly and Zayn shook his head with a sigh, lifting a hand to run it through his hair.

 

“I swear to god, Lou. Why can you never just act like a normal human being?” Zayn asked in exasperation but his lips quirked in an amused smile, making Louis let out a relieved chuckle in response.

 

“Look, Harry will be gone soon anyway, he . . .  he has to go back to work. Then we can talk,” There was something in Louis’ voice that was off and it made a spike of anxiety shoot through Zayn’s stomach.

 

Maybe he should have just stayed in London.


	2. Tangled Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this fic is pure self-indulgence, so if it's shit then i'm sorry. I just like Louis looking after tragic little Harry.

**LOUIS’ POV**

 

Harry had been gone all of 3 minutes when the questions started. Louis sighed and held up his hand to stop Zayn’s barrage. He walked over to sit on his couch and Zayn reluctantly followed suit. Louis glanced at his best friend and realised it was probably time to tell someone about everything that had happened.

 

“Harry’s a prostitute,” Louis murmured and Zayn’s eyes sprung wide and his lips parted on a shocked exhale.

 

“What? He’s a kid,” Zayn said softly and then suddenly his eyes narrowed, “But I thought you said you hadn’t slept with him?” His tone is accusing and Louis felt a spike of anger that he took the time to quell before responding.

 

“Fuck sake, Zayn. Of course I haven’t. Look, it’s complicated, okay?” Louis said, trying to keep his temper under control.

 

“How the hell did you even meet him?” Zayn asked with confusion swimming in his brown eyes.

 

Louis sighed, scrubbing a hand through his hair and weighing his options. He glanced once more into Zayn’s curious eyes before deciding _fuck it_ , and telling him the whole goddamn story.

 

******1 month ago******

 

The club was doing well, Fridays and Saturdays were always filled to the brim with a line of people outside, and since it was currently one of those hectic Saturdays, Louis didn’t have a second to even take a piss. He was going through a million things at once in his head; inventory, calling the police on a guy they’d caught slipping shit into girl’s drinks, the brawl that’d started on the dance floor, some girl passing out in the toilet- all pretty standard for one of their busy nights.

 

Louis sorted as much as he could before heading upstairs to his flat for an hour break as Liam- his head of staff- took over control for a little while.

 

Louis had just sat down on his couch with a relieved sigh when someone knocked on his door. Louis groaned but pushed himself to his feet and answered the door despite wanting to yell ‘piss off’ instead.

 

He swung open the door and just barely contained another groan. Derek Styles. Resident drug dealer and full-time tosser. Louis had also heard he dealt in worse things than drugs, apparently there were a few warm bodies on the menu too.

 

“Derek,” Louis said with a nod, leaning casually against the door frame. Derek wasn’t alone; two big, hulking ‘roid heads stood behind him, blocking Louis’ view of the rest of the hallway.

 

“Tomlinson. I’ve got a business proposition that I think would be mutually beneficial, care to hear it?” Derek smirked and Louis looked at him appraisingly. He could send Derek away but then he’d just be pissing him off, and Louis couldn’t be arsed with that kind of drama, so-

 

“Come on in, shut the door behind you,” Louis said casually before turning his back and walking away to sprawl lazily on an armchair. Derek followed and sat on the couch across from him, and that’s when Louis saw him. Harry stood between the two hulks, his body relaxed to an almost strange degree as he leaned back against the wall, his hips canted forwards in a way that seemed unconsciously sexual. His brown hair was shiny and styled into gorgeous ringlets, falling over his forehead perfectly. He was stunning, and his big green eyes were locked on Louis. He stood clad in a baggy white t-shirt and painted-on blue skinny jeans, but he could have been in a silk gown for the amount of sensuality in his actions.

 

“Like ‘im?” Derek murmured and Louis snapped his gaze back to him, but kept his face expressionless.

 

“Why are you here, Derek?” Louis asked calmly and Derek smirked once again. The worst part was that he wasn’t even unattractive, despite the fact his personality had a particular . . . oily feel to it. He was in his late forties, but carried it well, his head still full of thick brown hair and green eyes that shone bright. He had wide shoulders and a tall gait, his jaw strong and his suit fitted. Not bad, if you ignored the filth behind his eyes.

 

“Your club is popular, I figured you could . . . provide an extra service for your customers that I would make available, and we could cut the profit between the two of us.” Derek’s voice was all business, but there was a glint in his eyes that had Louis almost squirming in disgust.

 

“And what does this extra service entail?” Louis asked, unable to keep the slight mocking edge out of his voice. Louis knew that this was probably about drugs, he wasn’t an idiot, but Derek had another thing coming if he though Louis would be willing to go into that business.

 

“Well, what do most people on a night out want? They can get drugs any time they want, pretty easy to come by. See, there’s something else that sells, and it’s harder to get a hold of, especially for free,” Derek said casually and Louis felt the first stirrings of actual confusion. If this wasn’t about drugs, then what was it about?

 

“Derek, I do actually have a club to run, so if you could get to the point a little faster?” Louis said calmly, knowing he needed to make it clear that he wasn’t a pushover.

 

“I have another business meeting, I’m afraid. Me and my men are gonna have to head off. Harry’ll stay for as long as you need him, he’ll explain any details for me,” Derek said smoothly and stood without another word. Louis stood, knowing his face reflected his utter bafflement, and watched dumbly as they left, leaving that striking young lad alone with him.

 

“Care to explain what the hell just happened?” Louis asked dryly as Harry slid out a hand and closed the door that Derek’s men had left open. Harry’s eyes looked him up and down, judging, before he started to stalk forwards in a rolling gait that Louis couldn’t help but admire. Suddenly Harry was so close that their chests brushed each time their bodies swayed. Harry lifted his hands and pushed against Louis’ chest, causing him to sit back down on the plush armchair.

 

Louis sat there awestruck as Harry climbed onto his lap, straddling him with practised ease, raising a hand to cup Louis jaw, leaning down so that his lips brushed Louis’ with every word.

 

“There’s something that sells for a lot of money, and it isn’t drugs, Mr Tomlinson,” Harry purred in a deep voice that shot arousal through Louis’ lower abdomen.

 

“What’s that?” Louis whispered against Harry’s lips, although he now had a very good idea.

 

“Me, of course. People like me. Sex sells, isn’t that the phrase?” Harry purred before grazing his teeth over Louis’ bottom lip teasingly.

 

“I don’t pay to fuck, darling. I can get it easy enough without resorting to that,” Louis mocked, lifting a hand to circle one side of Harry’s neck, the pale, delicate skin contrasting nicely with his tanned, marked hand.

 

“I’m a freebie for you. A little treat to lure you in. And then if you accept the deal I’ll be yours for free, any time you want me. Derek intends to keep you happy by any means,” Harry murmured, and his hips had been steadily rocking back and forth, spurring Louis’ arousal, his body tensing, _reacting_.

 

“Hmm, now _that_ sounds promising,” Louis purred and Harry sealed their mouths together. Harry kissed him with a skill that Louis fought to gain control over, until Harry meekly accepted and became malleable under Louis’ lips. Harry’s hands had Louis’ trousers undone and shoved down before Louis even took a breath, and then the lad was sliding down his body to mouth at Louis’ cloth-covered cock, dampening the material of Louis' boxers with his mouth. “Shit,” Louis exhaled before reaching down a hand, wanting to make Harry look up, wanting to see those beautiful eyes. When Harry met his eyes Louis’ arousal was doused as if he’d been shoved into the fucking Atlantic.

 

Harry’s eyes were . . . dead. That was the only word Louis could think of. It was like Harry himself had disconnected from his body. That alone sent alarm bells ringing through him. Harry went as if to continue his ministrations and Louis quickly knocked Harry’s hands away so he could pull his trousers back up. Harry sat back on his ankles, still knelt between Louis’ legs.

 

“Have I done something wrong?” Harry asked, and a sliver of fear wormed it’s way into those blank eyes. “I can fix it. What do you want from me?” Harry asked and Louis felt sick. Harry would do anything Louis asked right now, it was all there on his pretty face. A face that suddenly caused Louis a bit of panic.

 

“How old are you?” Louis murmured, unable to raise his voice. Harry’s eyes became appraising once more before he answered, seemingly honest.

 

“16,” Harry replied in an eerily calm voice. Louis rubbed a hand over his face in slight relief.

 

“At least you’re fucking legal. Fuck. You’re so young. Why the hell are you doing this?” Louis asked, frowning at this strange boy.

 

“It’s a job,” Harry shrugged, but it wasn’t the truth, his eyes were still utterly blank.

 

“You’re lying. You know what, if you aren’t going to be forth coming then I’ve got a better idea,” Louis said, crossing his arms, and the sudden movement made Harry cringe in fear, and though he recovered well, Louis had seen it.

 

“What idea is that, Mr Tomlinson?” Harry murmured, and Louis saw the fear again, knew Harry thought Louis would hurt him to get answers. Strange how someone with such dead eyes seemed to express so much if only you knew how to look for it.

 

“Food,” Louis said decisively and stood up. He headed over to the kitchen and in his peripheral vision he could see Harry struggle to decide whether or not he was supposed to follow Louis.

 

Harry seemed to get control of himself, and he stood to follow Louis, his eyes wide and seemingly guileless.

 

“What are you doing?” Harry murmured and Louis didn’t bother to stop what he was doing.

 

“Making beans on toast. I’m hungry and you look like you could do to gain a stone or two,” Louis said with a wry twist of his lips, pouring a tin of beans into a pan and placing it on the hob to cook.

 

“W-what?” Came Harry’s nervous reply and Louis finally turned to take Harry in. The boy was stood in the centre of the kitchen looking less blank and more nervous at the prospect of beans on toast than Louis thought was possible.

 

“It’s just food, Harry,” Louis shrugged and Harry’s head tilted in an almost cat-like manner.

 

“Why?” Harry murmured.

 

“Why, what?” Louis asked calmly, knowing that he needed to be patient right now. Harry was like a skittish deer, Louis had the feeling he’d bolt if he felt the loss of too much control.

 

“Why are you feeding me? You don’t have to like, look after me, you know? I’m just here for you,” Harry explained and the look on his face made it clear he thought Louis was being an idiot, and that Louis obviously didn’t understand how this kind of thing worked. Louis was more aware than Harry had figured out. He could see it in Harry’s eyes that he was on something, and from the marks on his inner arm, Louis guessed it was probably heroin. Harry was gaunt, far too thin and far too pale, and Louis didn’t understand everything yet but he was pretty sure Harry wasn’t in this business out of his own free will. He should be in college, not fucking men for money and taking heroin.

 

“Well I wanna feed you, so are you gonna refuse and piss me off?” Louis asked with an arched brow and Harry shook his head quickly, taking a nervous step towards Louis. Louis had known that that would get to him. Seemed that the only thing Harry cared about was keeping Louis happy, probably because Derek would punish him in some way for losing Louis as a customer. “Go sit at the table, I’ll bring it over.” The toast popped up and it made Harry jump but the younger boy did as he was told and shuffled over to the dining table, sitting down carefully, as if he was afraid of breaking something. Louis dished up the food and carried it over, it took Harry a few moments of simply watching Louis eat but he finally took a tentative bite. It took him a while to eat it but Louis waited patiently.

 

“Thank you,” Harry almost whispered and Louis smiled at him, Harry blushing under his direct gaze.

 

“Let me ask you something. If I take this deal and you’re mine, does that make you exclusively mine or would you still go onto other jobs?” Louis asked as casually as he could considering he’s talking about prostitution.

 

“I’m . . . I’m one of his most popular employees, so I’d still see other customers. Otherwise he’d lose money,” Harry murmured back, fingers twisting together on his lap.

 

“Right, but if you came here often then that’s still less times you’d be with other guys, right?” Louis asked, thinking as fast as he could. Something in him wouldn’t let him just walk away from this, he’d never forgive himself.

 

“Yeah, Derek wouldn’t want me doing too many other jobs because then I’d be . . . too used when I came for my visits with you,” The word ‘used’ made Louis flinch but Harry said it as if it was a common adjective he used about himself.

 

“Right. Well, I have to get back downstairs soon,” Louis started and paused to take a drink, but Harry seemed to interpret that as Louis finishing his sentence as he shuffled to his knees on the floor, sliding from his chair and over to Louis’ legs. Louis looked at him in confusion then understanding as Harry’s hands went back to his trouser button. Louis grabbed his hands before Harry could open Louis’ trousers and Harry looked up at him with wide and baffled eyes. “What are you doing?” Louis asked softly and Harry’s eyes clouded with even more confusion.

 

“You said you needed to go soon. I figured that . . . You wanted me to . . . before you had to,” Harry stumbled over his words and Louis took pity on him.

 

“I’m going to take this deal. But I don’t want anything from you. You’re going to tell Derek that I found you satisfying, and you aren’t going to tell him what really happens here. Understand?” Louis said clearly and Harry’s mouth opened and closed a few times as he struggled to find the words.

 

“I don’t . . . I don’t understand,” Harry said finally, shaking his head a little.

 

“You don’t need to. You just need to tell Derek that you’re the only payment I need, I don’t want money. And that he can only advertise in my club on Friday nights. The only payment I want is unlimited access to you, got it?” Louis said and Harry reluctantly nodded. Louis stood and walked away from Harry, switching the telly on and putting the channel changer on the coffee table so Harry could find it. When he turned back around Harry still sat on his knees on the kitchen floor.

 

“Why are you doing this?” Harry murmured, his eyes defensive, his arms wrapped around himself. Vulnerable.

 

“Because you deserve a little kindness.” Louis said before silently leaving his apartment, locking his door after a second of thought, and heading back down to the club.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if you guys have any thoughts about what you'd like to see in this fic i'd be happy to take suggestions.


	3. Resistance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for being a crappy updater, i have a load of Uni work on at the moment. I hope you like this chapter anyway :) It mentions abuse and off screen non-con and violence so just be wary please xx

Zayn had reluctantly agreed to let Louis deal with the Harry situation, and Louis figured this was mostly to do with the fact that Zayn honestly didn’t know what should be done. They couldn’t just call the police, there was a chance Louis would be in trouble for allowing Dereck to advertise in his club, and Harry’s life could be put on the line if Derek figured out what Louis had done.

 

Louis hadn’t seen Harry in three days but that wasn’t completely unusual; Harry simply showed up every few days and used Louis’ apartment as sanctuary. Harry never talked about it but Louis figured that Harry came to him on the days he’d been on jobs; that a part of Harry wanted the comfort Louis somehow gave to him. His theory was proven right in the worst way possible, and suddenly Louis wished he had no knowledge of what happened to Harry outside of his walls.

 

It was around 11:00pm that night when Louis heard a quiet knock on his bedroom door. Louis sat up warily and floundered for a second as to what was the proper protocol when your murderer apparently had manners. Come on in? I’m ready to walk into the light, thank you for your trouble?

 

“Louis?” Came a cracked voice a few seconds later and relief washed through Louis before being replaced by worry.

 

“Harry?” Louis called and he jumped out of bed and swung open his bedroom door. Harry stood on the other side of the door, eyes wide and worryingly vacant. His face was streaked with dirt and what looked like a little dried blood, tears tracks having made clean streaks through the mess. His hair was snarled around his face and it made him look even younger. His faded skinny jeans were dust and dirt streaked and his grey t-shirt was ripped in random places and dirty too. It looked like he’d been dragged on a floor. That was when Louis noticed his bare arms.

 

Hand-print shaped bruises littered Harry’s pale skin. Purple, angry looking marks that lanced pain through Louis’ chest when he looked at them. It took a lot of pressure for there to be literally finger shaped marks, and Louis was going to throw up if he kept analysing them.

 

“C-can I-” Harry’s shaking voice was cut off when a noise down the hall made him jump. Zayn blearily wandered into the hallway, eyes confused and questioning. Zayn saw Harry and nodded in understanding before going back into his room without a word. What Louis hadn’t expected was Harry’s response. The younger boy had flinched at the sight of Louis’ best friend and begun to inch his way closer to Louis with a look of fear in his eyes that he was trying and failing to hide.

 

Louis took a chance and reached a tentative hand up to touch Harry’s shoulder and the boy jerked so hard his arm hit the door frame with a thud, his eyes never leaving Louis’. Louis raised his hands in the universal ‘I mean no harm’ gesture and Harry’s eyes flicked over his hands before he seemed to steel himself for something. Louis found out what when Harry took a decisive step forwards before tucking himself against Louis’ chest.

 

Louis stood in frozen confusion for a few moments before hesitantly wrapping his arms around Harry’s delicate body. When his arms settled Harry sagged against him and shuddered. Louis stayed silent as long as he could but he couldn’t let this one slide. Those bruises were horrific and Louis had to know if Harry was harmed anywhere else and if he needed to get his first aid kit out from under the sink.

 

“Harry? You need to tell me what happened, okay?” Louis whispered against Harry’s hair and he felt the younger boy tense before the curly haired head shook in the negative, making Louis sigh. Louis pulled back, causing a little helpless noise to escape Harry’s lips, and forced Harry to meet his eyes. “What happened?”

 

“I can’t . . . We don’t talk about this,” Harry whispered desperately, his big green eyes filled with anguish but dry of tears.

 

“I can’t just act oblivious when you look this bad, Harry,” Louis replied, leashed pain in every syllable. Harry’s face seemed to crumble a little at that.

 

“Do I look that bad?” Harry asked, eyes vulnerable and hurt. Louis lifted lightly shaking fingers to brush against Harry’s cheekbone.

 

“You look hurt, and in need of help, so please, _please_ just let me give it to you?” Louis asked, a begging edge to his tone. Harry was silent for so long that Louis was about to full-out beg, but before he could speak Harry’s words cut him to the core.

 

“U- . . . Derek didn’t warn me,” Harry whispered haltingly, refusing to meet Louis' gaze.

 

“About what, Harry?” Louis asked, but a part of him didn’t want to hear this, didn’t want to know, _never_ wanted to know.

 

“There were seven of them,” came Harry’s choked answer, his eyes filled with nightmares Louis couldn’t even begin to comprehend.

 

“H-how . . . How many did you think there were?” Louis forced himself to ask.

 

“Just one,” Harry replied and finally tears fell down his dirty face, carving new paths through the grime. Louis’ throat felt tight and raw, but he forced himself to stay calm for Harry. “A man in a suit met me at this big warehouse. I thought it was just like usual. But then his friends came in from an adjoining room. T-they said Derek approved it,” Harry continued brokenly.

 

“Why did they hurt you so bad?” Louis asked, every second wishing he could just run away but hating himself for being such a coward.

 

“They were being rough and I didn’t know what to do. I’m supposed to let it happen but . . . It hurt real bad and I just . . . I wanted to leave, I wanted to come here, to see you,” Harry murmured and Louis tugged Harry to his chest once again, holding him whilst the young boy cried silently against his chest.

 

“They hurt you because you said no?” Louis guessed and Harry nodded against his chest. “Come on, we need to get you in the shower, okay?” Louis murmured, gently pulling Harry away from his chest.

 

Louis began to turn away from Harry when a thought struck him,

 

“Have you taken Derek his money?” Louis asked worriedly. Louis knew that the protocol was for Harry to take the money straight to Derek after the job was done, or punishments would be given out for any suspicions that Harry might be trying to steal the money.

 

“N-no I came straight here,” Harry said as he looked down at the carpet; he knew he’d done something wrong.

 

“You need to give him that money, Harry. Right now,” Louis said firmly and Harry was already shaking his head.

 

“No, no, no, please don’t leave me, please don’t make me go,” Harry begged, eyes wide and filled with tears. Harry’s shaking hands suddenly enveloped one of Louis’. “Please. I’ll do anything, j-just don’t make me see him, don’t make me leave,” Harry sobbed, suddenly dropping to his knees and letting go of Louis’ hand in favour of pulling at the drawstring on Louis’ pyjama trousers. Louis quickly grabbed Harry’s fumbling hands and trapped them in his own, looking down at Harry with wide blue eyes. Harry looked up at him with eyes filled with anguish, letting out a desperate “Please?” before leaning his forehead against Louis’ hands that trapped his own.

 

Louis stared at the wall in front of him, using every inch of will power to control his anger and frustration. This shouldn’t be happening.

 

“I’m going to go with you. You’ll have to go in alone, but I’ll go with you to the house, and then we’ll come back to mine. But you need to give him that money, Harry,” Louis finally negotiated.

 

Ten minutes later and they were in the back of a taxi on their way to Derek’s. When they pulled up out front Harry gave Louis a pleading look but Louis refused to give in and nodded his head to tell Harry to go. Harry bit his bottom lip in response and took a deep breath. Louis then had the surreal experience of seeing Harry disconnect; his body straightened and his hands stopped shaking, his eyes going wide and vacant, before he left the taxi without a backwards look at Louis.

 

Harry came back fifteen minutes later but it’d felt like eternity to Louis. Louis noticed the split lip straight away and winced in sympathy and guilt, but knew it was better than if they’d left this until tomorrow. When Harry entered the taxi and shut the door he didn’t even glance at Louis and Louis decided this wasn’t something that needed to be done in front of a random taxi driver so bit his tongue until they were back in his home.

 

Louis didn’t say a word to Harry, simply locked the front door and walked to his bathroom. He ran the bath until it was full and warm, soft white bubbles floating on the surface. He left the bathroom and found Harry stood in the centre of the living room, his blank gaze fixed on the bare wall. Louis grabbed his hand and gently tugged him towards the bathroom before turning to leave the boy to his bath. That was when Harry seemed to resurface a little. His thin fingers clamped onto the back of Louis’ t-shirt and he stopped and turned back to face Harry’s tremulous expression.

 

“Stay?” the cracked word was barely a breath but it had Louis’ entire body deflating. He nodded tiredly and turned away so Harry could get undressed. When he heard the water of the bath slosh around as it was disturbed by a body, he waited for a few seconds before facing Harry again. Harry sat covered in bubbles, knees raised with his arms wrapped around them, his chin resting on one knee as he gazed up at Louis questioningly. Louis padded forwards and dropped down to kneel beside the bath, before leaning over to grab the jug he kept on the ledge. He filled it with the soapy water and lifted a hand to cover Harry’s forehead before raising the jug to pour the water over Harry’s hair. His hand stopped the water from running into Harry’s eyes, eyes that watched Louis with frank curiosity. Louis put the jug down to pick up a flannel, wetting it before raising it to start wiping off the mess from Harry’s face.

 

Harry sat still and silent as Louis cleaned whatever dirty skin his could see, and Louis felt something in his chest warm at the trust implicit in this. He felt the shift, the change in their relationship as Harry let him get a little bit closer, and it made Louis happy even if he hated what had led them to it.

 

When Harry was clean and dry, wrapped up in a pair of Louis’ sweat pants and a warm hoodie, Louis led him to the bedroom. Harry slid into the bed with little hesitation, but Louis thought that was more to do with Harry’s exhaustion than any trust he has in Louis. When he was wrapped in the covers Louis silently left the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

 

Louis laid down on the couch with a sigh, tugging the blanket draped over the back to cover him. What could have only been two minutes later, Harry came padding into the room on quiet socked feet, and timidly tugged on Louis’ hand. Louis gave him a questioning, tired look but went without any argument as Harry pulled him up from the couch.

 

Louis rubbed his eyes as Harry tugged him along by the hand, until he realised that Harry was leading him back towards his own bedroom, and that woke him up a little. Did Harry think Louis wanted ‘paying’ again? Louis was about to firmly explain to Harry _again_ that he didn’t want that kind of thing from him, when Harry crawled onto the bed and curled up in a little ball facing Louis. When Louis continued to stand there, Harry sighed and leaned up to tug on Louis’ hand until he climbed into the bed beside Harry. Louis laid down warily, but after a few moments Harry threw caution out of the window and curled up against Louis’ chest, long hair tickling Louis’ chin.

 

Louis wrapped his arms around Harry’s frail body and couldn’t understand why anyone would ever want to hurt this boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked this and i'd seriously appreciate any feedback xxx


	4. All The Broken Parts Of Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this chapter is kinda dark, so i'm just warning you guys now because i don't want to trigger anyone with this part. There's child abuse and mentions of rape/non-con and death and lethal harm and under-age sex, so just please be careful.

HARRY’S POV

 

 

When Harry woke up in Louis’ arms, he felt that tightening in his chest, that need to just _get away_. But he stayed. He took a deep breath, and forced himself to stay calm, to remember that Louis has yet to lay a harmful finger on him. Apart from once jokingly throwing a pillow at him when Harry refused to turn the cartoons over onto a ‘ _proper adult channel, even the fucking news would be better than this_.’ 

 

But Harry still couldn’t face the awkward idea of Louis waking up next to him, so he slipped from the bed and made his way to the living room.

 

When he padded into the room on socked feet, he froze in uncertainty, because Zayn was sat watching telly on the couch. It wasn’t that he had any bad feelings about Louis’ friend, it was just that Harry had learned a long time ago never to trust someone he didn’t know.

 

Zayn looked up then and noticed Harry’s frozen figure.

 

“Watching a rerun of Friends, wanna join?” Zayn asked in a soft voice, like he knew Harry was almost shaking with nerves. Thing is, Harry didn’t want to say no. He didn’t want to go sit in the kitchen on his own. He wanted to watch t.v. and just relax for once, he knew it was unhealthy to live life in perpetual fear of everyone. So he nodded, and felt some of the tension leave his shoulders when it made Zayn smile softly. Zayn turned back to watch the telly and Harry took a few deep breaths before forcing himself over to the couch. Luckily Zayn was sat at one end of the three-seater so Harry could sit at the other end and not worry about accidental contact.

 

He gradually relaxed into the episode, still glancing at Zayn every few minutes just to be careful, and he barely noticed when Louis came shuffling into the room with a yawn. But of course he still noticed. Louis was . . . pretty. He was a strange mixture of feminine and rakish qualities that Harry found entrancing, which was unsettling to Harry at first. Harry hadn’t had a crush since before he turned 13.

 

Louis looked up and caught Harry looking then and gave him a soft, honest smile that brightened his blue eyes in a dizzying effect. Harry blushed a little and ducked his head so his fringe covered his eyes a little more. It made Louis shake his head, with something Harry couldn’t identify, softening his features.

 

“Hey man,” Zayn said casually and Louis gave him a sharp grin in response before plopping himself down on the couch between the two of them. Harry’s entire body tensed but gradually he regained control of his racing heart and tight chest, taking steadying breaths to quell the fear. And Louis watched it all, Harry realised as he peaked to the side. Louis gave him a smile that looked almost . . . proud? Was he proud of Harry? Why?

 

“What’re you up to today?” Louis asked Zayn then and the other boy shrugged noncommittally.

 

“Nowt, why?” Zayn asked.

 

“I’m gonna go to the park and skateboard for a bit, wanna come?” Louis asked and Harry felt a twinge in his chest. He wants to go. He wants to watch Louis smile in the sunshine, watch him skateboard and laugh with Zayn.

 

“Yeah, sure. Why not,” Zayn shrugged and Louis smiled.

 

“Thanks for the enthusiasm, dick,” Louis said with a grin before glancing at Harry. His eyes catalogued Harry’s expression and he felt nervous about what the older man saw there. “You wanna come, Haz?” he asked softly and Harry couldn’t help how his eyes widened and his lips twitched with the need to grin.

 

“Yeah, I’d love to,” Harry said so softly it was almost a whisper and Louis gave him a beaming smile that made his heart clench.

 

***

 

Harry sat cross-legged on the tarmac as Louis and Zayn boarded on the ramps in front of him. Harry had asked if he could try but Louis had refused since he didn’t want Harry to fall when he was already so bruised up.

 

Harry looked around for entertainment and a smile lit up his face.

 

“Louis?” Harry called and Louis left Zayn to wander over, his board held in one hand.

 

“What’s up, pretty?” Louis asked with a grin as he sat down next to him on the floor. Harry blushed a little but decided not to acknowledge the compliment.

 

“Can we get ice-cream?” he asked before nibbling nervously at his lower lip with his teeth. Louis reached up and Harry instinctively tensed, but all he did was use his thumb to tug Harry’s lip out of his teeth.

 

“Stop biting your lip, it’ll bleed,” he admonished lightly and Harry smiled at little at the care in his tone. “And yeah, sure. Here,” Louis said, handing him a fiver with a grin before heading back over to Zayn.

 

Harry ambled off and bought them a 99p cone each, adding sprinkles too because what was the point of an ice-cream without hundreds-and-thousands?

 

Louis and Zayn accepted their ice-creams gratefully and while Zayn lazily boarded as he licked his, Louis came over to sit with Harry. They sat and ate in silence for a few moments before Harry got desperate to hear is voice.

 

“It’s so strange. It’s never usually this sunny,” Harry murmured as he flicked out his tongue for more ice-cream.

 

“Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, Haz,” Louis grinned before meeting his eyes and laughing a little. “You have ice-cream on your chin,” Louis said with a smile and Harry’s cheeks blazed in embarrassment. Harry rubbed over his chin but Louis shook his head with a grin before lifting his thumb to wipe away the sticky residue. As his thumb brushed Harry’s skin he couldn’t help his breath catching in his throat.

 

He was so unused to this. He was familiar with sex, had been since he’d turned into a teenager, but Louis’ casual affection scrambled his wits.

 

Louis kept his thumb against Harry’s chin as he searched his eyes. They seemed to almost sink into each other, their bodies inching closer, until Louis pressed their foreheads together, closing his eyes.

 

“What am I going to do with you, huh?” Louis asked softly and Harry took a chance, leaned in until he could brush their noses together in a gentle Eskimo kiss that made Louis smile so bright that it hurt Harry’s eyes. Louis leaned in to peck the end of Harry’s nose before moving away and taking another lick of his ice-cream. Harry smiled as he did the same.

 

***

 

That night when Zayn was out with friends, he and Louis were sat at opposite end of the couch watching a movie that Harry hadn’t been paying attention to. Louis had persuaded Harry to put his feet on his lap, and now the older boy was brushing softly at the arch of his sock-covered foot and Harry had to refrain from squirming.

 

“When’s your next job?” Louis asked gently and Harry’s happiness evaporated and he carefully pulled his feet away from Louis so that he could raise his knees to his chest and wrap his arms around them.

 

“Saturday night, I’m supposed to walk around this club a couple streets away, see if I can get any interest. Usually I get the actual appointments, but Derek is feeling pissy so I get the shitty car jobs,” Harry shrugged although he felt anything _but_ casual. Derek had been losing more and more of his patience with Harry, and Harry didn’t know how much longer it’d be until he snapped. So maybe . . . maybe it was time he let slip a few secrets?

 

“Car jobs?” Louis asked before Harry could say anything more.

 

“Uh . . . Where they don’t wanna pay for a hotel so you just kinda go to their car,” Harry replied reluctantly, lifting a hand to rub at the back of his neck, his cheeks heating a little.

 

“Oh,” Louis looked like he wanted to say more but clenched his jaw instead, so Harry decided to just get it over with.

 

“He’s my uncle, you know. Derek, that is,” Harry said awkwardly and Louis’ eyes widened comically as his mouth open and shut a few times.

 

“W-what?” Louis choked out and Harry just nodded. “Why the fuck is he . . . I don’t understand,” Louis said firmly, shaking his head as if to clear it.

 

“My mum, she got really ill. She had to go live in a medical centre to be looked after. My sister had moved in with her boyfriend, so I was all alone. I was sent to live with Uncle Derek,” Harry explained.

 

“How old were you?” Louis asked, brow furrowed, eyes dark. Harry didn’t know what Louis was feeling, and it made him nervous.

 

“Eleven. Mum died when I was twelve and I was put in his custody permanently since I didn’t have any other relatives who were willing to take me in,” Harry shrugged, clasping his fingers together tight, clenching his arms around his upraised knees.

 

“H-how . . .” Louis stopped, swallowed thickly and seemed to gather his nerve. “How old were you when he . . . put you on the payroll, so to speak?” Louis asked softly and Harry couldn’t help but dart his gaze away for a second. He didn’t want Louis to judge him, to think less of him.

 

“Thirteen,” Harry whispered, shyly peaking back at Louis from under his curly fringe. Louis’ face was frozen in a look of shock, before his eyes began to heat with anger and it seemed to melt the shock from his face, made him animated again.

 

“You were a fucking child!” Louis burst out and Harry couldn’t help his flinch, couldn’t help cowering away from the loud voice. In his experience a loud voice meant pain for him. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m not shouting at you, I promise,” Louis quickly rattled off, taking deep breaths and lowering his voice, scooting closer until he could rest a gentle hand on Harry’s shoulder. Harry felt tense until Louis lifted his hand to brush Harry’s fringe away from his eyes as he ducked low to look up into the younger lad’s face with a careful smile. Harry smiled shakily back and lifted his head a little to face Louis properly. “Keep talking, please, Harry. I won’t get mad again, at least not at you anyway,” Louis said with a wry smile and Harry’s smile was a little more genuine this time.

 

“He started off with small jobs,” Harry started, taking a deep breath to calm himself, “I’d just go to these old guy’s offices. They were married, weren’t happy with their wives, you know? They were nice enough. A few of them looked a little nervous at how young I was, but I just told them how I loved my job, and that I was actually almost 16 so it didn’t matter anyway. They were willing to believe anything, just wanted a pretty lad to suck their dick, no matter his age,” Harry shrugged, rolling his eyes. “Derek always said that that was the only reason taking me in hadn’t been so bad. He always said ‘ _At least you’re pretty. Those lips will earn a fortune_ ,’ I’m his best pro. People specifically ask for me. Funny thing to be well known and wanted for,” Harry said with a watery smile and Louis’ eyes looked a little shinier, like maybe he wanted to cry but wouldn’t let himself. “After a while he put me on the more intense jobs, the ones with the seasoned guys, the ones who were . . . rougher, surer of themselves. But I could handle it. I kept my mouth shut, I went to school and came home, did my homework, went on a job, took a shower, then went to bed. It was a routine. A fucked up routine but . . . My mum was gone, I didn’t know how to get in touch with Gemma, and I was just desperate for Uncle Derek not to kick me out. It was okay.

 

“Until . . . I came home late from school- I’d gotten in trouble with a teacher for being a cocky little shit in class,” Harry said with a roll of his eyes and a dry smile. “Derek . . . He was pissed. I’d missed an important appointment with a big client, lost him a chunk of cash. So he sent me on a job, told me it was same as usual, but when I got there I realised I should’ve just run. There was a group of them, I don’t even remember how many. There were these restraints and . . . it just, wasn’t good, anyway. When I finally got home around 4am, the front door was locked and I was too afraid of waking Derek up to knock, so I slept in the back garden.

 

“Next morning I woke up and went straight to school, put on my P.E. clothes I’d left in my locker and told the teachers I’d had to wear them because my uniform had gotten ruined in the wash. I didn’t understand why everyone was staring at me until I went to the bathroom and saw the bruises on my face. The teachers thought I was getting abused at home. They brought Derek in and called the police,” Harry paused, the memories starting to overwhelm him, his throat getting tight.

 

“Why didn’t the police help you?” Louis murmured, his hand suddenly covering Harry’s, his fingers brushing his skin lightly in encouragement.

 

“I told them I’d gotten into a fight last night, hadn’t gone home because I thought I’d be grounded, and Derek just played along. But when we got home, Derek broke three of my ribs in punishment. You know how much harder jobs are when your ribs scream every time you move?” Harry asked with a horrible smile.

 

“He still sent you on jobs?” Louis asked although it was obvious in his eyes that he didn’t want to hear any more.

 

“That job I’d gone on sprained my ankle, pulled a bunch of my muscles, left me bruised all over. Then the broken ribs. Seemed like after each job I had new injuries. It got harder to hide. I was a kid so I wasn’t great at hiding my pain, yet. So he started doping me. Giving me a little heroin to dull the pain. Not enough to give me a shit load of bad side effects or a serious addiction, just enough to keep me working. It . . . It itches, when I start to come down, when it wears off,” Harry admits, feeling ashamed of all of it.

 

“I can’t . . . I can’t understand how he could do all of that to you,” Louis breathed, eyes dark.

 

“All comes down to money. I make him a lot of it. But . . . He’s getting fed up of me. I can feel it. He’s losing patience with me,” Harry said, feeling a cold shiver run down his spine.

 

“What does that mean for you?” Louis murmured, eyes wide and worried.

 

“He’ll send me on a job, to a client he knows has . . . anger issues. He’ll tell the guy to have fun with me. Maybe he’ll say he can kill me, I dunno. Either that or afterwards he’ll give me a dose ‘ _for my own good, to stop the pain’_ and it’ll be spiked with something bad. Either way, I’m dead and out of his hair. He’ll have his guys leave my body by the river, leave a few syringes around me. Just another overdosed whore, the police won’t spend long on it. They’ll just accept it was my own fault and move on, the world a better place without me in it, to them,” Harry shrugged again, but the movement was brittle, his throat tight, and a rebellious tear slid down his cheek.

 

“No. No, Harry. That isn’t gonna happen with me around.” Louis said forcefully, making Harry meet his gaze, and Harry smiled.

 

“That wasn’t part of the deal. I never asked you to save me,” Harry said softly, his voice wet with salt water.

 

“No, it’s not part of the fucking deal, but that doesn’t make it any less true, Harry. Fuck Derek. You aren’t gonna die, Harry,” Louis declared, eyes wild with desperate anger.

 

“Just . . . can I ask for one thing?” Harry murmured, unable to meet Louis’ gaze now. But he had to ask. Had to take the chance, couldn’t let himself die without knowing.

 

“What is it?” Louis asked almost desperately. Harry looked into Louis’ face so close to him, searched his pretty blue eyes and his tanned skin, the dappled stubble on his jaw.

 

“Sleep with me. Just . . . Let me know what it’s like. Let me know how it feels t-to make love to someone. To be with someone because I _choose_ to be,” Harry asked, eyes wide and begging. “Please fuck me so that I don’t die without ever feeling like someone loves me even just a little bit,” Harry finally whispered into Louis’ shocked silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think, your comments are what make me update aha xx


	5. A Reflection Of Your Mental Health

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is kind of a short chapter to set things up for the next part where shit will go down, hope you enjoy :)
> 
> chapter title is from Heart Out by The 1975

**HARRY’S POV**

 

 

Louis was silent for a long time, and Harry could feel every second slowly tightening his chest, until it felt like his heart would cease to beat under the pressure.

 

“I know . . . I know it’s not like that between us,” Harry whispered, staring down at his clasped hands. “I know you don’t want me like that, and that’s okay, I understand _completely_ , I just . . . You’re my friend, you said . . . you said you care about me. I haven’t had that in so, so long, Louis. I want to know what that’s like. I want to know what sex is like when the other person actually fucking _cares_. I want to know if it hurts that way. I want to know if I’ll have bruises, or if maybe they’d be the kind I’d be happy to have.

 

"I want to know what it feels like to have the smell of someone I care about so deep in my skin that it doesn’t wash off easily. I can’t . . . I can’t die having not felt those things, Louis. I just can’t,” Harry finished, his voice cracked and broken all over the floor. More tears fell and he didn’t even try to stop them. Louis was still silent so Harry roughly rubbed his eyes clear and looked at him nervously, filled to the brim with desperation.

 

Louis’ eyes were wide but thoughtful and when he finally made a move it was to press his hand gently to the side of Harry’s face.

 

“I . . .” Louis trailed off, licking his dry lips before clearing is throat. “I care more than you know, Harry. I care so much that it kills me to know what you’ve been through, what you continue to go through every fucking day. And sex with you wouldn’t be some horrible chore that I’d do as a friend, Harry. I’d do it because you’re so beautiful that it’s hard to catch my breath sometimes-” Harry’s eyebrows bunched and he went to interrupt but Louis gave him a stern look that made him snap his lips shut. “You’re so lovely and I hate how we met but I’m so glad to have met at all. I’d sleep with you because I want to wake up to your smile, Harry. But I won’t do it just because you’re desperate to know. I won’t do it when the reason you’re so desperate is that you think you’re going to die. I won’t do that . . . I _can’t_ do that,” Louis said quietly, shaking his head firmly. And Harry couldn’t catch his breath. He didn’t understand.

 

“I’m not lovely. I’m broken, and used, and worthless. I’m a dead-man walking, and I have been since I was thirteen. The knowledge that I could die at any moment has been hanging over my head ever since Derek told me that if I wanted to stay in his home then I had to bring in some money. I’ve broken bones so many times that I’ve lost count, I’ve had black eyes that have lasted for months, and cuts that have been so deep I’ve had to sow them up with fishing wire in the shed in the back garden. I don’t want to fuck you just because I’m going to die soon, Louis. I want it because if I die without ever feeling your skin against mine, without feeling your lips on mine, then that’ll be the only regret I fucking have,” Harry’s voice was almost angry now, his eyes wide and tears leaking constantly, his cheeks flushed and his chest heaving. “I’ve fucked more men than I could even begin to count, Louis. And it fucking _disgusts_ me, so I understand why you wouldn’t want to. Don’t lie to me, Louis. Just . . . whatever you do to me, don’t _lie_ ,” Harry begged angrily, shaking his head sharply.

 

“I’m not fucking lying, Harry!” Louis said forcefully, cheeks flushing a little in indignant fury. “I just won’t be the person you go to out of desperation!”

 

“Why would it even matter? If that was the only reason, then why would that even bother you?” Harry snapped in frustration, brow furrowed, body turned so he and Louis were facing one another, only a few inches apart.

 

“Because you matter to me! It’d break my fucking _heart_ , Harry. How the fuck do think it makes me feel? To never be able to help you, to never fucking save you from the world. I feel _angry_ at myself, Harry. Like I should have been there from the start, should have been your friend since the second you were left alone for that bastard to steal. But I wasn’t. I didn’t even know you existed. And that . . . I can’t imagine a world where you don’t exist, where I don’t have to hear the annoying noise of cartoons, and the fact you cut your crusts off your sandwiches and just leave them on the fucking chopping board, and the way you attempt to brush your tangled hair until you give up and pout at me until I do it for you. I’ve known you for less than 2 fucking months and it kills me to think that one day you might not show up. That he’ll hurt you and I won’t be there to save you,” Louis threw the words at him, and Harry felt the impact of every pain-soaked letter.

 

Louis sat gasping and furious in front of him and Harry couldn’t help it, he raised his hands and held them on either side of Louis’ face, his stubble tickling at Harry’s palms. He didn’t rush, didn’t smash their lips together in some painful facsimile of a kiss, he met Louis’ eyes and silently asked permission with every millimetre he came closer. Louis looked at him and his eyes seemed to beg Harry not to do this, not to take this step, but he didn’t say a word, so Harry closed his eyes and pressed their lips together softly.

 

The kiss was nothing Harry had ever felt before. His first kiss had been a business man who’d been relatively kind to him at age fourteen. He’d never kissed a man who wasn’t a job and that was a sad way to live his life. Louis’ lips were soft against his, a little chapped but not in a bad way, and Harry felt his body almost sigh in relief as he slumped against Louis. Louis’ hand came up to stroke along his jaw and the kiss began to slow, until Louis gave him a series of pecks before slowly pulling away. Louis pressed his forehead to Harry’s, his eyes still closed, and Harry looked at him, searching his face for reassurance.

 

“Louis?” Harry whispered carefully.

 

“Yeah?” Louis’ voice was weak, and he still wouldn’t open his eyes.

 

“I could maybe love you a little bit,” Harry breathed, fingers clasped tight in Louis’ t-shirt. Louis exhaled heavily before finally opening his eyes and meeting Harry’s gaze.

 

“I could maybe love you a little bit too, baby,” Louis whispered back and Harry didn’t smile, didn’t act like this was okay. Love was going to kill the both of them.

 

***

 

That night Harry had to slip from the bed at 1am when he got a text from Derek telling him to get his ass over to a job asap. Harry reluctantly left Louis’ arms- Louis had agreed to cuddle as long as Harry didn’t try for anything more and kept his pyjamas on- and padded out to the kitchen. He jumped when he noticed Zayn sat at the kitchen table, a book open in his hands.

 

“Hey,” Zayn murmured when he noticed Harry.

 

“Hi,” Harry replied carefully before moving to the front door, about to leave, but he hesitated. Normally when this happened he’d just leave and that would be that but . . . “Zayn?”

 

“Yeah?” Zayn asked curiously, raising his head from his book once again.

 

“In the morning could you tell Louis that I had to go on a job, please? I just . . .  don’t wanna leave without him knowing,” Harry shrugged awkwardly and Zayn scanned his face for a moment before nodding, and Harry gave him a soft smile before heading off.

 

He should have stayed in Louis’ arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said, this was kind of a fluffy painful filler before stuff happens, so please let me know what you thought of it :) xxx


	6. Change Your Mind State

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from 'Take it back now'- Ed Sheeran'
> 
> Okay so this is when stuff starts to get a bit bad, so just please be warned and be careful because I really, really don't want to upset or hurt any of you guys.  
> There's some nasty violence, it's not graphic but it's blatantly there, so just be careful. Also there's a Non-Con scene, but as I've always said, I won't write a rape scene, this kind of just alludes to it, but skips the main event because I'm not writing that shit, it's not entertainment, it's an awful thing. 
> 
> Also, Liam finally comes into the fic in this part so yeah.
> 
> Enjoy xx

**HARRY'S POV**

 

The job . . . went wrong. From the second Harry walked into the hotel room, he could feel the tension that sat on the man’s shoulders, a hardness in his pale blue eyes that made Harry wary. The silence stretched on and Harry had long ago lost his patience with men that just wouldn’t get down to business when he showed up.

 

“So, what’s your name?” Harry asked politely, attempting to soothe the man he assumed was just too nervous to know how to start this.

 

“Why would I tell a slut my name?” The man asked in an almost bored tone, and Harry whipped around from where he’d been looking out the window, to face the man who now sat leisurely in a wide armchair. His expression was just as bored as his tone, but there was a haughty tilt to his chin, a sense of superiority. When Harry had to bite his tongue to stop a snappy reply to that insult, he realised one dangerous mistake about spending so much time with Louis; he’d regained a little of himself. The way he survived his job was to disconnect on all of his senses, to retreat into himself and ignore every jab, both physically and mentally. That had been compromised by the safety of Louis’ home that had begun to drag down each and every one of his walls. All of this meant that Harry had to grit his teeth to reply:

 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked, sir,” He gritted out with faked innocence. The man looked at him with a harsh, keen intelligence and Harry knew he had seen through it, knew that Harry was being defiant, and Harry gulped, because he saw the fury that had begun to build behind those pale eyes.

 

***

 

Harry stumbled down the street to Derek’s (and technically Harry’s) home, cradling his wrist to his chest. It was broken. The man had taken a sick kind of delight in the snap of Harry’s bone, in the blood curdling scream that Harry couldn’t keep trapped behind his tongue. He’d also enjoyed pressing down on the break every time he fucked into Harry’s trembling body. Harry had bitten into his own arm to stop his screams, so hard he’d broken through and the bite had bled shocking crimson across his pale skin, the tear jagged and harsh from multiple bites of his own teeth. Harry’s face and t-shirt also smelled disgusting, because when the pain had suddenly become too much, Harry hadn’t been able to stop the vomit that travelled up his throat. In response the client had fisted his hair and shoved his face into it in punishment, so hard that he had grazes on his cheekbones from the carpet that stung as the wind blew against them now.

 

Harry finally made it up the front path and fell against the front door to open it. He noticed the telly on and reluctantly tripped his way in, biting his bottom lip bloody in an effort to hide every single sound of pain caused by his throbbing wrist.

 

Harry used his good hand to pull the money out of his pocket and hand it to Derek with trembling fingers, and forced himself to speak, “You should charge him extra, he damaged product,” Harry said in a cracked, awful voice that was painful to his own ears. Derek continued to look past Harry and at the show on the telly.

 

“Nah, he gave me a bit extra in advance to be able to rough you up,” Derek said casually and Harry felt like throwing up again.

 

“He broke my wrist,” Harry whispered in a voice that was nearly swallowed by the false laughter coming from the TV.

 

“Harry, why are you interrupting my show?” Derek asked in a casual voice that had Harry muttering 'sorry' and leaving the room as fast as he could, although he paused at the door to the living room.

 

“Uncle Derek?” Harry asked timidly and Derek turned to him with a huff and an eyebrow raised in annoyance. “C-can I go to Louis’? He wanted me for tomorrow and I’m sure he’d be happy to have me earlier, it might make him more likely to let you have more nights advertising at his club,” Harry lied, desperate to get the fuck out of that house. Derek sighed with resigned annoyance.

 

“Are you letting him get in the way of other jobs? If you start doing jobs for him more than paid jobs then you won’t like my response, Harry. I let him fuck you on demand so that we could use his club, I didn’t agree to it cutting drastically into my earnings,” Derek snapped.

 

“No! No, I-I can still do jobs, I promise, Uncle Derek,” Harry trembled out, his mind going frantic at the thought that he might not be allowed to see Louis again, because the only thing keeping him on his feet right now was the prospect of shiny blue eyes and rough fingers brushing his cheek.

 

“Fine. Go to the prick, but be back late tomorrow night, I have a job lined up and you’ve been asked for specifically,” Derek said before turning back to the telly and losing interest with Harry. Harry took the opportunity to stumble from the house as fast as he could.

 

He didn’t have any money, all of his money went to Derek, so he had to walk all the way to Louis’, which would usually take about 30 minutes, but his trembling, weak body meant that it took him almost an hour. When he finally made it through the club and up to Louis’ flat, he collapsed to the floor and wheezed as he smacked the door a few times with the palm of his good hand.

 

He almost fell over when the door suddenly opened and then Zayn was there and he was cursing loudly before gently tugging Harry up and over to the couch. When Zayn moved as if to leave Harry on the couch, his panicked ramblings saying something about getting him a glass of water, Harry quickly caught his sleeve with his good hand.

 

“Where’s Louis?” Harry asked with his rusty voice, but he didn’t feel so out of breath now, just tired and in pain, his wrist throbbing with every beat of his heart.

 

“He’s managing downstairs, I’m fucking surprised he didn’t see you coming in,” Zayn said, eyes wide and searching all over Harry, taking in every messed up part of him.

 

“It was crowded,” Harry explained and tugged until Zayn sat next to him on the couch instead of hovering nervously.

 

“Just . . . Fuck, Harry, I don’t even know what to do right now. Actually, no, I need to call an ambulance,” Zayn nodded decisively and moved to stand but Harry flailed and clutched onto his arm tightly.

 

“No! I can’t okay, Derek will kill me. I’ve been in too many times lately, they get suspicious if you have a shit load of injuries, especially since I’m 16, they’ll think I’m getting abused at home and they’ll get the police involved. Please, Zayn,” Harry begged and Zayn swallowed heavily before slowly sitting back down, his face a picture of reluctance.

 

“What’s wrong with your wrist?” Zayn almost whispered, his eyes on the red and swollen limb.

 

“It’s . . . nothing, it’s fine, just hit it on a table,” Harry shrugged, eyes darting away guiltily.

 

“Harry, if I’m gonna help you out, then the least you can do is tell me the truth,” Zayn replied almost angrily.

 

“It’s broken. I can deal with it, though. I’ll just splint it with some wood and bandages tomorrow. I have some stashed in my shed,” Harry reassured but Zayn looked anything but calm.

 

“How the fuck did you break your wrist? And don’t be fucking stupid, Harry, you need to go the hospital.” Zayn said firmly and Harry felt like crying again.

 

“It was just on a job, I . . . I couldn’t prevent it. I just . . . Please don’t call an ambulance. Just, help me, please Zayn. I’m desperate and I just need some help,” Harry begged, unshed tears making his eyes wide and bright, shining in the low light of the lamp beside the couch.

 

“Harry, this isn’t fucking normal. You’re a kid and you need to have x-rays and shit . . .” He trailed off, eyes searching Harry’s begging face before sighing in defeat. “What do you need me to do?”

 

“Could you help me get the shower working? I’m . . . covered in things. And have you got a long-sleeved top so that Louis won’t see-” Harry snapped his mouth shut as he heard the front door open and Louis enter with a guarded look on his face.

 

“Louis won’t see what, Harry?” Louis asked suspiciously and Harry tried to hide his wrist and other wounds behind a big pillow, but Louis snatched it away as soon as he noticed. And he didn’t make a sound, his wide eyes locked on Harry, taking in every bruise. Minutes later the only thing to come out of his mouth was a whisper of: “You have sick in your hair.” Harry flushed in embarrassment and Zayn silently left and went to his own room, and Harry heard his door shut firmly as he took himself out of the situation, obviously realising that this really wasn’t anything to do with him.

 

“Can I have a shower here?” Harry asked in a nervous voice, afraid that Louis had been pushed too far, that he’d decide to give up on Harry.

 

“What weren’t you going to tell me?” Louis asked instead of answering Harry’s question.

 

“I . . . My wrist is broken . . . I can’t go to the hospital,” Harry whispered and Louis’ eyes zeroed in on Harry’s inflamed wrist.

 

“Was . . . Was it a client?” Louis asked, holding his anger with his teeth, and Harry simply nodded in response, but his eyes widened in panic when Louis suddenly strode off and back towards the bar.

 

Harry sat on the couch debating what he should do, but he still hadn’t made up his mind when Louis came back, a taller, more muscular guy trailing behind him. Harry kept his eyes warily on the new guy as Louis came over to sit beside him, his hand coming up to stroke Harry’s cheek, and Harry leaned in helplessly before suddenly pulling away.

 

“I’m dirty,” Harry whispered in explanation and Louis shrugged before raising his hand once again.

 

“This is Liam, he’s my head of staff and a good mate of mine. He’s also an ex-policeman,” at that Harry’s eyes widened and he shot off the couch and moved far away from the couch, shaking his head in betrayal.

 

“What are you doing?!” Harry spat in confusion and hurt. Louis stood and started moving towards Harry with his hands raised in front of him.

 

“Harry, calm down,” Louis ordered but Harry kept backing away until his back hit the cold wall.

 

“No! How could you? How could you involve the police? I thought I could trust you!” Harry almost yelled, and he was trapped against the wall when Louis finally cornered him, his hands firm on the sides of Harry’s face.

 

“Harry, he’s an EX policeman. He’s here to help. He has first aide training that’s better than what I could do. If you won’t let me take you to the hospital then you have to let Liam sort your wrist as much as he can,” Louis said firmly and Harry dragged in a deep breath to try and calm himself.

 

But it seemed like the flood gates had opened and that breath was released as a jagged sob.

 

“I’m so tired, Lou,” Harry whimpered on a sob and Louis pulled him so that he could curl up against his chest, Louis not caring about how disgusting Harry is.

 

“I know, baby. Liam’s gonna help, okay?” Louis asked and Harry nodded against his chest. Louis led him over to the couch and held him as Liam used supplies from a big green box to help splint and bandage Harry’s wrist. He also rubbed on some ointment that numbed the pain a little. He then moved on to cleaning and bandaging the ragged bite mark on Harry’s upper arm.

 

“It’s okay, I did that one,” Harry said quietly when he noticed Louis glaring at the bite mark. Louis snapped his head up and looked at Harry in shock.

 

“Why did you? . . .” Louis trailed off and Harry frowned before shaking his head softly.

 

“You don’t want to know the details, Louis. Just let it go, okay?” Harry almost whispered, and he felt Liam hesitate in his actions for a second.

 

“Lou . . .” Liam attempted but Louis shot him a glare that made anger spark in Liam’s eyes, “You can’t expect me not to care, Louis. If that was what you wanted then you shouldn’t have involved me,” Liam snapped and Louis scrubbed a hand over his face with a sigh.

 

“Fine, ask a few questions but if he gets uncomfortable then you stop, Li. I mean it,” Louis said to Liam, a threatening tone to that last part, and Harry looked between them with a confused frown. Liam nodded then turned to look at Harry, which was a little nerve wrecking for him if he was honest. He couldn’t stop the instinctive need to get away from Liam, that murmur in his mind of ‘he’s a policeman, you’re fucked.’

 

“How old are you?” Liam asked softly and Harry looked up at Louis for reassurance. Louis gave him a small nod and raised a hand to brush his cheek lightly, sat beside him on the couch so that Harry was sat between the two men.

 

“16, I turn 17 soon,” Harry replied haltingly. Louis took his hand, and he felt a little steadier.

 

“How old were you when you were introduced to prostitution?” Liam asked, his tone business-like, as if he was reading from a set of questions, probably the ones he asked when he was on the force.

 

Harry turned to Louis with a frown.

 

“Is he going to like, arrest me? Or something?” Harry had an internal panic attack at the thought, but Louis gave him a brittle grin and he calmed a little.

 

“He hasn’t got a badge anymore, Harry. He’s just a friend, promise,” Louis said, squeezing Harry’s hand and Harry nodded in defeat.

 

“I was 13,” Harry finally answered Liam. Liam looked affected by that, but Harry wasn’t sure what his feelings actually were.

 

“Have you been injured like this before?” Liam asked now, his voice a little softer.

 

“All the time,” Harry shrugged, it wasn’t that much of a big deal when you lived with it, “But usually there aren’t as many broken bones because they know that if they damage product then they have to pay extra as a kind of fine,” Harry explained and he felt Louis stiffen beside him.

 

“You aren’t a fucking product, Harry!” Louis burst out and the sudden sound made Harry flinch and cringe away, which accidentally sent him into Liam, which made his heart kick in panic as he scrambled to get off the couch, but he tripped over his own foot and fell down hard. Unfortunately, instinct made it so he reached both hands out to catch himself, meaning he landed on his broken wrist. Harry snapped his teeth down on his bottom lip and he didn’t make a single sound although there was a blood-curdling scream in his own head.

 

“Shit!” Liam burst out but Louis stopped him when the brown eyed man attempted to touch Harry to help him up.

 

Louis moved slowly from the couch to kneel in front of Harry and Harry looked up at him through his sweaty fringe, his curls limp and sticking to his face as he panted with pain. Louis reached out a hand slowly, and Harry knew that it was ridiculous, knew he had no reason to be afraid right now, but old habits die hard. Louis moved his hand slowly, never losing eye-contact with Harry, until his fingers grazed over Harry’s bruised cheek soothingly.

 

“It’s okay, baby,” Louis murmured and Harry felt tears well up in his eyes, before he swallowed his nerves and threw himself at Louis so he could curl up against his chest, Louis’ firm arms wrapped around his frail, shaking body.

 

 

**LOUIS’ POV**

 

Louis shut his bedroom door, Harry sleeping all snuggled up in his bed, and made his way back to the living room where Liam played with a bottle of beer between his palms. Louis sat beside Liam with an exhausted sigh and Liam didn’t even look up.

 

“Kids like that . . . They’re one of the reason’s I couldn’t stand being on the force,” Liam said quietly, and Louis stole his beer to take a refreshing gulp, his throat tight with emotion.

 

“He’s not a kid, Li. He gone through far too much to be called a kid,” Louis murmured, handing Liam his bottle back so he could take a sip.

 

“I couldn’t stand it, you know? There’s just _nothing_ I could ever do to save them. And half of them don’t want to be saved,” Liam huffed in frustration.

 

“They did, Li. They’re just scared. Harry’s fucking terrified, even if he acts like it’s all okay. You saw how he reacted when something startled him,” Louis sighed.

 

“When he touched me he flipped out, Louis. That’s not right. To get to the point where he’s that afraid of human contact . . .  can’t even fucking _imagine_ what he’s been through,” Liam rubbed a hand over his face, as if he was trying to rub those disturbing thoughts away. “But with you, he calms a little. Takes him time to convince himself it’s okay, but at least it’s something.”

 

“Yeah . . . That part is where it gets difficult though,” Louis said, a hint of sadness to his voice that Liam picked up on.

 

“You have feelings for him,” Liam stated. Louis looked over and Liam finally met his eyes, but there wasn’t the judgement that Louis had been expecting.

 

“Why aren’t you mad at me for it?” Louis asked with a frown. “Zayn shouted at me when he thought there was something going on.”

 

“Fact is, I’ve spent all of 10 minutes around that kid and even I know that he doesn’t let people close usually. So the fact you’re so involved is a conscious choice on his part, and who am I to tell him that that’s not okay when he’s been through everything he has? Plus . . . He’s legal,” Liam said that last bit with a teasing smirk, making Louis snort out a surprised laugh. When their laughter petered out and everything was silent once more, Louis turned to once again meet Liam’s eyes.

 

“I just want to save him, Li,” Louis murmured, and Liam did nothing but nod in response, but Louis had the feeling that he wasn’t so alone in this anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys liked it, I was kinda nervous to upload this (took me over 2 hours to make myself push the upload button). So please leave comments on what you thought and if you have any parts you'd kinda like to see and I'll see if I can fit it into the story xxxx


	7. I know You're Tired Of Loving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from 'Nobody to Love' by Sigma
> 
> This chapter is angsty and a bit of a filler, but I needed it to get where I'm trying to go with this fic, so enjoy :)

**HARRY’S POV**

 

When Harry woke up, he was alone in Louis’ bed, cocooned in his soft white covers. Harry wrinkled his nose when he caught a whiff of his hair; they hadn’t washed it before he went to bed.

 

He slipped from the bed and padded into Louis’ on suite, slowly pulling off his clothes, trying not to knock his throbbing wrist. He isn’t stupid, he knows he needs professional help or the bone won’t set right, but he just can’t. He’d rather have a dodgy wrist than be dead by a river somewhere.

 

He stood in his boxers, breathing deep, calming himself, before looking up and meeting his own reflection. Harry avoided mirrors, half the time he had no idea how he looked, but it was better. It was better than this; seeing how much weight he’d lost from his face since the last time he looked in a mirror, seeing the mottled bruises that discoloured his usually pale skin, seeing the grazes and cuts that sat smeared in dried blood like rust on his flesh.

 

He looked half dead.

 

That thought made his stomach twist, disturbed by how true it was, and silent tears fell from his eyes as he lifted fingers to brush over his jaw. Maybe a little of it was just plain vanity, but he hated this, hated that Louis must see him like this a lot. How could beautiful, bright Louis kiss him when he looked half deranged and headed for the morgue?

 

So preoccupied was he with his monstrous visage that he didn’t notice Louis padding into the room until he heard a soft ‘ _oh_ ’. Harry spun and fixed wide, wet eyes on Louis’ tormented face, as those sparkling blue eyes raked over every disgusting part of him. Harry grabbed for the first towel he saw, desperately trying to cover himself, his breath coming fast and uneven.

 

Louis moved fast, suddenly pressed close to him, his hands on either side of Harry’s damaged face.

 

“Stop it . . .” Louis whispered, eyes locked on his beseechingly, “You have nothing to hide from me, Harry. Nothing to be ashamed of.”

 

“I’m disgusting,” Harry choked out, a sob raking up his sore throat, and Louis was already shaking his head.

 

“No you aren’t, Harry. You’re _hurt_ ,” Louis snapped almost angrily.

 

“Your face . . . You were disgusted by me,” Harry whimpered, and he knew he was right, knew it, Louis had been all wide eyes, face scrunched up in distaste at the sight of Harry’s mottled flesh.

 

“I was hurt, Harry. Seeing you like this . . . seeing all the bruises, the cuts, the scars . . . how thin you actually are, it’s killing me. But it doesn’t make you any less beautiful. It makes me angry, and sad, and terrified, but not disgusted . . . never disgusted, baby,” Louis whispered the last part and Harry couldn’t help but crumble against the shorter man, couldn’t help but cuddle into his warmth. They were silent for a few, seemingly endless moments before Harry sighed.

 

“I need to shower,” Harry murmured against the skin of Louis’ neck, and he felt Louis’ body tense a little against his at that, so he pulled back to search his expression for an answer. Louis seemed to be having some kind of internal argument, and Harry saw the fire spark in his eyes when Louis probably thought ‘ _fuck it_ ’.

 

He lifted a hand to thread his fingers in the hair at Harry’s nape, and he tugged until their noses brushed and they were close enough to kiss, but paused, his blue eyes so utterly vivid this close to Harry’s.

 

“One day,” Louis began, his voice whisper soft and brushing teasingly over Harry’s lips, “One day, I’m going to be able to get into that shower with you. I’m going to hold you close, stroke your damp skin, kiss you until my lips go numb. One day, we’re going to have that, okay Harry? I promise,” Louis said earnestly and Harry felt like crying again, but for vastly different reasons this time. Harry has been living his life like he could be killed at any moment since he was 13, and this was Louis offering him a future, one that happened beyond the next 60 seconds.

 

“But when I don’t need saving anymore, when I’m free to live my life, will you really want to stay with someone so broken up inside and out?” Harry whispered back, lifting his own hand so that he could graze his thumb over Louis’ lower lip. Louis smiled and Harry felt the shift of muscle under his thumb.

 

“Baby, I’ll use my lips to count every single one of the scars on your skin. I’ll hold you every night so you know that no one will ever touch you against your will again. I’ll spend every single breath I have fighting to give you a life that you deserve, one so much fucking better than what you have now,” Louis said, his voice soft but filled with steel, filled with a determination that sparkled in his pretty eyes. “But first, you’re going to shower, and wash your hair with my shampoo, then you’re going to eat as much as I put on your plate because you’re way too thin, baby, and it’s not healthy-” Louis was cut off by the snort Harry couldn’t keep in and Louis gave him a little glare for that, “And then we’re going to sit under blankets and watch telly all day, whilst you let me play with your pretty hair,” Louis finished with finality in his voice, and Harry bit his bottom lip to stifle his grin, but from Louis’ wide smile he wasn’t hiding it very well.

 

“Lou?” Harry asked softly.

 

“Yeah?” Louis smiled back, reaching up to kiss the end of Harry’s nose.

 

“If I sit in the bath will you wash my hair for me? My wrist is . . .” Harry trailed off lamely and Louis suddenly seemed to come back to reality a little, his eyes sobering as they flashed to Harry’s severely bruised and swollen wrist.

 

“Yeah, Harry. I’ll help,” Louis replied finally, but his eyes were still stuck on Harry’s damaged wrist.

 

 

**LOUIS’ POV**

 

They did everything Louis had said they would and they had been sat on the couch now for a few hours, Louis’ fingers playing with the soft strands of Harry’s brown hair, enjoying that fact that it smelled like his own shampoo.

 

The sky had just begun to darken, their bodies warm and languid under Louis’ quilt (plus Zayn’s because they’d decided that they’d chance a glare from the other boy), when Harry suddenly shot off of the couch muttering curses. Louis sat up with a frown as Harry ran off to the bedroom. He stood and knew his face was a picture of confusion but he couldn’t think of any reason why Harry had just flipped out.

 

Louis made his way into the bedroom to find Harry shucking off Louis’ sweat pants and pulling on his own jeans. Harry went to pull off Louis’ t-shirt too, but he hesitated, biting his lip with an unsure expression.

 

“You can keep it,” Louis murmured and Harry shot him a sunny smile that made Louis want to empty his wardrobes and give every article of clothing to the beautiful boy. “What are you doing?” Louis asked finally as Harry started searching around for his mobile.

 

“I have a client tonight and-” Harry’s soft explanation was cut off by Louis’ snap of “ _What?!_ ” which caused Harry to stop looking for his mobile and meet Louis’ furious gaze. “Derek said I had to be home . . . a client asked for me specifically,” Harry said in a small, nervous voice, and Louis hated it. He hated making Harry feel nervous or afraid, but he was too angry right now, too affected by all of this shit happening.

 

“You were _beaten_ last night, Harry. He broke your fucking wrist! How can you be expected to go on another job?” Louis demanded, his voice loud and a little shrill, but he honestly felt at the end of his tolerance.

 

“I . . . I do it all the time, Louis. Just because I have you now, it doesn’t change anything,” Harry replied in a soft, sad voice that cut straight through Louis’ chest. It doesn’t change anything. Would it ever? He could make all the promises in the world, but could he actually take Harry away from his life? From his uncle? Louis didn’t know, and that terrified him more than anything.

 

“Just, I dunno, tell Derek that if he gives you a month off to heal a bit, then he can advertise in my club every night in the meantime,” Louis suggested desperately and Harry gave him a smile that was almost mocking.

 

“Louis, those club clients bring in a couple hundred per night. I can bring in over a grand,” Harry said simply and Louis wanted to throw up.

 

“What the fuck am I supposed to do, Harry?” Louis almost begged, he felt so desperate, so broken up inside that he had not one single idea of how to help Harry right now. Harry was silent for a few moments before moving closer to Louis. This time it was Harry’s hands that cupped Louis’ face, and he leant down to press his forehead to the other man’s.

 

“You’re going to close your eyes and count to ten, and when you open them, I won’t be your problem again until tomorrow,” Harry said simply, eyes wide and guileless. Louis opened his mouth to protest, but Harry moved a hand to cover Louis’ lips. “Just close your eyes, Louis,” Harry breathed and Louis felt like screaming but he did as he was told, his body wracked by tremors that took every ounce of his will to control. Harry removed his hands until he no longer touched any part of Louis. “I’ll come back, Louis, promise,” Harry whispered as Louis angrily counted to ten in his head.

 

When Louis opened his eyes he was alone in his flat, and the first thing he did was pick up his alarm clock, and throw it at the opposite wall so hard that it smashed into countless pieces- he could sympathise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty please comment any thoughts you have on this fic, your feedback is really important to me :)  
> xXx


	8. I Gave You Something You Can Never Give Back, Don't You Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from The 1975- ‘Me’.
> 
> I'm sorry that this is short, but my laptop broke and i felt bad for not updating so i just posted what i have so far. The next chapter will be longer, I promise, and i won't make you wait as long :/  
> I hope you enjoy anyway <3

**HARRY’S POV**

 

Harry broke his promise. Three days later and he still hadn’t even contacted Louis. He felt guilty, but there was no way for him to let the blue-eyed boy know that he was okay. His phone had been taken off of him as punishment for back-talk. He’d also crashed again. Not literally, but . . . it was what Harry called the times when his body began to fail. He could handle all the small injuries, like broken wrists and fractured bones, cracked ribs and sprains, pulled muscles and deep, aching bruises. He was even used to treating gashes that came a little too close to his arteries for his own comfort. But after a while his body just couldn’t manage even one more papercut and decided to shut down so he could heal. The past three days had been filled with at least one job each night, and then Harry would spend the rest of that time in bed, unable to move without black fog cutting off his vision. Derek had had one of his flunkies literally carry Harry to a job last night when he hadn’t been able to make his own legs carry him.

 

Derek never sympathised, never gave him this time off to recuperate, no matter how many jobs Harry promised to do to make up for the time off.

 

Harry sat down on the bathroom floor of Derek’s house, naked and breathless after the walk from his bedroom, and pressed his sweaty forehead to the cold, white ceramic of the sink. He glanced up and his eyes caught on the pink plastic of a cheap women’s razor Derek had bought him when Harry had begged. He contemplated it. He considered snapping it, taking the blade out, and just giving up. He thought about it harder than he ever had before, but as he lifted his shaking fingers, Louis’ sad eyes flashed across his vision and he clenched his empty fingers shut before they could make contact. He couldn’t do it. Not without ever experiencing what Louis had promised him.

 

Perhaps it was pathetic to base all of his hopes and dreams on the fleeting possibility that Louis might make love to him one day, but if all you’d ever known was paid-for-fucks, then you’d feel the same way.

 

Suddenly Derek came barging into the bathroom and glared down at Harry’s trembling, bruised form.

 

“You look disgusting. Take a fucking shower, you’re filthy. How the fuck am I supposed to make any money when you look like that?” Derek demanded.

 

“Please, Uncle Derek, just . . . let me have a couple of days off to heal,” Harry begged in a broken, whisper soft voice, not covering himself, his modesty long-dead. Derek laughed and the sharp bark made Harry flinch helplessly.

 

“Get the fuck up, Harry. If you aren’t ready on time for the job tonight, then I’ll give you something you’ll really need to heal from,” Derek replied threateningly with a wide, sharp grin on his face before storming back out and slamming the door behind him.

 

“Please . . .” Harry whispered at the peeling white paint of the closed door, unable to stop the tears that fell from his eyes, scrubbing a hand over his face and wishing it would all just go away.

 

 

**LOUIS’ POV**

 

“Louis, you need to sit th’fuck down, you’re makin’ me dizzy, man,” Niall snapped at Louis’ pacing form, and Louis shot him the middle finger without breaking stride.

 

“3 days . . . tomorrow it’ll be 4 days . . . then 5, then 6, then 7 . . . where the _fuck_ is he?!” Louis spat with each turn.

 

“Louis, man, I’m sure he’s fine. Just call him or something,” Zayn shrugged, but Louis looked up and saw the worry in his friends’ big brown eyes.

 

“I have done, like, a thousand fucking times. He doesn’t do this. He disappears, sure, but not when he’s promised he’ll be back . . . and he always picks up his phone when I ring, always,” Louis said firmly.

 

“Maybe he’s just busy . . .” Liam trailed off lamely, making Zayn roll his eyes.

 

“That’s the bloody issue! He’s already injured, Liam, I don’t think he can take much more,” Louis wailed, scrubbing a hand through his hair roughly.

 

“So . . . Go get him,” Niall shrugged. Louis stormed over to where the blond lad sat sipping a beer on a stool at the bar.

 

“And get him killed?! Are you a fucking idiot?!” Louis snapped, and Niall simply took another sip of his pint. Louis stole it and took a desperate gulp of the bitter liquid before handing it back to a frowning Niall.

 

“Louis . . . are you being dramatic or are you actually worried for his safety-” Liam asked but then hurried to add “-More so than usual!” at Louis’ cocked eyebrow. Louis took a deep breath to calm himself a little, at least outwardly anyway, because it felt like an atomic bomb was going off in his chest, contained by his skin but decimating anything within it.

 

“Liam, he wouldn’t leave it this long, something is seriously wrong,” Louis said firmly, meeting Liam’s serious eyes with a determined expression.

 

“Okay,” Liam said and Louis frowned in confusion.

 

“Okay?” Louis asked.

 

“Okay, we’ll go over tonight in my car and surveil the house, look for any sign of Harry,” Liam shrugged as if that was a normal suggestion.

 

“What?” Louis asked with wide eyes at the same time as Niall crowed “SHOT GUN!” Which caused Zayn to groan in annoyance.

 

“We just sit in my car across the road. If we don’t see him then that’s whatever, but we might and then maybe you’ll shut up for a few hours,” Liam said lightly, rolling his eyes. If, from that point on, Louis couldn’t take his eyes from the clock, then Liam was the one to blame.

 

***

 

Louis’ arse was beginning to go numb, Niall kept pissing in some randomers’ front garden, Zayn was snoring like a fucking chain saw, and Liam kept sighing and asking if they could go home yet, but there was not a chance in hell that Louis was leaving until he’d seen Harry’s face.

 

A car came down the street, but they didn’t react other than a cursory glance, cars had been by regularly for the past 4 hours. But when the car pulled into Derek’s driveway, Louis sat up so fast he smacked his elbow on the window in his mad flail.

 

“It’s one in the morning, who the hell is coming over at this time?” Liam murmured in confusion. Louis had the sinking feeling he knew who was in the car, and unfortunately he was proved right as the passenger door swung open and a swaying form slowly emerged.

 

“Harry . . .” Louis whispered.

 

“You sure that’s him?” Niall asked, squinting at the dark figure.

 

“I’d know him anywhere,” Louis murmured back with a sad smile. The tall, lean figure of Harry slowly closed the car door, but he seemed to lose his footing, and he fell to the ground as a dead weight, not even putting out his hands to catch himself. Louis gripped the door handle tight and Liam’s hand was a restraint on his upper arm. The driver of the car came around to stand in front of Harry and it seemed like he was telling Harry to stand up, because Harry slowly managed to get onto all fours, but before he could stand the driver kicked his arms out from under him so he was laid-out face-first on the concrete. Quickly snapping a foot back to kick the fallen form sharply in the ribs. Harry slowly curved in on himself, as if he was too weak to even protect himself, and Louis was vibrating with the need to kill that bastard, whoever he was. The driver seemed to be shouting at Harry’s curled up form and Louis turned to Liam with wide, determined eyes.

 

“Lou, no. Going in now could get you both killed. Just, fuck, I know you can’t watch this and not react but just keep a clear head, Louis. If he’s in genuine danger then I won’t stop you,” Liam said seriously and Louis had to swallow his sharp retort because as much as it killed him, Liam was right. He couldn’t barge in half-cocked, he’d end up dead and so would Harry.

 

“Open the window, maybe you can hear them,” Niall suggested in a somber voice that Louis had never heard before from the blond lad. He rolled his window down with shaking fingers and could faintly hear the driver.

_‘You’re a waste of fucking space! Get the fuck up, you fucking faggot. If you don’t get up then I’ll beat you until you’ll never fucking stand again!’_

Louis could feel bile rising in his throat and he swallowed thickly, feeling a desperate kind of comfort in Zayn’s fingers which suddenly curled warmly over the back of his neck.

 

_‘I can’t wait until your uncle gets rid of you, you’re more hassle than you’re fucking worth! Now, get the fuck up!’_

 

The last word was punctuated by a harsh kick to Harry’s hip that had him whimpering so loud that Louis could hear it. Louis bit his bottom lip so hard that the metallic tang of blood spiked on his tongue.

 

The driver left then, storming into the house, and the figure that came back out was immediately recognisable to Louis. Derek strode out and stood above Harry, before suddenly snapping a hand out to fist in Harry’s hair, and Harry’s hands came up to weakly grasp his wrist. Derek began pulling until Harry was forced to crawl after him or have his hair ripped out. When both figures finally made it inside, Louis punched the dashboard so hard he heard the plastic crack. He sat back in his chair, hands in his hair, panting as if he’d just ran a mile.

 

“Shit,” Niall whispered into the silence.

 

“I can’t . . . I can’t leave him, Liam. I fucking can’t,” Louis said to the roof of the car.

 

“I know,” Liam whispered back.

 

“Look,” Louis said, letting go of his hair and turning in his seat so he could see each of his friends, “This is nothing to do with you lot. I’ll drive you home, but then I’m coming back for him-” Louis said but was cut off by Zayn’s snort.

 

“You think we’re just gonna go home? Come on, Tommo, think a-fucking-gain,” Zayn smirked, but there was anger in his eyes at what he’d just seen. Louis raised his fist.

 

“Team Zap?” Louis murmured with a weak smile.

 

“Fuck yes,” Zayn said, bumping his fist on Louis’. Louis felt at least a small amount of comfort in that, in the memories of their childhood together . . . They'd been so sure that they could defeat anything together.

 

“What about you guys? You seriously don’t need to get involved,” Louis shrugged, looking at Niall and Liam.

 

“He’s a kid, Lou. I’m already involved,” Liam shrugged and Louis smiled at him in thanks.

 

“Why the fuck not. Wouldn’t mind punching those twats in the face,” Niall grinned with a feral gleam in his eyes, making Louis laugh sharply.

 

“You guys do realise that if we do this then some seriously bad people will be after us?” Louis said carefully and he got blank, unimpressed looks back for his trouble. “Okay, then. I guess we’re kidnapping Harry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is short and shitty and i'm sorry :/  
> xxx


	9. I Will Stumble And Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being a shitty updater, I have a fuckton of uni work on at the moment :/ meh. But thank you to the people who came and bugged me on tumblr because you're the only reason I managed to update hahaha :) And all the comments you guys leave on this have been so supportive and lovely so thank you to all of you amazing readers <3
> 
> Anyway, i was emotional and took it out on the poor characters, so here you go :) hope you enjoy <3
> 
> Chapter title comes from 'Say Something' by A Great Big World ft Christina Aguilera.

**LOUIS’ POV**

 

Louis finally made it through the bedroom window, stumbling from the windowsill, and freezing at the sight of Harry sat still and silent on the bed. Harry was looking at him but he wasn’t reacting, there was no smile on his lips, no light in his eyes at the sight of Louis. Harry’s face was just . . . blank. Like he had no idea who Louis even was, and Louis didn’t know what to do with that.

His heart was tight in his chest, like a fist was clenching around it and every second Harry’s eyes remained blank, those fingers clenched just a little more. Louis finally took a deep breath and stepped slowly closer to the younger boy. Harry didn’t even look up, so he ended up staring at Louis’ stomach as Louis stood directly in front of him. A few seconds passed like this as Louis fought within himself. A part of him wanted to grab Harry and run as fast as he could, but . . . another part told him that it wasn’t a good idea to push Harry right now.

Harry looked damaged. More broken up than usual. His skin so pale it was almost translucent, deep, dark bruises covering most of that skin until it was the paleness that seemed odd. Louis’ fingers were trembling. How did he fix this? Harry was almost . . . catatonic? That’s the word you use, right? When someone seems like they’ve left their body behind? Like there’s no life left within them?

Louis clenched his teeth hard before slowly lifting his shaking fingers to touch Harry’s cheekbone. Harry didn’t flinch, but he also didn’t turn into the touch like he did when he felt safe. Louis slowly knelt until he was eye-to-eye with Harry and lifted both hands, cupping them gently on either side of the silent boy’s face. He looked into Harry’s eyes and silently begged to see his Harry within their depths.

“Say something,” Louis begged brokenly, his voice barely a whisper, but it made Harry’s lashes flutter and it loosed the hold on Louis’ heart just a little. “Please . . . Just, say something. Anything, Harry, anything.”

Harry seemed to come back to himself a little, but instead of recognition, his eyes went dark as pain and horror abounded within their green depths.

“You need to leave,” Harry’s broken voice was so raw that Louis’ flinched helplessly. And then his words registered.

“What?” Louis asked dumbly.

“Go, Louis,” Harry said, his voice still had a . . . dead quality to it.

“I’m not leaving without you,” Louis frowned and Harry blinked lazily.

“Give up on me,” Harry said and it felt like a kick to Louis’ stomach.

“I won’t, Harry. I’m not leaving without you,” Louis replied firmly.

“You’re never going to win, Louis. Just . . . Let go. I’m not meant to be saved by you,” Harry said and a little more of himself swam in his eyes this time, as tears began to slowly track down his otherwise emotionless face.

“Harry, you need to shut the fuck up and come with me,” Louis said harshly, his panic shaking every letter as it fell from his slightly-numb tongue. 

“I’m not going with you, Louis. Just . . . Please, just give up on me, please, Louis . . . please,” and there he was, Louis’ Harry was back, sat terrified and sad in front of him, filled with pain and covered in bruises. Louis slowly shook his head in the negative as more tears fell from Harry’s sparkling eyes. Louis took deep breaths, trying to control his need to cry, lifting a sweaty hand to brush the matted curls out of Harry’s face, before leaning up to press a kiss to his forehead.

“Not leaving you alone baby . . . not again,” Louis whispered with his lips still against Harry’s skin. Harry’s quaking hands came up to press lightly against Louis’ chest, not pushing just touching, reassuring.

“You deserve so much better,” Harry whispered against Louis’ collarbones and Louis’ couldn’t help the wet little laugh that escaped his lips at that. 

“No baby, I barely deserve you. But you deserve so much more than this, so much more. Please let me take you away, Harry. Don’t make me leave you here,” Louis begged softly, slowly wrapping his arms around Harry’s bony frame. He’s lost even more weight.

“It’s not going to work. He’ll come for me. I’m . . . I’m gonna die soon, Lou. I know . . . I know you said we’d have a future and I can’t thank you enough for letting me have that, at least for a little while, but . . . I won’t be around to make it happen,” Harry said, his voice so careful, so honest and resigned and Louis felt like screaming because he wasn’t sure. He wasn’t sure if he could keep him safe and he didn’t know how to deal with that.

“I will fight with every breath in my lungs to keep you safe, Harry. I won’t give up, no matter how much you beg me to,” Louis said through gritted teeth, pressing his forehead to Harry’s curls. Louis didn’t wait for Harry to respond, just clasped his upper arms and pulled him up from the bed as Louis stood himself. He pulled Harry to the window, and Harry went easily, face passive and Louis wanted to shout, to kick and scream and force Harry not to give up, not now, not after he’s made Louis . . . Not after he’s forced Louis to care. He can’t be his everything then just disappear.

Louis helped Harry get down onto the lower ledge, helped him jump down onto the bins. He grabbed Harry’s hand and led him around a more complicated way to the car, wanting to stay out of sight of any windows. Louis let go of Harry’s hand, motioning for Harry to wait there whilst Louis got the lads to bring the car over.

Liam rolled the window down as he came over.

“You got him?” Liam asked, brow furrowed in worry.

“Yeah he’s over ther-” Louis cut off as he turned and couldn’t see Harry under the tree. “Fuck, where the _fuck_ did he go?!” Louis panicked.

“Some guy just headed that way . . . same height,” Zayn said worriedly, pointing down the road. Louis took off, running off in the direction Zayn pointed. He couldn’t see Harry anywhere until . . . Just down the road, a low bridge crossed a wide, raging river, high from the rain they’d had. Harry was at the edge, he’d jumped up to sit on the railing, his feet hanging down above the dark water. Louis ran towards him, cold air searing his lungs and making his eyes water.

“Harry!” Louis called and Harry looked up slowly. Louis came to a stop a few steps away, not wanting to spook him and make him fall. “Harry . . . You need to come down,” Louis murmured softly, trying to stay calm.

“I’m so tired, Louis,” Harry whispered, so softly that the river nearly washed the sound away.

“I know, baby. Come with me, come back to mine and you can rest, okay?” Louis said, a note of pleading in his tone, he felt more afraid now than he had in a long time.

“I want to sleep. I just want to sleep and not have to wake up,” Harry’s voice was so sad, so very hopeless and childlike.

“Please, baby, you need to come with me,” Louis murmured back, attempting to take sly steps closer but Harry frowned at him and seemed to slide closer to the edge of the railing, making Louis freeze in fear.

“You know . . . I don’t have much body strength anymore, and there’s still drugs in my system. I bet if I fell in I wouldn’t be able to swim . . . I’d just . . . float away on the current. Float far, far away,” Harry’s voice was wistful, longing, and Louis felt like throwing up. Louis had known, had always known, that this was a possibility, that a little part of Harry wanted to give up, but it was so much harder coming face to face with it. He knew pleading wouldn’t get him anywhere.

“You’re 17 in a week, Harry. I already bought your birthday present,” Louis told him, feeling breathless and almost giddy with terror. He decided to change tracks. “Liam still has connections in the force. He knows people who can keep you safe and lock Derek up. But . . . I-If you’re not okay with that yet, we can just go to the hospital . . . I’m worried, baby. You’re so thin and hurt. I . . . Harry, I really fucking need you, okay? Fuck everything, just, get down from there and come with me because if you don’t then I don’t know what I’ll do. I can’t give up on you, I can’t let go when you’re so far under my skin that I’ll never be able to get all the traces of you out,” and now Louis was crying, big heavy tears that trailed down his neck to soak his t-shirt. Screw being selfless. “I need you to come home with me. I need you to use my shampoo and wear my pyjamas even though they’re too short for you. I need you to watch stupid fucking cartoons at all hours and drive me crazy when you decide to meow like that fucking snail all day,” Louis said.

“Gary,” Harry whispered.

“What?” Louis asked in confusion.

“It’s Spongebob’s pet snail, he’s called Gary,” Harry explained softly, glancing up at Louis from under his lashes.

“I’ll buy you a fucking snail if you come down,” Louis replied hysterically. Harry glanced from Louis to the river a few times before slowly sliding back over the railings where Louis practically jumped on him, squeezing him tight to his chest.

“I’ll come home with you . . . but only ‘cause the water’s probably really cold,” Harry murmured into Louis’ neck and Louis choked out laughs that sounded more like sobs.

 

**HARRY’S POV**

 

He felt so tired, could feel this weird pressure in his bones, like they were waiting, begging him to just let them give up, let him crumble to the ground and never get back up.

The ride to Louis’ was silent, and Harry hid under the warmth and safety of Louis’ arms, too tired to be afraid of the three other men in the car. 

Louis helped him into the club and up the stairs to his apartment, the other men slowly shuffling in behind them and heading to the kitchen as Louis walked Harry to his bedroom. Louis left Harry in the centre of the room as he rifled through his draws to find some pyjamas that would fit Harry.

Harry looked at Louis, followed the deep curve of his waist, the flair of his hips, his sharp shoulder blades that reminded Harry a little of bird’s wings. His hair lay tousled on his forehead, his fringe just slightly too long as it fell to catch on his eyelashes every time he blinked. With his little nose, sharp cheekbones, and thin, pink lips, Louis was so utterly breath-taking and Harry felt hideous in comparison.

Harry felt a surge of determination at that, and lifted his arms, ignoring his aching muscles, to pull off his clothes until he stood in only his little black boxers that had a rip on the hip to show a large patch of pale skin. Louis turned then with the pyjama in his small hands and they fell from his fingers with soft thuds as he took in the sight before him. Louis’ eyes roamed every inch of him, but Harry didn’t feel ashamed for once, because there was heat there in his wide, blue eyes. Harry knew lust, he made a profession out of it, and he could see it plain and simple in Louis’ eyes, but knew that Louis would never even think to make a move. Louis was the first person to treat Harry like a human being in a very long time, and it was heady, that sense of care and protection, it made his chest feel tight and his shoulders straighten out with almost a sense of pride that he was worth those feelings from someone as lovely as Louis.

Louis was frozen where he stood when his eyes finally met Harry’s. His face was almost completely blank, and it was so blatantly obvious that he was trying to hide his reactions to Harry, that he didn’t want to frighten the younger boy. So Harry took the lead. He slowly walked closer, much like Louis had earlier in the bedroom, approaching like the other person may bolt at any second. When he was finally close enough he leaned down until his nose could brush up Louis’ jaw and his lips could press a gentle kiss to the underside. It was the only point of contact between them, but Harry still noticed the shudder that racked Louis’ shorter, stronger body. Harry continued to press lazy kisses to Louis’ jaw and the side of his neck, hoping to distract Louis as his fingers came up to pinch the bottom of his t-shirt, slowly dragging it up and revealing inch after inch of Louis’ soft, golden skin. He managed to pull it over Louis’ head without much resistance from the older man, and Harry took advantage of the newly bared skin, running his fingers down Louis’ torso, playing his fingertips in the dips of Louis’ defined abs, dragging them down and stroking them into his v-lines. He followed the muscle down until he hit the top of Louis’ jeans, dragging his fingers across the denim until his could tug open his button and zip. Harry finally dragged his lips up until then hovered over Louis’ slightly parted lips, feeling the other boy’s panted breaths against his own mouth.

“What’re you waiting for?” Harry whispered into Louis’ mouth and Louis groaned and surged forwards, pressing his lips to Harry’s in a bruising kiss that the younger boy relished in as he shoved his hand under the denim at Louis’ hips, pushing until they pooled at his feet and Louis stepped out of them. Finally Louis used his hands, one threading through the hair at Harry’s nape to tilt his head how he wanted it, the other clasping Harry’s hip and pulling him tight to Louis. Harry pressed himself flush to Louis their chests pressed tightly together, as he stroked his hands down Louis’ back until they could slip under his boxers and Harry could cup the bare skin of his arse cheeks. He squeezed the firm muscle in his hands and Louis used it as an excuse to grind their hips together, lazy but sure. Harry stubbornly ignored the aching pain in his wrist from his own actions. He wasn’t going to let his injuries ruin this.

The undulations of Louis’ firm body drove him wild and he yanked at Louis’ shoulders, pulling and tugging until he could fall back on the bed, Louis stood above him, chest rising and falling with his gasping breaths, tan skin flushed from Harry fingers and lips. Harry lay sprawled below him and he could almost feel Louis’ eyes as they dragged over every blushing and bruised bit of him.

When Louis continued to look and not touch, Harry slowly sat up and shuffled to the edge of the bed until his legs bracketed Louis and his hands could press to the hard muscle of Louis’ thighs. Harry played his fingers through the soft, dark hairs there as he leaned forwards to press a gentle kiss to the skin just above Louis’ waistband.

“What are you waiting for?” Harry repeated, but this time Louis still paused. He felt Louis’ fingers on his jaw then and leaned into the touch as Louis tilted his head so he could meet his eyes.

“I was afraid you wouldn’t be in there,” Louis murmured, rubbing a thumb under Harry’s eye to make it clear what he meant. Harry could vividly remember the first time he had met Louis. He could remember how upset Louis was when he noticed Harry had disconnected.

“I wouldn’t miss a second of this for the world,” Harry finally whispered honestly, gazing up at Louis with wide, guileless eyes. Louis dragged a finger down the bridge of Harry’s nose and Harry titled his head to he could softly nip the pad of that finger with his teeth. He sucked the end of that finger into his mouth, his eyes never once leaving Louis’.

“Are you sure you want this?” Louis asked softly as Harry let go of the finger in his mouth to kiss the centre of Louis’ palm. Harry nodded slowly.

“More than anything,” Harry whispered and Louis searched his eyes for a long time. Louis didn’t say anything in return, but he moved as if to kneel on the bed so Harry shuffled back until he lay with his head on Louis’ pillow, eyes locked on the shining blue of Louis’ gazes as the older man crawled slowly up the length of Harry’s body to settle between his spread thighs. Louis rested on his elbows on either side of Harry’s face and it felt like they were cocooned by his arms, Harry felt safe and sheltered beneath him, and it was so utterly foreign to him. Usually he’d feel trapped and desperate until he’d force himself to shut down, but there was no urge within him to leave, no desperate fear clouding his mind.

Louis leaned onto one arm so he could lift his other hand, stroking his thumb over Harry’s bruised cheekbone, gently touching the freshly scabbed gash that lay there from one customer’s wedding ring when he’d punched him for moving too slowly.

“I was supposed to stay away from you, to look after you and keep you safe . . . not fuck you,” Louis said, eyes almost tormented with indecision.

“You do keep me safe. What’s so wrong with having this too?” Harry asked softly, lifting his own fingers to brush over Louis’ bottom lip.

“You’re hurt and in a difficult position and I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this just because I’m helping you,” Louis whispered with a frown. Harry leant up to kiss the little wrinkle between his eyebrows.

“I want to do this because you’re the most beautiful and amazing man I’ve ever met, and I’ve met a lot of men,” Harry said with a wry smile that made Louis snort and nuzzle at his neck, causing Harry to giggle. Harry lost his smile quickly though, Louis was too important to him and it frightened him more than anything Derek could ever do to him. “I want this because I love you a little bit and I want to know what it’s like to be with you before . . . before this ends,” Harry whispered seriously, looking timidly into Louis’ clear eyes. Louis leaned down to rub his nose against Harry’s.

“I’m a little in love with you too, baby,” Louis whispered, his breath tickling Harry’s lips.

“Then don’t walk away from this . . . Don’t leave me,” Harry whispered, lifting both hands to cup Louis’ jaw.

“You asked me to give up on you earlier,” Louis pointed out softly, searching Harry’s eyes.

“Part of me wants you to get far, far away from how toxic I am. But . . . The rest of me can’t even breathe at the thought of never seeing you again. It’s what kept me going. I was so determined that I’d see you again,” Harry admitted delicately, nervous that he’d said too much, that Louis wouldn’t like the thought of Harry being so obsessed with him.

“If I helped you get through that, even in some small way, then you don’t understand how happy that makes me, Harry. I was fucking terrified these past few days. I didn’t think you’d ever come back and I couldn’t stand that,” Louis said, his pain laid bare in his husky voice. 

“I just . . . I wanted to know what it’d be like, to kiss you and hold you a-and to have you inside of me,” Harry blushed on the last part but he had to say it, had to be honest. “I’ve been hurt by so many men using sex, but I just . . . I know it wouldn’t be like that with you. I’ve known ever since the day I met you. You noticed that I was broken when no one else ever had or even cared if I was. I know that I’m younger than you, and that Liam and Zayn think you should stay away from me in a sexual way but . . . I need you. Even if it’s just for tonight,” Harry forced out through his tight throat and couldn’t help the tears that fell down the sides of his face.

“Harry . . . I stayed away because I knew I wouldn’t be able to walk away if I’d loved you like that. So be prepared for one hell of a fight, baby,” Louis whispered before leaning down to kiss Harry’s lips with a softness that stole his breath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd really like to know what you guys think of the story so far and if there's anything particular that you like or dislike? pretty please, your comments are really helpful xxx


	10. I Hope You Find A Way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I won't be updating for a little while because of Uni assignments and shit, but I'll still answer anything on tumblr and comments on here and stuff :)
> 
> Chapter title is from 'Honest' by The Neighbourhood.
> 
> And um, enjoy and I'm sorry don't hate me <3

LOUIS’ POV

The feel of Harry’s soft skin against his was maddening, especially since they’d both shucked their boxers a few moments ago. It took everything inside of Louis to make sure he went slowly, and he shuddered at the sounds Harry was making beneath him, the way he arched up into Louis almost desperately.

Louis sat back on his haunches after one more soft kiss, eyes raking the delicate boy sprawled before him, before leaning over to grab the lube and condoms in his top drawer. He rolled the condom on now so that it wouldn’t cause an awkward pause later, before slicking up his fingers moving back to Harry. Louis placed one hand on the bed beside Harry’s shoulder, kneeling above him, his other hand poised but . . . hesitating. Was he making the right decision? Was he taking advantage? He didn’t want this if Harry wasn’t one hundred percent sure. He’d hate himself if he ever hurt Harry.

“You’re sure?” Louis asked again, voice whisper soft, muscles trembling at being restrained.

Harry smiled up at him and instead of answering his simply grabbed Louis’ wrist and gently moved his hand where he wanted it. Louis’ breath caught as his fingers brushed Harry’s entrance and the younger boy’s eyelashes fluttered in what looked like pleasure. Harry let go of his wrist as Louis finally kicked himself into action, and he lifted his hand to cup the back of Louis’ neck instead, pulling him down until Louis could press a gentle, loving kiss to his lips. Louis pulled back and rested his forehead against Harry’s, watching intently as he finally pressed one finger inside of him. He felt how Harry’s breath stuttered, against his own lips, saw the way his eyes closed for a moment as he adjusted to the intrusion. Louis paused for a moment and he noticed the soft smile on Harry’s lips.

“You don’t have to be so careful, Louis. I’m used to far worse,” Harry whispered, eyes wide and honest and Louis wanted to cry, but he bit his bottom lip and took a second to control himself.

“Not with me . . . Never with me,” Louis said, voice thick with unshed tears and Harry searched his eyes for a few quiet moments, lifting tentative fingers to brush at the skin below Louis’ eyes, Louis saw the slight shimmer on his fingers as he pulled away and felt frustrated that he hadn’t managed to catch all of his tears.

“I never thought I’d meet someone like you,” Harry whispered. Louis didn’t know how to respond to that, but he didn’t have to because Harry leaned up to capture his lips in a kiss that stole Louis’ breath, it was hot and hungry and demanding and took Louis by surprise. When Harry suddenly ground his hips down onto Louis’ finger he kicked himself back into action and began to work another finger inside of the younger boy. Harry mewled into the kiss and Louis swallowed the sound, kissing him back with fervour. Louis had built up to three fingers by the time they pulled away from the kiss to gasp in desperate breaths against each others skin. That was when Harry started talking and Louis had to hold himself back with every inch of restraint he contained. “I need you, so, so much. Please, Louis. Please, fuck me, j-just please. I want you so bad,” His voice was a desperate whimpering sound as Louis moved his fingers quicker inside of him, Harry’s hips snapping down to meet each thrust, pale body flushed and writhing below him.

“Harry, damn, you’ve gotta stop talking or I’m not gonna last long enough to do anything,” Louis said wryly, sweat glistening on his forehead and Harry laughed breathlessly into his neck before moaning deeply as Louis twisted his fingers.

“Then stop teasing and fuck me,” Harry moaned with a smirk and Louis saw it then. Part of him hadn’t really connected to the fact that Harry was actually a whole lot more experienced at this than him, and it was a strange thought to connect to the young boy who sat in oversized jumpers and watched cartoons until you forcibly removed him from the couch, but he could see it now. It was there in Harry’s eyes; knowledge. Harry knows this game better than most people, and he knows how to get the desired response, and damn if Louis wasn’t predictable. He removed his fingers and slicked up his cock faster than he could take a breath. He pressed his forehead to Harry’s as he slowly pressed himself inside of him, abdomen clenching and sweat breaking out over every inch of his skin.

Harry’s nails raked down Louis’ back as Louis slowly bottomed out, and the muscle in Louis’ jaw jumped as he clenched his teeth hard.

“Shit,” Louis gasped against Harry’s collar bone as his hips finally pressed to Harry’s thighs. Harry threaded his fingers in the hair at the back of Louis’ head and pulled until Louis lifted his head to kiss him, Harry’s mouth hot and hungry against his as he slid his hands down to clench hard on Louis’ hips, grinding his own up into him, searching for friction on his cock. Louis pulled back and grasped the backs of Harry’s knees, pushing them up and slightly apart, using them as leverage to thrust achingly slow in and out of Harry’s body.

Harry’s hands threaded through his own hair, his head arching back, mouth open on a moan, lips pink, swollen, obscene.

Louis moved further back onto his knees, pulling Harry’s hips until they rested against his legs, his shoulders holding his weight on the bed, and got a tighter grip on Harry's hips to move him up and down as he thrust his own hips. One of Harry’s hands slid down his own stomach to lazily pull at his own length, his body almost convulsing with pleasure as Louis targeted his prostate. Louis’ eyes were glued to each shift of his breakable body, rapt on the way his skinny frame left his bones in sharp relief, he imagined what he’d look like healthy, how broad he’d be. With his wide shoulders and tall frame, Harry wasn’t built to be small, so Louis could imagine feeling utterly tiny in comparison to this boy if he managed to put on weight. He found that he quite liked the thought of that, of being smaller but still able to reduce him to this, to writhing and gasping and begging him for more.

Harry reached up to grab Louis’ shoulders and pulled himself up to sit on Louis’ thighs. He leaned back, leveraging with one hand on Louis’ shoulder, the other on the bed behind him, and undulated his body expertly, his body a rolling wave that was as utterly beautiful as it was sinful. Louis moved his hand to pull quickly at Harry’s neglected length and Harry’s hips stuttered before regaining their rhythm. It wasn’t long until Harry was coming with a choked whimper that made Louis’ breath catch in his throat. Louis held Harry to him as the younger boy’s body went loose with orgasm, moving to lay him back on the bed before pulling out, his own length still hard and aching.

Harry gave him a confused look and grabbed Louis’ shoulders tightly as Louis made as if to leave the bed.

“What’re you doing?” His voice was deliciously rough and Louis smiled.

“Getting a flannel. You’re a little filthy,” Louis said with a breathless laugh as he gave a pointed look to the come that painted Harry’s stomach.

“No, I mean . . . You didn’t come,” Harry said frankly and Louis blushed a little and shrugged.

“I don’t mind, Harry,” Louis murmured, brushing Harry’s hair back from his forehead.

“Well I do,” Harry said with a determined cast to his face, sitting up and crawling over to kiss Louis with soft, swollen lips. Harry’s hand came up to stroke his length, but he huffed and pulled off the condom first before fitting his hand back over Louis’ length, and Louis gasped at the difference in sensation. Louis didn’t last long much to his embarrassment, coming with a gasp, Harry’s lips still against his. Harry pulled back then and gave him a satisfied smile that was almost innocent in its simple happiness.

Harry hopped off of the bed and wandered into the bathroom, and Louis took a few steadying breaths before standing on aching legs to follow him, finding him washing his hands clean at the sink. Louis leaned against the door frame and just watched him for a moment.

Harry kept flicking little glances at him and his cheeks were a startling pink, shyly tilting his shoulders in as if to hide his nakedness, and it was all so familiar after the confidence in bed that Louis had to stifle a laugh against his hand. This was the Harry he knew.

***

When Harry was finally asleep Louis slipped from the covers silently, leaving the room and closing the door behind him with a soft ‘snick’.

He found Liam and Niall on the couch, and Zayn making a cup of tea in the kitchen. He sat at the kitchen table and Zayn silently made him a cup of tea too. Louis took it with a grateful smile as Zayn sat down beside him, and things were quiet for a few moments as they sipped their drinks.

“You slept with him,” Zayn said quietly as he played with the handle on his mug. Louis sighed.

“Yeah,” Louis said tiredly and Zayn nodded.

“It’s gonna come back to bite you in the arse,” Zayn said casually, taking another sip of his tea and finally looking at Louis.

“Probably,” Louis agreed.

“He still has to sleep with other people, Louis,” Zayn pointed out quietly and Louis sighed again, rubbing a hand through his hair.

“Yeah, I know . . . Still doesn’t make me regret it,” Louis replied just as quietly. But he could feel an ache in his heart. Just because he understands doesn’t mean he’s happy about it. “I think he thinks it was just a one-time thing anyway,” Louis shrugged. “He doesn’t think he’s got long left.”

“Shit, Lou,” Zayn said sadly, like the words were torn from him, and he reached across to hold tightly onto Louis’ hand, and Louis held his back with a little desperation.

“Remember when our biggest problem in life was thinking about how to come out to our parents?” Louis whispered, staring down at his tea.

“Yeah.”

“We had it so easy,” Louis said with a wry smile, meeting Zayn’s gaze and knew Zayn could see the slight shine of the tears he refused to shed.

 

HARRY’S POV

Harry awoke to the sun shining through the gaps in the curtains, rubbing his eyes and turning over, frowning when he realised the other side of the bed was empty. He lifted a hand and rubbed at his face tiredly, frowning once again when his hand came away wet with sweat. As he gradually woke a little more he started to notice just how warm he felt and how much his joints ached. He felt ill, really ill.

He slowly managed to sit up, blinking his eyes quickly at the wave of dizziness he felt, and pressed one hand to the cold wall the help himself stand. He groaned as pressure was put on his aching joints but managed to stumble into the bathroom for a quick wee.

He found a pair of grey boxers in one of Louis’ drawers and pulled them on, ignoring how baggy they are on his bony hips, and wandered out into the living room, wincing a little at how bright it was.

Just as he got to the doorway another wave of heat and dizziness made his vision blur and he weakly slumped against the door, trying to use the handle to hold himself up. He took a few deep breaths before moving shakily forwards, heading to the kitchen where he could hear Zayn, Louis and Liam. Niall must have gone home last night.

When Harry got into the kitchen he noticed Niall sat silently on Liam’s knee, eating a bacon sandwich- so he’d stayed too. Harry felt embarrassed that he was the reason they hadn’t left.

“Hi,” Harry murmured nervously as he stepped into the kitchen, suddenly very aware of all his bare skin as the other boys all seemed to stare at every bruise and scrape.

“Damn,” Niall murmured and put down his sandwich, looking a little paler than usual. Harry blushed in shame, he’d put Niall off of his food he was so disgusting. “You should eat more, man. You could use some more weight on ya,” Niall said softly and Harry crossed his arms over his stomach and turned to leave. He didn’t like being judged.

A hand on his arm stopped him though and he turned to see Louis’ worried face.

“You look a little red, baby. You okay?” Louis murmured so the other boys wouldn’t hear since they were having their own conversation now.

“Feel kinda unwell, I guess,” Harry shrugged and shivered a little as a sudden chill went down his back. Louis lifted a hand to touch Harry forehead and frowned.

“You’re burning up,” Louis murmured.

“I feel freezing,” Harry said in sudden realisation. Louis silently pulled off the baggy jumper he was wearing, revealing his white tank top, and handed it to Harry who slipped it on with a grateful smile. He could smell Louis on the fabric.

“Come on, I’ll make you some breakfast,” Louis said, threading his fingers through Harry’s.

“I’m not really hungry,” Harry replied with an apologetic frown and Louis looked worried again.

“Baby, you really can’t afford to be missing any more meals,” Louis murmured, coming close to touch the side of Harry’s face.

“I just feel a little queasy right now, maybe later, okay?” Harry murmured back and Louis nodded reluctantly.

He turned to follow Louis back into the kitchen anyway and it was a good thing he was holding his hand because it let Louis know that Harry was about to drop. Louis caught Harry as he started to crumble and Harry could faintly hear Louis frantically asking him something but the words were all blurry.

The next thing he knew he was laid across the back seat of a car, his head resting on Louis’ lap, but he had no strength to talk or move.

“Why the fuck is there so much traffic?!” Louis snapped above him.

“Just stay calm, Louis,” Liam replied firmly and Harry realised he was the one driving.

“How the fuck can I stay calm? What the fuck is wrong with him?! Anything could happen if we don’t get to the hospital in time!” Louis almost screamed and Harry started to internally panic at the mention of a hospital, but his thoughts were still sluggish and he felt so hot and cold at the same time that it was hard to concentrate.

“I think it’s like an infection. I doubt they gave him medical care when he got busted up on jobs. It’ll be okay, Louis, the hospital can heal this,” Liam said firmly and Harry internally frowned- his face felt numb- an infection? That didn’t sound good.

“Infections don’t get this bad!” Louis snapped.

“They do if they spread to the blood stream,” Liam replied grimly and that shut Louis up.

But still Harry had the fleeting thought that if Derek finds out he went to a hospital then all the medication would be wasted on his lifeless corpse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. I'm a cruel writer. 
> 
> Anyway, I'm curious as to where you guys are all from, I did this before on a different fic of mine and there were so many nationalities it was crazy. So if you don't mind would you comment where you're from? :) xxx


	11. Heaving Through Corrupted Lungs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so obviously this is a very late update and I'm very, very sorry. Thank you so much to you lovely readers who have stuck with me through this massive pause.  
> This is not the main drama, this is kind of the filler needed to get to that drama, and I'm sorry but I wanted to upload it so you guys at least had something small to know that I haven't abandoned this fic. I have already started writing the next chapter so hopefully it'll be up soon.  
> I hope you enjoy this crappy chapter :)

HARRY’S POV

The hospital was a blur of noise and light and Louis’ panicked voice. He wanted to argue, wanted to tell Louis to take him away, to get him far, far away from that hospital, but his numb lips wouldn’t listen to him. Nurses shouted about IV drips and antibiotics and blood poisoning from untreated wounds. To be honest Harry hoped they wouldn’t be able to fix him. But no . . . Then he’d never see Louis again. He’d never learn not to be so afraid. Maybe he’d be able to really talk to Zayn one day without trembling so hard his teeth chattered. Or maybe he’d get to know Liam and Niall more; Niall seemed like someone he’d have maybe been friends with if he’d gone to college and had a normal life.

He had this need inside him, this ache in his chest, and it told him that he could have that . . . If he was willing to fight this, if he was willing to go against everything he’d been conditioned to think for 4 years. It was hard, part of him just wanted to crawl back to Uncle Derek with his tail between his legs and beg him for forgiveness, but the rest of him knew that that was impossible. Uncle Derek was slowly using him up, gradually breaking him down until he’d barely be able to move, never mind fight back when the time came to put him out of commission.

Harry tried hard to stay out of his own mind, to focus on Louis’ fingers squeezing his hand tight, but it was hard when everything felt so warm and blurry and heavy. Harry couldn’t make his mind pause for even one second, just long enough to take a deep breath and focus his eyes, that was until he saw a face that made his stomach clench in dread.

The man was mid-height and unremarkable, but Harry recognised his eyes, beady and dark, like a rat’s, Harry thought.

He’d patched Harry up without a word, before, many, many times. Harry had been 14 and one of his clients had refused to use enough lube, he was hurt inside so badly that he couldn’t sit down for weeks, and he had broken the bone in Harry’s forearm by holding him down. He’s been small and frail and afraid and when Derek told the doctor to keep this to himself the man hadn’t even hesitated before agreeing and pocketing the money Derek handed to him.

 

ZAYN’S POV

Zayn had honestly never felt so afraid, Louis was beside himself, completely attuned to every whimper and moan that left Harry’s bitten and bleeding lips, cringing every time Harry convulsed or sobbed in pain. But it all became a thousand times worse when Harry caught sight of something and began thrashing so hard he was probably hurting himself, but it didn’t seem like he cared; Harry had this look in his wide, glassy eyes, one that reminded Zayn of when an animal got caught in a trap and would thrash and contort and break its own bones in its desperation to get free. He rushed forwards to help Louis and the other doctors hold Harry down on the gurney but adrenaline was making the frail boy far stronger than he usually was, and he managed to throw them off and tumble down from the gurney. But despite the adrenaline his legs wouldn’t hold him and he tried in vain to crawl away.

Honestly Zayn was holding back from sobbing. Louis was on the floor attempting to grab Harry’s arms and keep him still, whispering things too quickly for Zayn to catch, other than bits and pieces like “I’m here, baby,” and “I love you a little," and "no one will touch you,” and Zayn couldn’t help the tears that fell then. It fucking killed him, watching his best friend fall in love with someone so damaged, but at the same time he’d accidently started to care about Harry too, and he wanted him to be happy more than anything. It was horrible, watching Harry’s bruised and battered form sag against Louis’ chest, crawl so close it looked as if he were trying to bury himself inside of Louis’ chest, to hide behind his ribs. Louis looked up at Zayn then, as he held Harry close and Zayn could read him just as easily as he could when they were 15 and Louis had stolen the keys to their headmaster’s car. Their teacher was searching bags as they swore it wasn’t them, and Louis had sent him one look and Zayn knew to cause a distraction so Louis could pull the keys out of his bag and hide them in his boxers, Louis’ reasoning being that he could claim child abuse if they found them there.

Zayn knew with that one look what Louis was telling him. Someone here was a threat, someone had set Harry off, and he and Louis would both die before letting them anywhere near the terrified boy.

Zayn began scanning faces for any sign but he couldn’t figure out who it was. There were three female nurses hovering worriedly and a male and female doctor stood waiting for Harry to calm down.

Zayn hesitantly moved towards Louis and Harry, careful to stay in Harry’s line of sight so he knew Zayn was coming closer. Zayn crouched down to whisper to Louis.

“Who is it?” Zayn murmured and Louis gritted his teeth before answering. Zayn was surprised Louis was keeping so outwardly calm, to be honest, in high school he’d always been the first to throw a punch, but Zayn guessed Harry had something to do with that.

“The bloke. The doctor.” Louis said shortly and Zayn nodded before quietly walking over to stand in front of the male doctor, and he must have looked serious because a second later he felt Niall and Liam flank him, arms crossed and looking intimidating, trusting that Zayn was in the right.

“You need to leave the room. You need to leave and if you ever come near him again then you’ll be getting a visit from the police,” Zayn knew he’d guessed right on the guy doing something illegal when a flash of fear struck the man’s beady little eyes and he scurried from the room without a further word, leaving the female doctor looking shocked. Zayn turned to her and fought to keep his face calm. “That dick goes nowhere near Harry, yeah? If we find out you let him near then we’ll bring hell down on this place. Pretty sure we have enough info on just that guy to warrant a full check of the entire hospital and it’s records,” Zayn said confidently, completely bullshitting but she was buying it, nodding firmly and agreeing profusely.

“Actually,” Liam chimed in in a thoughtful tone, “As a former police officer I can vouch for that one. I might even pull a few strings and see how many people we can charge in this place. I wouldn’t fuck with us, if I were you,” Liam shrugged casually and Zayn smirked a little. The woman nodded once more and hurried off to warn the other nurses of the new rules and probably to scare them into behaving.

“You’re hot when you get all authoritative and shit,” Zayn heard Niall mutter to Liam as they walked away and Zayn bit back his laugh as he watched Liam blush hard and tug Niall into his side. Zayn’s mirth was short lived though as he heard a truly horrible sound come from Harry.

They were removing the makeshift bandages on his broken wrist and every movement was obviously agonising for Harry. Zayn could see how swollen and mottled his wrist looked from right across the room. Louis was fluttering about like a nervous little bird and Zayn walked over to wrap his arms around his shoulders from behind. Louis sagged back into him gratefully.

The nurses gave Harry something that knocked him out cold, but his brow was still furrowed in pain as he breathed unevenly, so Zayn carefully tugged Louis away, not wanting him to watch as the nurses carefully began administering various drugs and taking blood samples.

He pulled Louis down onto a couch, cuddling him so close that the shorter boy was nearly in his lap, pretending not to feel the tears that hit his neck.

“What did that guy do to him?” Zayn whispered and Louis sighed brokenly, the sound wet with his tears.

“I didn’t catch much, he just rambled and begged me to get him away. I think Derek paid the guy off to fix Harry up and to not involve the police despite the fact his injuries were obviously not from falling over,” Louis murmured back, his voice cracked and raw like he’d screamed so long and hard that he’d torn his throat to shreds.

“Shit,” Zayn whispered in response to Louis’ words. No wonder Harry had been so afraid. That guy had known the worst of what had happened to Harry, the times when Derek couldn’t just patch him up himself, and he’d just let it continue. It must have been torture, someone knowing how much you were suffering but never actually helping you, just making you well enough to be used again.

That was when Liam entered with two officers in uniform, looking guilty but determined.

“You need to give a statement, Louis,” Liam murmured and Louis stood with a sigh of exhaustion.

“I’m going to be honest with you, officers, I really, really don’t have the patience for a full fucking statement thing right now, okay? Ask me whatever questions you need now and I’ll answer the rest when he opens his eyes again,” Louis said bluntly and Zayn respected him for it, for staying strong despite all of this.

“Fair enough,” nodded the younger male officer, the older male smiled a little, probably at Louis’ big brass balls.

“You’re Mr Louis Tomlinson, correct?” the older officer asked and Louis nodded, “I am PC Shields and that is PC Kain. First question, what is your relationship with Harry Styles?” PC Shields asked and Louis’ shoulders sagged a little.

“It’s complicated, for the most part he’s an extremely close friend who stays with me when he can,” Louis said softly. Zayn could see that the officers understood what Louis wasn’t saying, and they clearly chose not to push him, which Zayn appreciated.

“This is a delicate question that we hate to have to ask but, in your opinion is there any need for a rape kit to be performed?” PC Kain asked and Zayn watched as Louis’ shoulders clenched.

“No. The . . . The last sex he had was consensual,” Louis’ voice was strangled and Zayn leaned forwards so that he could reach up and press a hand to the small of Louis’ back.

“How can you know that? His jobs don’t count as consent, Louis,” Liam said carefully and Zayn flinched at the realisation that he was the only one who knew the truth, although from the look on the officers’ faces they’d figured it out.

“Because it was with me, Li. We used protection, and he’d had a shower since his last job so you won’t find anything usable that way,” Louis said morosely, running a hand through his hair. Liam looked shocked but he didn’t comment.

“What do you know of his boss? Do you have a name or an address?” PC Shields asked and Louis hesitated.

“I promised I wouldn’t do this,” Louis whispered and Zayn saw he was staring directly at Liam.

“You know it’s for his own good, Louis,” Liam said softly but Louis shook his head.

“No. I can’t betray him too. He needs at least one fucking person who listens to what he wants. If any of you three cough up the name and address, then whatever, but don’t expect me to forgive you for it,” Louis said in a biting tone before storming away and back into the room Harry lay still and silent in.

Zayn sighed and rubbed a hand down his face before standing.

“You won’t get it from me. I’m sure as hell not going against him. And if you guys,” Zayn said, glancing at Niall and Liam, “If you wanna, then that’s your own business, but you know you’ll never forgive yourselves for it,” Zayn shrugged and Liam searched his face for a moment before nodding.

“I’m sorry for this, gentlemen, but would you be able to pause the investigation until Harry has regained consciousness and can consent towards what is given to you?” Liam asked formally and PC Kain nodded.

“We aren’t stupid, Payne. You asked us for a favour, we’re doing this your way. But . . . That kid is beaten worse than anything I’ve seen in a long time. You brought us into this, and we’ll do it your way, but at the end of the day I want the prick responsible behind bars,” PC Shields shrugged and Liam cracked a smile.

“Yeah, John, that’s fair,” Liam said softly and PC Shields- John- squeezed his shoulder before walking out with PC Kain in tow.

Niall walked over to Liam and hooked his chin over his shoulder from behind, wrapping his arms around Liam’s middle.

“Proud of you, Lili,” Niall murmured and watched the shaky smile on Liam’s lips, knew it was killing him not to storm in and save the day because that’s who Liam is. He’s the guy who only stopped being a police officer because it became too sad and it was destroying him bit by bit until Niall forced him to take a break. He’s made to save people, his big dumb heart made it impossible for him not to care, but in the force he saw more death than he ever did life and it just wore him down. He needed to simply save people, not see the gory aftermath of the times he didn’t know they needed saving.

“We all want to drag Harry out of that life, but you know we can’t. We can’t do a damn thing unless he agrees or we’ll be just as bad as the guys who took away his right to choose in the first place,” Zayn said quietly and Niall nodded.

“He’s just a kid,” Liam said shakily and Niall kissed his jaw in comfort.

“He’s seen worse things than any of us combined, I think he’s earned the right to make his own decisions,” Zayn replied firmly and Liam nodded reluctantly.

Zayn managed to talk Louis into coming with him to the cafeteria, his friend completely silent the entire time, but Zayn resolutely held a sandwich up to his lips until Louis had eaten at least half of it. He’s never seen Louis so completely out of it. Zayn could’ve never imagined how stricken Louis would be, but he had no idea, no concept of just how insane Louis was about to go. They walked down the corridor back to Harry’s room and Zayn was blissfully ignorant of what awaited them.

Liam and Niall were frantic, shouting at nurses and doctors and ordering them to search everywhere . . . Harry was gone, Liam told them, his brown eyes wide and panicked.

“What do you mean, he’s gone?” Louis asked in a voice so quiet that they had to strain to hear it. Liam looked terrified.

“Me and Niall went to the toilet and when we came back he just . . . wasn’t in the bed,” Liam said weakly swallowing hard.

“He was knocked out,” Zayn pointed out shrilly, not feeling calm in the least.

“The nurse said he shouldn’t have been able to walk away, she doesn’t know how he could have left!” Liam said hysterically.

“The heroin,” Louis said in an almost calm tone.

“What?” Liam asked in shock.

“Derek dosed him so he could work through the pain. Substance abuse. Higher level of tolerance for drugs. He woke up and left,” Louis said, his calm voice in strange fits and starts that made Zayn uncomfortable.

“Fuck,” Zayn muttered before he could stop himself, and it seemed like that was the final straw for Louis. He stormed across the room, picked up a stack of those plastic chairs you see everywhere, and threw them across the room. But before any of them could really register what had just happened Louis was gone, storming out of the room and down the corridor.

Just as Zayn was about to head after him a small hand caught on his arm, distracting him, and he turned to find a petite blonde girl close to his age looking up at him with big blue eyes.

“Hi, I’m sorry to intervene . . . I just think that maybe you should let him go after him? The kid looked pretty upset when he ran off. I tried to catch up with him but I’m really slow, um, yeah I’m sorry. You don’t have to listen to me, obviously,” the girl shrugged and Zayn found himself curiously endeared by her weird little rant.

“You’re probably right,” Zayn said carefully, realising that this was true. Zayn isn’t oblivious to how afraid of him Harry is. Louis would have an easier time calming Harry down without Zayn there to frighten the younger boy.

“I . . . Okay, well, good,” The girl smiled and Zayn felt his lips pulling up in response.

“I’m Zayn, by the way,” Zayn said and the girl blushed visibly which made something in Zayn’s chest clench.

“I’m Perrie, It’s nice to meet you. I do have to go back to my shift though,” Perrie said with a smile, motioning back out the door.

“I’ll catch up with you later then, hopefully?” Zayn said with a slight smirk, inwardly grinning at the way Perrie’s big blue eyes darted to his lips in response. The pretty blonde gave him a shaking smile and a nod before stumbling of the room with an awkward wave.

Zayn sighed as he sat down and his mind became a jumbled mix of worry for Harry and Louis, and curiosity about Perrie the nurse.

He should have stayed in London, Zayn thought with a weary sigh, waiting on the lumpy waiting room couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the unintentional hiatus of this fic, the updates should be more regular from now on apart from when I'm on holiday (June 21st- July 2nd) and I'll have no wifi :(
> 
> But please leave me a comment with any thoughts you have on the fic so far? Your feedback is really important to me.
> 
> xxxx


	12. Soft Spoken With The Broken Jaw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being such a crap updater :/  
> Hope you enjoy this chapter though :)
> 
> WARNING- this chapter has some violence and I just wanted to give you a heads up.  
> Chapter title is from Scar Tissue by Red Hot Chillie Peppers

HARRY’S POV

Harry had stumbled and tripped as far as he could in the right direction, and he was immensely grateful that the hospital wasn’t far from his Uncle Derek’s house.

He mostly fell through the front door when he managed to open it, landing in a panting heap on the scuffed, dirt-tracked carpet. He could hear the telly blaring in the living room and his uncle’s muttered expletive when he was forced to get up and investigate the loud noise Harry had made as he crashed through the door.

“What the fuck are you doing, Harry?” Derek snapped, not even waiting for an answer before he gave Harry a sharp kick in the ribs. Harry was just grateful his uncle was bare foot, his big work boots hurt a hell of a lot more. Although, it still hurt like a bitch when Derek decided to follow that up with a kick to Harry’s lower jaw that shot his head back and made him bite his own tongue so hard that blood immediately filled his mouth.

Harry managed to drag himself to his feet, fingers white knuckled on the bannister, every single muscle trembling so hard it hurt. He met his uncle’s furious, questioning gaze and did something he knew he’d pay for; he smirked and spat at him, the blood and spit making a mess of the front of his uncle’s white t-shirt. His uncle looked down at his top in silent shock for a few moments and Harry tensed for the pain to come, but deep down a voice said it was worth it.

When his uncle met his gaze with a thunderous expression, his eyes dark and promising agony, Harry gave him a bleary smile in response. When the first hit knocked him back into the wall hard enough to wind him, Harry looked up at his uncle and croaked, “Worth it.”

The next hit had him biting through his bottom lip to stop his scream.

 

LOUIS’ POV

Louis ran as fast as he could, every breath like ice water in his lungs, making his vision bleary. He felt like he was drowning, his head filled with images of Harry face down, his back still, no inflation from an indrawn breath, just . . . still; dead.

The only place he could think that Harry would go was his uncle’s, and when Louis got there and saw the door ajar, it felt like a hand had closed around his throat, his heart kicking in panic.

Louis took calming breaths, knowing that his gasping would be easily heard by anyone inside, and as silently as he could he slipped through the front door. The first thing he heard was the soft hum of a telly on low volume, and the heaving breaths of someone sobbing, someone who sounded an awful lot like Harry. Louis moved carefully, knowing better than to rush into this, until he could look around the door frame into the living room. What he saw sent icy drips of fear down his back.

Harry was stood at one end of the room, his body swaying and covered in blood. There didn’t seem to be one inch of him that wasn’t covered in bruises or lacerations, both old and new. At the other end of the room Derek stood facing Harry, face thunderous, hands out like you would if an animal was threatening to charge you. The only thing keeping Derek at the other end of the room was the gun held tight in Harry’s trembling fingers, aimed directly at Derek’s head.

Louis scuffed his foot against the floor, wanting to alert Harry of his presence but not to startle him and make him pull the trigger. Harry’s eyes flicked to him before widening in shock and fear.

Louis carefully moved into full view, taking one tentative step closer to Harry, but stopping when he noticed Harry’s body tensing in response.

“Harry, what are you doing with a gun?” Louis asked the gasping, crying boy in a gentle voice, trying to mask the tremor that belied his apparent calm.

“It’s his,” Harry spat, furious gaze locked on Derek’s face, his eyes alight with something manic that terrified Louis.

“Harry . . . Give me the gun, yeah?” Louis asked carefully, holding out one sweaty hand into the space between them. Harry’s lips screwed up.

“No. He deserves to die. He needs to. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t . . . He’s going to kill me if I let him live, Louis,” Harry cried, his voice raising in shrillness as he went along, and Louis felt his heart rate picking up.

“He doesn’t deserve to live, you’re right. But he also doesn’t deserve you giving up like this. He doesn’t deserve to have you kill him. You’re better than that, Harry. Don’t let him win,” Louis responded, his voice tinged with the desperation he was trying desperately to hide. Harry gave a bitter bark of a laugh.

“He already won. He was supposed to look after me, Louis! He was supposed to take care of me, to keep me warm and safe. The first few months after I came to live with him he was so attentive, so fucking caring. But he wasn’t raising me . . . he was rearing me, like a lamb for the slaughter. Fucking building me up so that he could use what I became. I was like some kind of livestock, fed and cared for until it was time to be cut up and served. I was a fucking child! How could you do that to me?!” Harry screamed at Derek and Louis had to swallow back his own tears. Derek’s face was a mask of anger and determination, his teeth clenched hard.

“Easily. It’s easy to ruin something when you couldn’t give a shit if it lives,” Derek sneered and Louis tensed as Harry’s fingers tightened around the gun, terrified it’d go off at any second.

“I’m your nephew!” Harry sobbed out in a broken shout, his voice cracked and failing.

“You’re a whore! Nothing more to it! That’s all you’re fucking good for, taking it up the arse!” Derek shouted back, voice cutting, and Louis watched as every word tore at Harry, feeling so helpless to stop this.

“I’m not,” Harry protested weakly on a heaving sob, but Louis heard it, and so did Derek, the poor boy was wavering, Derek’s words taking their tole.

“You’re a disgusting little slut. You think this boy loves you?” Derek asked, gesturing at Louis’ frozen form, “He pities you. He’s disgusted by you, like a flee-ridden, mangy animal he found in a skip. Misguided morality means he’ll call animal control, but that doesn’t mean he’ll help you heal and take you home with him,” Derek sneered and Louis felt anger welling in his stomach.

“No!” Harry cried out, one hand leaving the gun to grip at his stomach, as if he’d been made physically sick by the prospect of Derek’s words.

“Yes! You should be thanking me! I gave you a place to sleep, a roof over your head and provided for you!”

“You used me! You ruined me!” Harry sobbed, face red and tear-streaked and filled with so much agony that Louis couldn’t stop a few tears from escaping.

Louis took a fortifying breath and carefully eased closer to Harry, moving to stand so he was at Harry’s side, his chest brushing Harry’s arm with each exhalation, Harry was crying so hard that he allowed the move. Louis carefully brushed a hand up Harry’s back and Harry leaned into the gesture desperately, almost falling over in his hurry. Louis steadied him and moved so his mouth wasn’t far from Harry’s ear, his chin brushing the taller boy’s shoulder.

“You need to calm down, Harry. If you shoot him then he’ll win. You’ll go to prison for it. Maybe you’ll get a reduced sentence for unstable mental state, maybe reduced to man slaughter instead of murder, but you will go to prison regardless. It will ruin the rest of your life. Everything you’ve survived so far is something you can recover from. You can go to school, get a job, make friends. But if you go to jail for killing him then that will hang over your head. No one will want to hire you with a criminal record, Harry. Think about this. Please,” Louis begged, pressing a tear-soaked kiss to Harry’s shoulder.

“How can I? How could I ever be normal now? He’s ruined every little piece of me, made me into something I should have never been,” Harry’s voice was so small, so child-like and lost, and Louis pressed his lips to Harry’s shoulder to stifle his own sob.

“I’m going to be with you the whole time, baby. You’re not alone anymore, okay?” Louis said wetly. That was when he heard the sirens. Within moments police cars came to screeching halts outside the house. The officers were shouting orders to each other that Louis couldn’t make out, and moments later three officers came in the door, taking in the scene with intelligent eyes. If Louis was betting anything then these men were Liam’s old friends too. He owed Liam a lot if they made it out of this.

One officer moved closer to Derek as the other stepped closer to Louis and Harry.

“Harry? I’m Leon, a friend of Liam’s. I’m here to help, okay?” Leon said, his face calm and open, his brown eyes wide with honesty. Louis felt Harry waver but he didn’t lower the gun.

“Come on, Harry. This isn’t what you want to do. Please, Harry,” Louis pleaded and Harry tensed against him.

“You don’t know what I fucking want, Louis! Everyone needs to stop telling me what I want! I want him dead. I want him to rot!” Harry snapped and Louis forced himself not to take it personally.

“But you don’t want to be a monster, Harry! I know you enough to know that for certain! You’re beautiful, and sweet, and passionate . . . You could have anything you want in the world. Don’t let your hatred for that twat ruin that!” Louis felt like screaming, but he kept his voice as calm as he could, his hands clutching at Harry’s back and side.

“I just want him to go away,” Harry whimpered and Louis nodded sadly.

“Harry, he isn’t getting out of this, we have enough to charge him,” Leon said carefully and Harry finally looked at the officer, as if only really just realising that he was there.

“You . . . You do?” Harry’s voice was almost painful in the sheer about of hope in those few words. Leon simply nodded in response and Harry frowned, looking now at the gun in his hand.

As Harry lowered his hand, the gun no longer aiming for Derek’s vile face, and Derek took the opportunity. He lunged forwards, and Louis had no time to register the flash of silver in Derek’s hand before he threw himself in front of Harry, his palms up to smack against Derek’s chest. He registered the sharp pain belatedly, Harry’s shocked gasp came far faster that his own pained gasp, and he realised that Derek had gone to stab Harry and instead had slashed down the length of Louis’ forearm.

“Fuck!” Louis spat, stumbling back and attempting use his hand to stop the bleeding. Harry’s hands came around him, holding him tightly with shaking limbs as the officers subdued Derek. Louis felt Harry’s whole body shaking against his and gritted his teeth against the pain, “It’s okay, baby. It’s fine, I’m okay,” Louis ground out with false cheer.

“No! No, no, no, you’re not okay, Louis!” Harry almost whimpered and Louis turned in his arms to meet his gaze, ignoring the paramedic that was attempting to get him outside to the ambulance.

“I promise I’ll be okay, Harry. Just don’t leave my side, okay?” Louis couldn’t help it, couldn’t help being a little ridiculous; today had been filled with far too many close calls for Louis’ peace of mind. Harry nodded shakily, eyes wide, face red and tear-streaked. It looked strange, how the tears had scored tracks through the blood on his face, like stripes. “Tiger face,” Louis muttered with a giggle, making Harry frown in confusion and worry.

Maybe Louis had lost a little bit too much blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think so far :)  
> Also, just to give you fair warning, at some point there's probably going to be a jump in the timeline, not a huge one, just a few months, so don't be confused when that happens.  
> xxxx


	13. Baby Take Your Time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this has been a huge wait and I'm really sorry, blame university, my dissertation, and William Blake.  
> Thank you to every one who has messaged me both here and on tumblr, your support and encouragement has been incredible, I love you guys.  
> There is now a polish translation by clumsy-weirdo.tumblr and an awesome header by cheerfultown.tumblr .
> 
> Quick warning, I told you there would be a slight time jump and this is where it happens.  
> I hope you enjoy it! 
> 
> Chapter title is from 'Kiss Land' by The Weeknd.

[(credit for the header)](http://cheerfultown.tumblr.com/)     [(Polish Translation on Tumblr)](http://clumsy-weirdo.tumblr.com/post/93388916115/ybl)    [(Polish Translation on Ao3)](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3198443/chapters/6954956)

 

*2 MONTHS LATER*

 

HARRY’S POV

 

Louis had been quieter than usual for the past two days and honestly Harry was sick of it. Derek’s trial felt like hell to Harry, police officers made him repeat the things that had been done to him over and over again, and in the end there had been mountains of evidence to put him away for a long time. To be honest Harry doesn’t actually know the final sentence, he didn’t pay attention to a lot of the proceedings at all, he just wanted it to be over. Now that it was he wanted to live his life but Louis seemed subdued.

“Lou?” Harry asked from his place at the opposite end of the couch to the older boy.

“Yeah?” Louis sighed, glancing away from the tv for only a moment. Harry frowned; he didn’t like Louis ignoring him. He took a deep breath and told himself to get a grip before carefully crawling over to Louis and gently pressing himself into his side. Louis sighed before wrapping an arm around Harry and pulling him in closer until Harry was halfway onto the blue eyed boy’s lap.

“What’s wrong?” Harry murmured against Louis’ collarbone.

“I . . . I keep waiting for you to stand up and tell me you have to go to a job,” Louis replied hesitantly. Harry lifted his head from Louis’ chest so that he could meet his eyes. Louis looked back at him and his eyes were sad, his brow furrowed. Harry could see shadows under his eyes from lack of sleep.

“Me too,” Harry replied honestly and Louis looked comforted by that, by knowing he wasn’t alone in feeling out of depth with their new situation. Harry leaned forwards and pressed his lips softly to Louis’ and when the other boy didn’t protest Harry went to deepen the kiss, bringing a hand up to cup Louis’ face. But Louis pulled back, put his own hand over Harry’s and brought it down to his chest, holding it there.

“We can’t, baby,” Louis said softly, his voice apologetic and Harry frowned.

“Why not?” Harry asked, voice trembling slightly.

“Harry . . . You need to have your freedom again, become a person again, make friends and shit. You don’t need to be getting involved with someone right now,” Louis pointed out.

“We’re already involved,” Harry countered, feeling like Louis had taken the rug out from under him.

“You’re 17. You have time to make all the choices in the world, but getting in a relationship straight away would just fuck you over. You need some freedom, Harry. Freedom to meet people and have shitty first dates and stuff,” Louis said strongly, but his eyes were filled with something that Harry couldn’t explain. It felt like someone was squeezing his heart, because all of a sudden he was deadly sure he knew what was happening here.

“I . . . I always knew you wouldn’t want me when everything was over,” Harry choked out, tears beginning to fill his eyes, so he snatched his hands from Louis’ and stood up, ignoring Louis’ protests, and stormed out of the room. He ran down past Louis’ room and knocked insistently on Zayn’s.

Zayn opened the door looking mildly annoyed, a book in his hand, dressed in a t-shirt and sweatpants.

“Can I sleep in here tonight?” Harry asked nervously and Zayn hesitated before nodding, his eyes flickering to over Harry’s shoulder where Harry knew Louis probably stood. But Zayn still moved aside to let Harry in and closed the door behind him.

Harry moved to sit on Zayn’s computer chair, not comfortable enough to sit on his bed, and sighed heavily, swallowing back the lump in his throat and quickly scrubbing away his tears. He was so tired of crying.

“Normally, I’d stay out of it, but what happened?” Zayn asked, sitting down cross-legged on his bed and putting his book to the side.

“He’s telling me all of these reasons why we can’t be together, that I’m young and I should have freedom or some shit,” Harry said, more venom in his voice than Zayn had probably ever heard, which is why Harry wasn’t surprised when his eye brows nearly rose into his hair line. “He’s spouting all of this crap and it’s so fucking obvious that he's just thinking of ways to let me down easily now that I’m not in danger anymore. I fucking knew he wouldn’t want me anymore, I knew it, and still I let him tell me about how he loved me a little and how he thought I was beautiful and just . . . FUCK,” Harry spat finally, putting his head in his hands and breathing heavily.

“Harry, don’t you think he’s right though? You’ve finally gotten your life back. Don’t you want to be a normal teenager for once? Louis is 5 years older than you, he’s not your college boyfriend. He’s trying to do the right thing, Harry,” Zayn said the last part softly, his big brown eyes gentle and full of compassion.

“Zayn . . . I have been through hell. I have been through everything imaginable. I don’t want a boy I meet at a club who has no fucking idea what I’ve been though. How the hell would I even broach that subject? ‘Oh, by the way, I was raped for 5 years straight, so could you maybe cut me some slack?’, yeah that’d totally go down well,” Harry said with an eye roll, ignoring how Zayn winced at his choice of words. Harry had lived the brutal truth, the words couldn’t hurt him anymore.

“So is it just because he helped you? If he’d been someone else would you feel the same way?” Zayn asked, eyes wide and serious.

“I . . . I have never been as happy as I have been with Louis. He helped me, which is great, but it isn’t just that. He looked at me and saw something that I couldn’t find when I looked into the mirror. He looked at me like I meant something, and he told me that he could love me a little bit. He’s . . . Beautiful. He’s strong and kind and he knows me better than anyone else in the world, and he still wanted me. That shocked me more than anything. That he could see every dirty bit of me and still say that he wanted me. I know that you shouldn’t measure your self-worth by other people, but he honestly makes me feel like I could defeat anything with him by my side.

“You helped me and I don’t feel like this about you,” Harry finally pointed out, feeling hurt and vulnerable under Zayn’s assessing gaze.

“Is it just because you slept with him?” Zayn asked carefully, obviously a little uncomfortable but also wanting to help both Harry and Louis. Harry snorted.

“I’ve slept with a lot of people, Zayn. If I got attached to every person I fucked then I’d be in a bit of a predicament,” Harry said with a wry smile. “They weren’t all bad, you know. Some were pretty harmless. They just wanted easy sex, they weren’t there to hurt anybody,” Harry said softly with a shrug.

“I never got involved when you two got close. I didn’t try to stop it, because you both always seemed so absolutely miserable when you were apart, at least Louis was, anyway,” Zayn shrugged and Harry’s heart leapt against his ribs, “When you were together it was pretty easy to see how much you two meant to each other. I think you should give Louis some time. He thinks he’s doing what’s right for you by giving you your freedom,” Zayn said honestly and Harry gave him a little smile.

“If I really had that freedom then he’d accept my choice to stay with him,” Harry shrugged.

“Yeah, well, Louis never was all that smart,” Zayn said with a grin. Harry felt a genuine smile tug at his lips, a slight warmth in his chest.

“What was he like at my age?” Harry asked carefully, unsure whether he was crossing a line by asking.

“Insane,” Zayn said with a roll of his eyes. “He was always up to something, and he’d drag me into it, and we’d both end up getting a bollocking from our mums. He just wanted to have fun, all the time, he couldn’t deal with being sat still. We were pretty sure he had undiagnosed ADHD,” Zayn laughed.

“I kind of . . . I just wonder what life would have been like if my mum hadn’t died, you know?” Harry said hesitantly, feeling like he could take a wrong turn in this and break his own heart.

“Yeah . . . I can’t imagine losing my mum,” Zayn said softly.

“I didn’t even really process it, I guess. I was just so desperate to be normal. But my mum was gone and instead I had this uncle who barely talked to me. Uncle Derek made sure I had everything I wanted but he never really tried to connect with me, and I guess that kind of makes sense now,” Harry shrugged. “My sister would come by sometimes but it just kind of petered out. She’d stopped coming over by the time I was 13. Maybe she would have noticed, you know? But . . . That isn’t really fair. It wasn’t her job to look after me,” Harry said.

“Louis mentioned something about your sister,” Zayn said suddenly, as if only just remembering.

“What? About Gemma? When?” Harry asked with a frown.

“The police were trying to get in touch with her a think,” Zayn shrugged.

“Why would they do that?” Harry asked, his voice trembling slightly with nerves. He loved his sister but . . . He couldn’t imagine facing her after all of this.

“Harry . . . You’re under 18, she’s technically your legal guardian now, I guess,” Zayn said warily, probably sensing how panicked Harry was getting.

“But I don’t want to move away! I don’t want to leave!” Harry said breathlessly, it felt like no matter how much he breathed he couldn’t get enough oxygen. “Can’t I stay here?” Harry’s voice was desperate but he couldn’t mask how afraid he was of leaving everything and everyone he knew behind.

“Maybe it’d be good for you to be in a new place,” Zayn suggested softly, but Harry was already shaking his head.

“No. No way. No fucking way am I leaving,” Harry said as firmly as he could when his entire body was shaking.

Zayn looked torn and he hesitantly stood up from the bed and took a slow step towards Harry. Harry continued to gasp and shake as Zayn took small steps closer to him. When he was maybe 2 steps away he paused.

“Harry? Can . . . Is it okay if I give you a hug?” Zayn asked softly and Harry stood with tears in his eyes to face him, nodding before he could scare himself into refusing the comfort. Zayn carefully pulled Harry into his chest and Harry gratefully sobbed into his t-shirt, Zayn’s arms warm and solid around his shoulders.

Harry realised that this was only the second person who had hugged him in 5 years and cried even harder.

“You know that even if you had to move away me and Lou would come see you. I bet Niall and Liam would wanna come too. Niall’s determined that he’s going to fatten you up by taking you to all his favourite restaurants. And Liam’s too protective for his own good, it’d kill him not to check if you were doing okay. You’ve become a part of the group and that won’t change just because you’re in a different town. I’ll need someone to watch _Friends_ with,” Zayn grinned, his voice soft and earnest as his embrace never loosened. “And Louis would go crazy without you. He’ll act all high and mighty and say you’re better off without him but it’d kill him not to see you every day,” Zayn murmured and Harry’s tears finally stemmed. Harry pulled back and knew he must be a mess of big wet eyes and flushed cheeks but Zayn just looked at him fondly. “You really are stunning, kid. One day you’ll have the world on their knees,” Zayn grinned, making Harry blush and fight against a smile that was still a little watery.

“It’d be a nice change since it was usually me on mine,” Harry said wryly and Zayn’s eyes went wide as he choked and spluttered on a surprised laugh.

“Holy shit,” Zayn said with a breathless laugh, and Harry could swear that Zayn looked proud of him, even if he had no idea what he’d done to deserve it. “You’re honestly incredible,” Zayn grinned, his eyes kind, affectionate in a way that reminded Harry of Gemma when they were younger.

Sleeping in Zayn's room wasn’t as easy as it was in Louis’. It took quite a while for Harry to relax enough to be able to sleep, and he still felt guilty that Zayn was letting him have the bed and was himself sleeping on his little couch. In Louis’ room they’d shared the bed, but for obvious reasons that wasn’t an option for he and Zayn. Honestly Harry just missed Louis, despite the fact he’d seen him a few hours ago. He missed being curled up against Louis’ side, or wrapped around his back, or simply holding hands until they fell asleep.

Part of Harry was afraid that if Louis decided to stay firm on this then Harry would be completely lost without him.

***

LOUIS’ POV

 

Louis had gotten maybe 2 hours of crap sleep last night, his bed feeling suddenly far too large and cold, and he downed his first 2 cups of tea in the hope that they’d make him feel a little bit more human. But the second Harry came shuffling into the kitchen, in a thick knit grey jumper and black sweatpants, he felt every second of his sleepless night pressing down on his shoulders.

Who was he kidding? He hadn’t managed one night without Harry, how could he keep up a pretense of not loving him?

Harry spotted him by the counter and his drooping eyes and the dark shadows beneath them confirmed that Harry hadn’t gotten much sleep either, so Louis sighed and placed his tea on the counter before meeting Harry’s sleepy green eyes and opening his arms wide. Harry immediately walked close to be within them and Louis held him tight, pressing a soft kiss to Harry’s temple.

“I don’t want to fight with you,” Harry murmured into Louis’ chest, nuzzling at the skin on Louis’ collarbones where his gaping t-shirt revealed them.

“Me either,” Louis sighed, stroking a hand through Harry’s tangled hair. They were silent for a few easy moments, soaking up the comfort of the other's arms.

“Zayn said that you know something about my sister,” Harry said and Louis felt tension tighten his shoulders.

“The police have gotten in touch with her and they gave her my number. She wants to see you, Harry,” Louis said carefully, aware of how this might scare the younger boy.

“She’s going to be so disappointed in me,” Harry whispered and Louis scrunched his eyes shut for a moment, steeling himself against Harry’s pain, because Harry’s pain was the one thing that Louis couldn’t handle, hadn’t been able to handle since the start of this mess, after all it had been the reason that Louis hadn’t been able to turn a blind eye in the beginning.

“Harry, are you kidding me? She’s going to be so happy to see you, to know that you’re alive and okay.”

“I’m a mess. I look horrible. She’s going to be disgusted that I’m her brother,” Harry insisted.

“Baby, you’re finally doing better. You finished your antibiotics and kicked the infections, your bruises are gone and your cuts are healing. Your wrist is doing better now and the doctor said that your ribs are healing nicely along with the crack in your jaw. You’re finally starting to eat healthily and the doctor said that if you keep it up you’ll be able to regain body fat at a good rate. You’re looking so much better, Harry, and I’m so proud of you it’s ridiculous. In 2 months so much has changed and you’ve stayed calm and patient throughout all of it. You’re incredible, baby, and if she doesn’t see that then she’s a fool,” Louis said honestly, slowly rocking Harry’s thin frame from side to side.

“I wonder what she looks like now,” Harry murmured a few minutes later and Louis smiled a little.

“If she looks anything like you then in my opinion she’ll be a stunner,” Louis grinned and Harry pulled back to pout at him and slap his arm.

“Hey! No. You’re mine,” Harry said firmly and then blushed as what he’d said registered. Louis couldn’t help but laugh and lean forwards to kiss Harry with all the love that was a burning beacon in his chest. “I thought you weren’t allowed to kiss me anymore?” Harry whispered into Louis’ mouth.

“Couldn’t help it. I never can around you,” Louis sighed back honestly before kissing Harry once more, slowly, deeply, tongues sliding together and heartbeats racing.

Harry moved his arms, slipping them around Louis’ neck, pulling himself in even tighter to Louis’ body. The kiss was hot and languid and Louis had to pull back to gasp in a desperate breath, but Harry just moved to mouth at Louis neck, sucking and nibbling until he suddenly giggled against Louis’ damp skin. Louis raised an eyebrow and Harry looked up to meet his gaze with mirth dancing in his eyes.

“I gave you a love bite,” Harry said, his tone saying he was utterly pleased with himself. Louis rolled his eyes.

“Great. I’m going to be meeting your sister tomorrow for the first time with a giant fuck-bruise on my neck,” Louis sighed in exasperation.

“Fuck-bruise?” Harry asked with a laugh before the light suddenly drained from his eyes. “Tomorrow? You never said tomorrow!” Harry wailed. Louis winced and Harry pulled out of his arms to stand in front of him with his arms crossed over his chest. Louis had a moment to think that if Harry had a bit more meat to him he’d probably look quite intimidating.

“I was going to tell you . . . at some point,” Louis offered with a grimace.

“Where the hell are we meeting?” Harry snapped out and Louis scrubbed a hand over his face.

“Here,” Louis answered reluctantly. Harry fish-mouthed at him for a moment before growling and storming off. Louis followed him warily and had his own bedroom door slammed shut in his face. He sighed once more before opening it and walking in, shutting it firmly behind him.

“I can’t believe you wouldn’t tell me something like this sooner!” Harry snapped, pacing back and forth across the room.

“I knew you’d freak out! I was trying to minimise the amount of freak out time you had!” Louis insisted.

“I’m not a fucking child, Louis!” Harry snapped.

“Then maybe stop acting like one!” Louis shouted back and Harry froze before anger flooded his eyes and he stormed towards Louis. Louis swallowed and had the fleeting desire to run, but Harry was on him before he could react, hands on either side of Louis’ face, his lips on his, his tongue in his mouth. Harry kissed him in a way that shoved the cold hard truth down Louis’ throat; Harry had a shit ton more experience than he did, so who was he calling a child?

Louis put his hands on Harry’s shoulder and carefully but firmly pushed him back. They were silent for a few minutes other than their panting breaths, eyes locked and heated, a battle of wills that Louis wasn’t actually sure he was going to win.

Harry lunged forwards to lock their lips once more, biting down hard on Louis’ lower lip and making him gasp and moan, Harry’s hand went to the back of Louis’ head and he was helpless but to be tugged along when Harry started to move them backwards towards the bed. Harry fell down onto it, pulling Louis atop him, before suddenly reversing their positions so that he was on top and straddling Louis’ hips. Louis gripped Harry’s sides desperately, clutching at his t-shirt as the other boy began to move. Harry writhed atop him in a sinuous grind that had Louis choking on his moans. Their trousers were between them but it just seemed to make this seem even dirtier, the friction driving Louis mad. Harry ground their erections together, riding Louis’ hips like he was born for it, like the action was second nature.

It took every ounce of Louis’ control to flip them, to pin Harry’s hips still to the bed, to grasp Harry’s wrists and pin them above his head. He pulled back and Harry leaned up but couldn’t reach far enough to attach their lips again.

“Stop,” Louis said breathlessly, the bottom of his spine literally aching with the need to grind down onto Harry, every sense focused on the way Harry’s length pressed big and hard into Louis’ thigh, and how his own was pressed tight to Harry’s hip. Louis took deep steadying breaths, pinning Harry with a hard glare when the younger boy tried wiggling his hips, making Harry pout up at him with lust and frustration swimming in his big green eyes. “I’m not fucking you during an argument, Harry,” Louis said firmly, trying to ignore how breathless his voice still was.

“Why not?” Harry purred, looking up at him almost innocently, his eyes glassy, his pink cheeks and rosy lips obscene. Harry darted out his tongue to wet his lips and Louis couldn’t stop his groan. Sue him, he’s 22 and he’s had sex one fucking time since he’d met Harry, and that had been with Harry 2 months ago. Understandably a fucked out Harry underneath him was detrimental to his state of mind.

 _Because you’re worth more than that, because you’re still so hurt, because I never want you to see me as like the men who hurt you over and over_ , Louis thought but didn’t say.

“Because we need to talk about tomorrow, and because I don’t think I could face your sister tomorrow knowing I’d fucked her baby brother the day before,” Louis smirked and Harry smacked him on the arm. Louis leaned down to press a tender kiss to Harry’s forehead and Harry sighed like he was put out by this change from horny to sweet, but Louis caught the small smile he attempted to hide in Louis’ neck.

Yeah, he was so fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it, please comment any thoughts and opinions you have, i was a little nervous about uploading this chapter after such a huge gap.
> 
> So in the next chapter Gemma is making an appearance, let me know what you think about it :)
> 
> xxxxxxx


	14. What We Got Can't Leave This Room

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't updated in ages and I'm really sorry :/ This fic is quite involved to write for because I want to give it the attention it deserves with the sensitive subject matter, which subsequently means it takes me ages to know how to proceed with each chapter.  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this :) Gemma shows up finally.
> 
> Chapter title is from 'Nomads' by Ricky Hill feat The Weeknd.

LOUIS’ POV

 

Louis could see the undiluted panic in Harry’s eyes and it crushed him to not be able to help at all, but Harry needed to face his sister, needed to take this step even if he was dreading it. So in place of whisking him away and saving him from this meeting, Louis placed a gentle hand on Harry’s cheek, and held the younger boy when he crumbled against his chest seeking comfort.

“What if she hates me? What if she doesn’t want me? Where will I go? I’ll get sent to foster care or something. I’ll end up back where I fucking started,” Harry almost sobbed, but Harry had refused to shed a tear all morning. Louis could hear that strangled aspect to his tone, the tears and pain held hard and cruel in Harry’s throat where he refused to let them go.

“Harry, I swear on my life that you will never, ever end up there again. I’m not going to let that happen. Give Gemma a chance, she loves you. She sounded just as nervous as you when she called me,” Louis said soothingly, stroking his hand through Harry’s long hair. He probably needed to get it cut, but Louis felt a strange kind of pain at the thought of Harry cutting off his curls.

“You can’t leave the room, okay?” Harry said, his voice filled with desperation. Louis squeezed him tighter, pressing a gentle kiss to Harry’s temple.

“I won’t leave,” Louis promised, finally letting go and forcing Harry to meet his eyes. Harry’s green eyes were wide with anxiety, his brows drawn together, lips pressed so tight they were going white and bloodless. Louis cupped his face gently between his palms. “It’s going to be okay.”

“What if she wants me to come live with her straight away?” Harry asked, hands coming up to gently hold on to Louis’ wrists with trembling fingers.

“She won’t do that. You’re going to meet up with her a few times and then if you’re comfortable you’ll be going to live with her because you’re not legally an adult yet and there’s no point going through all of the channels to get you emancipated. Just give your sister a chance, Harry. Even if you go and live with her, I’ll still come and visit, you can still come and spend time here, it’s not all or nothing,” Louis explained calmly even if he felt a little nervous himself about meeting Gemma. After all, Harry’s sister may not be happy with the guy who had taken in her little brother and slept with him, who kissed Harry and held him close, when she would probably think Harry would be too traumatised for human contact.

Harry stayed in his arms until they heard the buzzer at the door to the flat, Liam having let Gemma into the club itself.

Harry held Louis’ hand as he went to open the door, hiding behind Louis’ shoulder, one hand fisted in the fabric at Louis’ lower back. Louis let in a girl not far from his own age who was very definitely related to the beautiful boy shaking against him.

They had the same features overall, Harry’s jaw just a little more broad, but the same shaped eyes and mouth. And when Gemma gave him a nervous smile it was scarily similar to ones he’d received from Harry.

“Hi, I’m Gemma,” the beautiful girl with soft, dark blonde hair said.

“Hey, come in. I’m Louis Tomlinson who you rang the other day,” Louis said with what he hoped was a reassuring smile. Gemma’s eyes flickered to Harry behind him every few seconds but Harry still hadn’t said a word, so Louis motioned for Gemma to come in, and shut the door behind her. Harry stuck to his back, following him and not releasing his hold on Louis’ hand or T-shirt.

Gemma carefully sat down on the oversized armchair, folding her hands in her lap.

“Would you like a cup of tea?” Louis asked into the silence.

“Um, yes please. Milk, 2 sugars, please,” Gemma said with a hesitant smile and Louis turned to Harry.

“Love, why don’t you go make the tea, yeah?” Louis suggested and Harry gave him a relieved look before almost running out of the room. Louis flexed the hand Harry had squeezed into painful numbness, moving to sit on the couch in the corner closest to Gemma. “I’m sorry he hasn’t said anything to you,” Louis offered and Gemma gave him a watery smile.

“He’s so tall now,” she whispered, a stark quality to her eyes that told Louis that even though they’d fallen out of touch, this woman still loved her little brother.

“He’s afraid you’re going to take him away. He doesn’t want to leave what he knows and trusts,” Louis said, feeling the need to give her a chance, to let her understand so that she might actually have a chance of reaching Harry. Maybe it was the big brother in him, the oldest sibling vibe he shared with her. He loved his little sisters. He couldn’t imagine what Gemma must be feeling about all of this. She deserved a little help.

“I wouldn’t do that to him,” Gemma protested fiercely, a heated spark suddenly brightening her gaze, and Louis felt heartened by it. “I don’t want to hurt him any more than he’s already been hurt. I just . . . I need to look after my baby brother, you know? I didn’t see him for years and I thought . . . I thought he was okay. I thought that Uncle Derek was looking after him. I can’t believe I never knew. I could have taken him away,” the pain in Gemma’s eyes was immense, and Louis had to swallow back against the tears that threatened to betray his own pain.

“He’s better now than he was a couple months ago,” Louis felt the need to say, to try and comfort this girl who looked just as lost as Harry had.

“What . . . What happened? I know all of the official shit but, just, you were there, right?” Gemma asked, eyes bright and filled with anguish.

“He’s healthier now, still malnourished but that takes time to correct. He’s still really thin but he’s managed to kick all the infections. His bruises and cuts have mostly gone now. He still has healing bones but the doctor says that they shouldn’t cause any problem as long as he’s careful,” Louis said, hedging, trying to focus on the positive.

“Louis? Please, just tell me the truth. I need to hear this,” Gemma insisted softly but firmly, keeping her voice low, obviously not wanting Harry to overhear.

“It’s not my place to say much beyond the fact that he was beaten and abused for years. Almost every day. He’d steal a few hours, sometimes a day, hiding here. But he always had to go back. I couldn’t . . . I couldn’t do anything, and I know you probably hate me for not helping him as soon as I knew, but there was no way to get him out without the risk being too high. And he wasn’t ready. . . He wasn’t ready to fight against what was happening to him. He wouldn’t let me call the police or take him to the hospital, and I swore I’d never take away his choice, his free will, so I had to respect his decisions no matter how much it killed me,” Louis said, voice tight and filled with pain, breaking and cracking randomly as he fought to keep a hold of his emotions. Because despite his rational explanation Louis felt like a failure. He’d failed Harry by letting his abuse continue, he’d failed Gemma by not saving Harry when she hadn’t been able to.

Gemma was quiet for a few moments and Louis could hear the ping of a metal spoon in a mug from the kitchen.

“You got him out. I can’t . . . I can’t explain how grateful I am that you got him out when I didn’t. I’m not going to pretend I approve of everything,” a perceptive look at the bruise on Louis’ neck that made Louis flush in guilt, “But you got him out. You got him safe and you’ve gotten him at least halfway healthy again, and I’m so fucking grateful,” Gemma finished, unshed tears making her eyes shine in the dull sunlight coming through the window.

Louis watched Gemma swallow those tears and wipe her face of emotion when Harry came shuffling back into the room with three mugs of tea. Harry set them on the coffee table, spilling a little with how hard his hands were shaking, but when he went to try and wipe it up Louis gently tugged him away and carefully pulled him to sit down on the couch, shuffling until Harry could sit between him and the arm of the chair, and therefore between him and Gemma.

Gemma slowly picked up her tea, giving Harry a soft smile that Harry couldn’t return yet.

“Thank you for the tea, Haz,” Gemma said softly and Harry’s head lifted for a moment, his eyes searching her face. Gemma seemed frozen, her mug halfway to her face, her eyes locked on Harry’s that were searching her.

“You stopped calling,” Harry said, no accusation within those whispered words, but Gemma’s face still crumbled. She put down her tea and took a deep, shaky breath.

“Yeah, I did,” Gemma finally responded, obviously fighting tears.

“I was 13 when he gave me my first job,” Harry offered and Louis knew it was his way of including her, of letting her understand, but Gemma had the heart of a big sister and let out a small sound of pain at what must be a horrific thing to learn about her baby brother, lifting a hand to press the back against her mouth, taking a moment to compose herself again. Once she’d calmed Harry spoke again. “I’m an adult. I don’t need you to make decisions for me,” Harry said firmly and Louis’ breath caught in his throat. But Gemma was already shaking her head.

“I don’t want to take away your freedom, Harry, I just want to be here for you,” Gemma said quietly, honestly. Harry seemed to evaluate her words, his face filled with suspicion, but it seemed like he decided to give her a chance, because his body relaxed a little and his face calmed.

Harry relaxed into Louis’ side, wiggling until Louis reluctantly lifted an arm to wrap around his shoulder, feeling wary of upsetting Harry’s sister. Gemma scanned the contact but made no comment thankfully.

“Are you still with that guy you were living with?” Harry asked from under Louis’ arm.

“No, definitely not,” Gemma said with a wry smile and Louis had to bite back a reciprocating smile. “I live with a man called Jacob, now. We’re engaged,” she offered the information with a smile and Louis’ heart tightened in painful happiness when Harry gave her a small smile back.

“Can I come to the wedding?” Harry asked softly, eyes wary but hopeful, and that seemed to break Gemma’s strength, because she suddenly dropped her head into her hands and let out heart-wrenching sobs. Louis’ heart tightened but he knew he had no place to offer comfort.

Louis kept his silence when Harry slowly, nervously moved from the couch to kneel in front of his sister. He carefully took her hands and pulled them away from her face, forcing her to meet his eyes, and she let out another sob before throwing her arms around his neck and yanking him in for a hug.

Harry’s face broke out in panic at the sudden movement, his breathing getting quicker, and Louis reached out a hand in silence. Harry carefully tugged himself out of Gemma’s arms, his movements jerky and uncoordinated with fear, panic a wild, skittering creature in his eyes, and wound himself into Louis’ embrace. Harry’s body lay trembling against him as he fought not to reveal the level of his panic to his older sister, and Gemma watched with a tear-streaked expression filled with a piercing kind of intelligence that said she understood what had just happened.

“Sudden movements are . . . difficult,” Louis offered carefully and Gemma nodded. Harry kept his face hidden in Louis’ neck until he’d regained his composure, Gemma watching him the whole time, her gaze avid with a desperate need to understand and help.

“I’m going to come back the day after tomorrow, if that’s okay?” Gemma asked, her eyes filled with longing as they watched Harry gather the pieces of himself again.

“You’re always welcome here,” Louis said softly and Gemma gave him a thankful smile.

Gemma stood and collected her bag, obviously not wanting to push things so early into reuniting with her brother.

“I’m gonna go, Harry. I just . . . I love you, okay?” Gemma murmured, her face filled with vulnerability and Harry could only offer her a jerky nod in response, unable to meet her eyes, but Gemma still looked appeased, as if she understood that this was the most Harry could offer in the state he was in. Gemma showed herself out with a farewell wave to Louis, closing the door behind herself, and he and Harry were silent for a long time.

“I should have said that I love her too,” Harry whispered into the silence.

“She knows, Harry,” Louis reassured, stroking a hand through Harry’s hair.

 

HARRY’S POV

 

His sister’s tear-streaked face just wouldn’t leave Harry alone for the rest of the day, when the sky began to darken Harry was a conflicted mess of emotions, and when Louis headed off to shower it took Harry five minutes to finally decide “fuck it”.

He slipped into Louis’ room and closed the door as quietly as possible, wincing a little at the ‘click’ of the latch, but he could hear Louis singing loudly enough to disguise the sound. Harry carefully stripped naked, leaving his clothes in a pile on the floor by the bathroom door. The door was ajar already so Harry carefully slipped through the gap. He could only just see the outline of Louis’ body behind the frosted glass door, but what he could see still managed to make Harry’s breath catch in his throat, his stomach clench in heated want.

Harry tugged open the door as quietly as possible and Louis didn’t notice at first, his eyes closed as he rubbed shampoo into his hair, but Harry saw the moment Louis felt the slight draft of colder air, because his nose crinkled adorably and he squinted open one eye. When he saw Harry leaning against the open door jamb of the shower stall both of his eyes popped open fully and he swallowed visibly.

When Louis stayed silent, hands frozen in his hair, gorgeous body stretched tall and bare to the water that caressed every dip and curve, Harry slowly stepped into the shower and closed the glass door behind him. Harry locked his eyes on Louis’, letting the older boy see how much he wanted him, and crowded into his space.

Louis seemed to shake himself of his shock and stepped back to put his hair under the direct spray, calmly closing his eyes and washing out the shampoo. Harry looked at the taught stretch of his neck, bared by the way he’d hung his head back, and took it as an invitation. He stepped forwards, touching his hands softly to the wet skin of Louis’ abs, and leaned his head down to press slow, sucking kisses to Louis’ neck. He caught the sound of Louis letting out a shuddering breath, but the older boy didn’t interrupt him, carried on washing the suds from his hair.

Louis took a small step forwards and lifted his head from the spray, smoothing his soaked hair back from his face, but some water sluiced down his face and jaw, so Harry darted forwards and licked up the drip, taking a nip of Louis’ jaw with his teeth whilst he was there.

Louis’ hands moved to squeeze Harry’s hips before sliding up and around, gliding up his wide back to bury themselves in Harry’s dampening hair. Louis gripped his hair in both hands and tugged back, removing Harry’s mouth from his neck. Harry let himself be moved, mouth open and sucking in desperate breaths and Louis moved in to bite his lower lip sharply, licking over the small hurt when Harry whimpered.

“You shouldn’t be in here, Harry,” Louis whispered against Harry’s mouth, one hand leaving Harry’s hair to slide around to span Harry’s collarbones, like he wanted to wrap that hand around Harry’s neck but didn’t want to cross any lines. Harry lifted a hand and took hold of Louis’, sliding it up and cupping it around the front of his neck, silent permission. In response to this show of trust Louis leaned down to press a soft kiss to Harry’s hand that cupped his own.

“You want me,” Harry whispered back, sliding a hand boldly from Louis’ abs down to wrap around his hardening dick, stroking slowly, teasingly.

“So sure of yourself?” Louis murmured wickedly, grazing his teeth over Harry’s jaw, his voice filled with the kind of teasing that promised hours of being kept on the edge. Harry shuddered at the thought. Harry shook his head with a stuttered gasp.

“Sure of you,” Harry whispered and Louis’ mouth froze on his skin. Harry waited patiently and was rewarded when Louis tugged him into a fierce, passionate kiss that begged for nothing, took everything. Harry gave it all freely, relishing in the breaking of Louis’ control as the older man moved, pressing their wet bodies closer together. Louis knocked Harry’s hand away from his erection so that he could firmly push their hips together, they groaned into each other’s mouths as their groins pressed together and provided them with delicious friction.

Louis moved to kiss down Harry’s neck, further down to his collarbones and chest, and before Harry could realise his intentions, Louis dropped to his knees. Louis kissed and nibbled at the sensitive skin of Harry’s inner thigh, making Harry tremble and slump back against the shower wall, his back arching to minimise the amount of skin touching the cold porcelain. When Louis took him into his mouth, Harry whimpered and thrust his hands into Louis’ hair, holding on for at least the pretense of control. Louis moved to hook Harry’s leg over his shoulder, opening him up for him as he cupped the soft curves of Harry’s arse, one hand sliding to stroke a careful finger over Harry’s entrance as he took Harry’s cock deeper into his mouth.

Harry’s body shuddered at the overload of sensation, still so unused to someone caring about his pleasure, feeling sensual and hedonistic as he looked down the length of his body to where Louis’ lips were stretched around his cock. Harry slid a hand down to cup Louis’ jaw, touching his fingertips to the hollow of his cheek, able to feel his own thick length below his skin. Louis looked up at him as he carefully slid lower, swallowing expertly around the head of Harry’s dick. When he suddenly hummed in his throat, sending vibrations down Harry’s cock, Harry’s breath whooshed out of him and he came with a choked yell. He spilled into Louis’ mouth and Louis swallowed around him until Harry’s shudders came from oversensitivity instead of the throws of orgasm. Louis pulled off slowly, licking around his mouth, pressing his lips together over and over, and Harry knew from experience his lips were probably a bit numb and fuzzy feeling.

Harry panted against the shower wall, eyes heavy-lidded, and Louis stood with a wince, rubbing his knees. He pressed close to Harry and pressed gentle kisses to his cheek and jaw that Harry nuzzled into. But when Harry slid his hand down Louis’ torso, heading to where Louis’ cock stood hard and leaking, Louis caught his hand and brought it up to kiss his palm, shaking his head with a soft expression when Harry shot him a questioning look.

“Go get ready for bed,” Louis murmured, voice thick and a little cracked, but filled to the brim with something Harry thought might be affection. Harry frowned but let Louis maneuver him out of the shower.

“What about you?” Harry asked, glancing at Louis’ erection with a raised brow. Louis gave him a wry smile.

“I’ll be fine, baby. Just give me a second and I’ll join you,” Louis said with a nod before stepping back under the spray from the shower head. Before Harry turned away he caught Louis flip the temperature dial to cold and wince as the ice-cold water hit his cock. Something in the action, in the sentiment, made Harry soften, made his heart clench with an affection that was wild and bright in his blood stream.

Harry pulled on a pair of Louis’ tartan pyjama bottoms, and pulled out a grey pair for Louis, putting them on one side of the bed as he slid under the sheets of the opposite side.

Louis came out a few minutes later in only a towel and Harry felt young and playful in a way he hadn’t for many years, letting out an appreciative wolf-whistle that made a smile crease Louis’ bright blue eyes as he dropped his towel and tugged on the trousers. When Louis slid into the bed Harry immediately crowded up against him, pressing their bare chests together and sighing in contentment when Louis wrapped his arms around him and held him tight, pressing a gentle kiss to Harry’s hair that Harry returned over Louis’ heart.

“I might love you a little bit,” Harry whispered against Louis’ bare chest and Louis’ arms clenched around him for a moment before relaxing with Louis’ heavy sigh.

“I might love you a little bit too, darling.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you thought, this was supposed to be something quite nice before the real struggles of recovery start.


	15. I Watched You Burn Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been a ridiculously long time since I updated this fic and I'm seriously very sorry. University and family drama has been very time consuming as of late.  
> We have the lovely Kamila Clumsy-weirdo to thank for this, she's been a lovely support for getting me to update and for inspiring some of the smut aha. Go show her love over on tumblr because she deserves it <3
> 
> Chapter title is from 'Perfect Ruin' by Kwabs because it made me cry and made me want to write this update.
> 
> Thank you for being so sweet and patient with me and this fic, you've all been so great. I just hope you like this chapter xx

LOUIS’ POV

 

After the fourth time Gemma came around to his to spend time with Harry, Harry gave her a hug goodbye. Louis saw the way Harry’s sister tried to hide her tears, saw the way she left with a watery smile on her lips. It was a step in the right direction, as was Harry meeting the student councillor at a local college.

The college were prepared to work with Harry’s abysmal GCSE scores, they understand the basics of Harry’s history and had been very sympathetic towards him. They’d met up with Harry and Louis five times now, talking about Harry’s options and trying to work out what would make him the most comfortable. Harry had decided he wanted most things to be as they were for regular students, and it’d tightened something in Louis’ chest to hear the note of longing in Harry’s voice when he talked about being a ‘normal’ student.

Harry was currently on his way for his first trial day in a classroom. His councillor would walk him to the class and he’d attend an hour long session with the other students, free to leave if he became uncomfortable.

Louis didn’t want to admit how worried he felt. Harry had been shaking with nerves when he left that morning, but there had been a tentative smile on his lips. Louis would protect that spark of hope in Harry’s eyes with his every breath and it terrified him that he wasn’t there to look after the younger boy. Harry was probably the most important person in the world to him and it was a scary thought that what he loved most was out in the world vulnerable and alone.

 

HARRY’S POV

 

He sat in the corner of the classroom, hiding his shaking hands under the desk as other students filed into the room and took their seats. It was a psychology class and it seemed to be made up of mostly female students, four girls for every one guy. Harry was frustratingly happy about that.

He kept his head down to avoid attracting attention and waited for the teacher to start talking. When the teacher announced that they’d be working in pairs to do the worksheet, Harry panicked for a moment until a boy with ginger hair turned to face him with a wide smile and kind blue eyes.

“Hey, I’m Ed,” the ginger boy said, holding out a hand. Harry looked at his hand and felt panic rise up within him once again. “Not a hand shaker? That’s cool, man,” the boy said kindly, lowering his hand.

“I-I’m sorry. I have a . . . thing . . . physical contact,” Harry stuttered awkwardly but the boy didn’t laugh, instead he smiled and nodded like he understood. Harry took a deep breath. “I’m Harry.”

“Hi, Harry,” Ed smiled. Harry tentatively smiled back.

 

LOUIS’ POV

 

When Louis came home later that night, he paused at the door to his flat, frowning at the music he could hear thumping from within. He opened the door cautiously and felt the shock on his own face when he saw what was happening in his living room.

Harry stood in the centre of the room, body pale and bare apart from a small pair of grey boxers that fit him like a second skin, a half empty bottle of vodka in one hand. He wasn’t so much stood as he was dancing clumsily by himself, eyes closed, his parted pink lips a shocking contrast to his almost translucent skin. He looked breakable. Louis slowly shut and locked the door behind him before moving a little closer, wary of frightening the younger boy.

Louis looked closer, eyes catching on the bones that continued to protrude from Harry’s skin, delicate but sharp, as if they’d split his skin if he moved too quickly. He still hadn’t managed to put on much weight. He was also shining in the light of the lamp and the telly, his body sweaty, his fringe sticking to his damp forehead, one curl desperately clinging to the harsh line of his jaw.

Louis watched as Harry undulated his body to the beat of something slow and sultry, one hand lifting the bottle to his lips, the other sliding up his chest to wrap around his own neck and squeeze. The action broke something inside of Louis’ chest.

“Harry?” Louis called softly, just loud enough to climb above the beat of the song blaring from the telly. Harry’s eyes opened almost sleepily and a lazy smile pulled his lips wide; a messy smile that matched his bleary gaze and he stumbled over to Louis eagerly, tripping at the last moment. Louis moved quick and caught him, let him lean against him for support. He was getting taller, he was at least a few inches taller than Louis now.

“Harry? What are you doing, baby?” Louis asked carefully, gently pulling the vodka bottle from Harry’s loose fingers, but the younger boy barely noticed, using his two free hands to frame Louis’ face, leaning in to press his forehead to Louis’. Louis held still, searched Harry’s wide, glassy eyes for some kind of explanation.

“I’m so messed up,” Harry said with a wide, sloppy smile and Louis swallowed his sadness down, forced himself to remain strong.

“No you aren’t, baby. No, you aren’t,” Louis murmured, putting the vodka on the side table and raising both hands to stroke the sides of Harry’s neck.

“I miss it,” Harry whispered, shame a harsh stain on his cheeks, the threat of tears shimmering in his eyes, mocking Louis, mocking his inability to make Harry happy.

“What do you miss?” Louis forced himself to ask.

“I . . . I’m so . . . Lost. I miss . . . I miss being drugged and fucked. I want it back . . . I want to understand . . .” Harry slurred and Louis could hear his struggle to frame each word, could feel his self-hatred that he thought this way but . . . Louis understood.

“Baby . . . It’s okay. That isn’t bad. It’s not bad to want to feel like you have some control, to have something familiar, when everything in your life has been thrown up into the air. You just have to come to terms with the fact that you’re better off now, that life is going to get better, and you’re going to be a part of it. You aren’t alone in this, baby, I’m here for you,” Louis murmured, leaning in the kiss Harry’s forehead and feeling the younger boy take the opportunity to curl down and under his chin, clinging to him desperately.

“Why won’t you touch me anymore?” Harry asked, his voice a pained whine, lips moving against the skin of Louis’ neck. Louis stroked his hands up and down Harry’s back in answer and he could feel Harry’s watery smile against his neck. “Not like that . . . Why won’t you kiss me? Why don’t you want me that way?” Harry asked and Louis sighed. Harry was drunk but Louis knew this had probably been playing on the boy’s mind for a while.

“Because I can’t be your crutch. You need to heal, Harry. You need to become your own person again, not get involved with someone else and lose yourself to them. It’s not healthy for you . . . Or for me. I still want you like that, Harry, how could I not? You’re beautiful, and kind, and so, so brave. But you’re still hurt. I’m going to help you get better, and when you’re better we can both decide whether or not we want a relationship. But until then you’re going to spend time with your sister and I’m just going to be your friend,” Louis answered, seeing no point in lying or beating about the bush, Harry needed honesty right now.

“I still love you a little,” Harry whispered and Louis could hear the tears that he could feel dampening his neck.

“I still love you a little too, baby. That isn’t going to change, no matter what,” Louis murmured, kissing Harry’s sweat-damp temple, tasting salt on his lips.

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

 

***

 

Louis found it harder and harder to keep some kind of distance between him and Harry. Every move Harry made, every slight action from brushing his hair back from his face to licking spilled tea from his fingertips, had Louis utterly enraptured. He couldn’t look away and from Zayn’s knowing glances he wasn’t being all that subtle in his adoration. It made it worse that every time Harry caught him looking he’d send him these knowing little looks. He’d smirk and look back from under his lashes and sometimes Louis has to literally run from the room followed by the soft sound of Harry’s laughter.

The thing was, Harry was gaining confidence. Each day he went to college and came home with a wider smile than the last day. To Louis’ knowledge Harry hadn’t had a drink since that night he’d found him alone and broken, and Louis was desperately glad about that.

He’d made friends, tentatively trusting others and lowering his guards at least a little. And they loved him. People were innately drawn to Louis’ beautiful boy. And Louis couldn’t blame them. Harry shone. When he smiled he lit up the whole room, and when he laughed it was infectious. He was becoming more and more himself and the process was utterly beautiful to Louis. What made it all the more beautiful was that Harry slept in his bed every single night. He’d come to bed dressed in Louis’ pyjamas, clamber under the covers, and cuddle close to whisper about his day against Louis’ collarbone. Louis would thread his fingers through Harry’s soft hair and press his smile there as he listened to Harry’s inane little stories about his classes and his friends. Part of him felt a deep longing to be a part of that side of Harry’s life, but he knew he needed to stay away, needed to let Harry become his own person on his own. Louis was a safety net to Harry. Louis was his comfort blanket and he needed to learn how to function without that reassurance. That didn’t mean Louis wasn’t allowed to soak up every tiny detail Harry decided to share with him though.

But there was one thing that haunted him, a nagging little loose end that kept him from being completely at ease. Harry was hiding something.

He’d pause in his stories, rethink how he was saying something, as if he’d been about to say something he shouldn’t. And the most obvious of all, when Louis had questioned Harry about his breakdown after that first day of class, Harry had dodged the question. Harry’s student helper told Louis that the class had gone well and Harry made friends with a guy named Ed quickly, she couldn’t think of anything that could have set Harry off. It had been playing on Louis’ mind for nearly two weeks now.

That night Louis waited in his bedroom for Harry to come home from college. He heard the front door of the club swing open and bang shut. After moments of silence as Harry crossed the empty dance floor and headed up the stairs, Louis heard the front door to his flat bang open, the door hitting the side table like it always did because Harry always forgot to catch it before it swings too far. He heard the thump of Harry’s shoes and back pack hitting the floor, and the sound of Harry clattering around in the kitchen, but Louis stayed where he was. Usually he’d be up and giving Harry a cuddle, letting the younger boy tuck under his chin despite the fact he’d grown taller than Louis.

Louis had had enough of Harry’s silence, of feeling shut out.

Harry walked into his room humming under his breath, but when he looked up and saw Louis, the soft sound cut off abruptly.

“I think we need to talk,” Louis said, arms crossed over his bare chest, feet apart like he was preparing for a fight. Thing is, he needed to stay firm in this because Harry knew exactly how to get Louis to do what he wanted, but they needed this to happen, they needed this honesty between them no matter how much Harry was going to try and avoid it.

“Well that sounds unpleasant,” Harry said dryly, moving over to Louis’ wardrobe to undress. He stripped down to his boxers and reached for a pair of Louis’ pyjama trousers.

“You’re keeping something from me,” Louis said, ad Harry’s hand stilled. He dropped the pyjama bottoms he’d been reaching for and turned to face Louis properly, brows drawn together, eyes inscrutable as he raised his guard.

“No, I’m not,” Harry murmured, face a mask of emotionlessness.

“Harry, if you don’t tell me the truth, how the fuck am I supposed to help you? How am I supposed to be here for you if I don’t know what the fuck is going on?” Louis demanded, breathing heavily from the effort of keeping himself calm, keeping his voice low. He couldn’t handle Harry keeping secrets from him, they’d been through far too much for that.

They stood across from one another and Harry looked at him like he was trying to work out if Louis could handle it. He nodded to himself and moved to lay on Louis’ bed. When he patted the sheet beside him Louis sighed and went to lay beside him.

“Harry, baby, please,” Louis murmured, as they both lay on their back, heads turned to face one another, their bodies separated by an inch of duvet.

“There’s a boy. He’s in my class at college. I know him,” Harry whispered. Louis frowned, confused.

“Okay?” Louis said, waiting for more.

“I know him because I once fucked him and his best friend in the back of his dad’s Range Rover. Well, he fucked me, but you get the point,” Harry said, looking at Louis’ collarbones instead of meeting his gaze.

“What did he say to you?” Louis asked through clenched teeth, hands fisting in the duvet with how much he hated this faceless boy for hurting Harry when he was finally doing better.

“He didn’t say anything,” Harry murmured.

“Then . . . Why?” Louis murmured back, confusion taking over from the anger.

“He smiled,” Harry said, finally looking up to meet Louis’ eyes. “He looked at me and I could see it in his eyes. I could see that he remembered every detail of that night. His eyes trailed over my body and there was nothing I could do,” Harry murmured.

“I’ll call the college, I’ll complain and get him or you moved to a new class,” Louis said but Harry just shook his head, giving him a small, sad smile.

“There will always be men I pass that have been with me that way. There will be men who see me as nothing but a cheap fuck. I can’t run away every time. It’s just hard realising that I’m not a person to them, I’m just a prostitute,” Harry whispered and it broke Louis’ heart.

It was like telling the truth had damaged the confidence he’d had that Louis cared for him, had distanced him from those emotions, because he looked over at Louis like he was a stranger.

“That’s all I am. I’m a great fuck,” Harry murmured, sitting up to look down on Louis. Louis stayed silent, waiting to see where Harry was going with this. His beautiful boy was hurt and he needed to let that out before it tore him up inside.

Harry lifted a hand and stroked his fingers down Louis’ chest, Louis kept his hands by his sides, eyes on Harry’s face. Harry’s fingers played in the trail of hair that headed inside Louis’ pyjama trousers and Louis’ abdomen instinctively clenched under his touch. Harry smiled humourlessly at his body’s response to his touch.

“Do you think I’m beautiful?” Harry asked with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes, moving to straddle Louis’ hips. Louis stayed reclined against the pillows, only lifting his hands to cup the soft curve of Harry’s hips.

“I think you’re the most beautiful human being I’ve ever seen. I think you’re young and full of hurt and the most perfect person I’ve ever met. I don’t know what I’d do if I never got to look into your eyes again,” Louis murmured, keeping eye contact with Harry, so he saw the moment they shone and leaked a single tear down his pale cheek. Louis reached up to brush away the tear and Harry turned his face into the touch, eyes fluttering closed.

“Why are you doing this to me?” Harry whispered, voice thick with unshed tears.

Louis looked at the boy in front of him. Trailed his eyes over every dip and curve of his pale body, eyed the way the black boxers sat low on his hips, a tear by the waistband. He looked at the long line of his slender neck. The sharp corner of his jaw. The span of his lashes over his flushed cheeks. The fall of deep brown curls over his forehead. He was so unutterably beautiful it caused a flash of pain and longing in Louis’ chest.

“Because I love you. And not just a little bit, there’s no half way about it. I love you until I can’t breathe because of it,” Louis whispered, feeling dizzy and breathless despite his reclined state. Harry’s eyes opened slowly, like shock had stunned him into sluggishness.

Harry’s beautiful green eyes finally met his and Louis’ breath stuttered from his lungs. When Harry’s hand came up to cup his cheek Louis jumped like he’d been shocked with a live-wire. Harry brought his other hand up to cup the other side of Louis’ face, holding him softly as he leaned down to press his forehead against Louis’.

“I want you more than anything I’ve ever wanted in my life. I need you more than I’ve ever needed anything or anyone else … I love you with every broken piece of me,” Harry whispered, breath brushing Louis’ lips. Louis felt the wet touch of Harry’s tears as they fell onto his own face, but ignored them in favour of leaning up to press his lips to Harry’s.

They kissed like they never had before, like they had all the time in the world. Like for the first time they were finally safe and together.

“Don’t ever leave me,” Harry pleaded against his lips. Louis smiled softly into the kiss.

“Baby, you won’t get rid of me that easily.”

“Fuck, I love you so much,” Harry gasped out, voice filled with a desperate need that he poured into their kiss until they were writhing against one another. Louis tugged Harry’s boxers down his hips until the younger boy kicked his legs to get them all the way off. Gentle but frantic fingers came up to tug off Louis’ pyjama bottoms and Louis huffed out a breathless laugh, lifting his hips to help Harry tug the material down.

Harry’s fingers wrapped around Louis’ erection and he couldn’t help the moan he poured into the younger boy’s mouth, but he quickly removed Harry’s hand from his length and reversed their positions. He ignored Harry’s questioning look and gathered both of the younger boy’s wrists in one hand, using his grip to bring them up and over Harry’s head. He used one hand to pin Harry’s hands there, his other coming up to cup the side of his face, his thumb stroking over Harry’s full lower lip. Louis moved so his hips were cradled between Harry’s thighs and the younger boy gasped as their hard cocks came into contact. He tried to writhe against Louis’ body but there was only so much he could do with his wrists pinned above his head.

“Lou,” Harry whined into Louis’ mouth and Louis couldn’t help the pleased smirk that pulled at his lips. Harry nipped his bottom lip in reprimand and Louis cocked an eyebrow at him in response that made Harry giggle breathlessly, hips still writhing against Louis’.

“Baby?” Louis murmured questioningly against Harry’s lips, his free hand stroking down Harry’s body to grip his erection, making the younger boy gasp into his mouth.

“Yeah?” Harry panted into his mouth, body squirming restlessly against his.

“How do you feel about restraints?” Louis asked softly, pulling back so that he can clearly see Harry’s expression. Louis searches Harry’s eyes but finds no hint of fear in them, much to his relief.

“Like, what kind of restraints?” Harry murmured, lashes fluttering and his cheeks flushing a little more, and Louis smirked at the arousal shining from his boy’s eyes.

Louis leaned down to press his lips to the edge of Harry’s ear, his tongue flicking out to tease, enjoying the sharp sound of Harry’s pleased gasp.

“I want to tie your hands to my headboard. I want you spread out for me. For my mouth,” Louis murmured into Harry’s ear, feeling the way Harry shuddered against him and slowly pressing his hips down to give Harry a taste of the friction he’s so desperate for. Harry muffled his whimper against Louis’ shoulder and it made the older man smile and nip at Harry’s earlobe with his teeth. “Can I do that, baby? Can I tie you to my bed and kiss all over your body? I want to taste you so bad, Harry. I want my mouth on your pretty little hole,” Louis whispered and Harry didn’t bother trying to muffle his moan as he nodded franticly.

“Please. Please, Louis, yes. Yes,” Harry stuttered breathlessly and Louis pressed a kiss to his temple before pulling back. He sat back on his haunches but Harry stayed exactly where he was, hands still above his head despite the fact Louis had let go of his wrists, legs spread around Louis’ kneeling form.

“Good boy,” Louis said with a soft smirk, but he knew his eyes shone with love and affection, and Harry blushed under the praise, his kiss-swollen lips tugging into a wide smile.

Louis climbed from the bed and walked unashamedly naked over to his wardrobe. He pulled open the left door and pulled out one of his ties he kept for business meetings. He wrapped the dark blue fabric around one of his hands and turned back to Harry. Harry’s eyes hungrily scanned Louis’ body before settling on the tie, and Louis watched as Harry bit down on his lower lip at the sight.

Louis knelt on the bed and moved to settle between Harry’s thighs once again. He was so incredibly beautiful like this, long, lean body all stretched out and pliant.

Louis leaned down to press a gentle kiss to Harry’s mouth, the younger boy kissing back eagerly, and he used the tie to trap Harry’s wrists against the wrought iron of his bed frame all without breaking their kiss. He pulled back from the kiss once Harry was secure, leaning over him with his hands on either side of his shoulders, and watched as Harry curiously tugged at the restraint. Harry flushed when he found that his wrists were tied tight enough that he couldn’t move but not so tight as to cut off circulation or be uncomfortable.

“You’re good at that,” Harry murmured, looking up at Louis, a flash of something like jealousy in his eyes. Louis huffed a small laugh before leaning down to kiss Harry hard, all tongue and teeth, the younger boy kissing back just as passionately.

“I’ve had plenty of practice,” Louis murmured with a wicked smirk and Harry scowled before leaning in to bite down hard on Louis’ lower lip. Louis hissed a little at the sting and kissed Harry until he was panting hard into his mouth.

“You’re such a dick,” Harry whined into his mouth and Louis huffed out a laugh before kissing down Harry’s neck slowly.

“You love me,” Louis purred against his skin and Harry shifted his hips in need.

“Fuck,” Harry whined above him, back arching when Louis leaned down to suck one of his pretty little nipples into his mouth.

Louis moved to lick and bite his way down Harry’s body, sucking a bruise low into the V of his groin, breathing in the smell of Harry’s skin.

“Please,” Harry whimpered and Louis pressed a gentle kiss to the skin below his navel.

“Shhh, baby, I’ve got you,” Louis whispered against his skin and Harry settled down a little at the comfort. Louis pressed a kiss to the head of Harry’s cock but quickly moved past it. He tucked his hands behind Harry’s knees and used the hold to push them up until his body was doubled over, his thighs pressed to his stomach and his body laid bare for Louis’ eyes.

Harry panted heavily above him as Louis pressed a barely there kiss to the delicate skin of Harry’s hole. He laved his tongue across it and had to grind his own hips down onto the bed when Harry whimpered above him. He licked over Harry more firmly, keeping up a steady rhythm that had the younger boy keening out desperately. When he dipped the tip of his tongue inside of him Harry moaned so loud it had to have hurt his throat.

“More, more, please, Lou, more,” Harry babbled and Louis obeyed, pressing his tongue inside of Harry with a gentle firmness that had Harry letting out the most beautiful sounds Louis had ever heard. Louis’ hands kept Harry’s legs pinned to his stomach so there was nothing the boy could do but take everything Louis gave him.

He fucked his tongue into Harry in a steady rhythm that made Harry’s cock leak pre-cum onto his pale stomach as his chest heaved with gasping breaths. Louis pulled back to sit on his haunches, lifting a hand to wipe the back of it over his mouth. Harry looked up at him with heavy-lidded eyes and pink lips slick and swollen from the sting of his own teeth. Louis leaned up to rub his thumb over Harry’s lower lip and the younger boy opened his mouth eagerly. Louis pressed his thumb inside and groaned softly as Harry sucked on it happily.

Louis pulled his thumb out of Harry’s mouth and leaned over the side of the bed to grab the lube and a condom from his cabinet.

“Lou?” Harry murmured and Louis moved back to lean over him, rubbing their noses together.

“Yeah, baby?” Louis murmured, looking down into Harry’s glassy green eyes.

“I went to the doctors with Zayn last week,” Harry murmured, looking almost shy all of a sudden.

“Okay?” Louis replied, brows drawing together in confusion.

“I had tests done . . . I’m clean,” Harry whispered, eyes flitting down to glance at the condom in Louis’ hand meaningfully. Louis’ eyes widened as he realised what Harry was saying to him.

“You’re clean?” Louis mumbled back, a little dazed from what Harry was suggesting.

“Yeah, you are too, right?” Harry whispered nervously and Louis nodded, swallowing hard. Harry gave him a bright but nervous smile “. . . And since I’m not sleeping with anyone, apart from you, then it’d be safe to go without,” Harry murmured softly, eyes wide and swimming with emotion as he looked up at Louis. Louis leaned down and kissed him hard, trying to pour all the love in his heart into the kiss.

“You’re sure?” Louis panted into Harry’s mouth.

“I’m sure . . . Please, Lou,” Harry replied breathlessly and Louis nodded, kissing him once again before moving back to slick his fingers with lube. He grabbed the discarded condom from the sheets with lube-slick fingers and threw it across the room where it hit the wall and fell to the floor, making Harry laugh breathlessly.

Louis leaned down to kiss Harry as he gently pushed the first finger inside of him. He pulled back to watch Harry’s face as he fingered him and Harry’s body all but melted into the sheets, his eyes fluttering and his lips parting to let out soft sounds of pleasure that made Louis’ cock throb for attention. When Louis added a second finger Harry hummed in pleasure and pressed his hips down onto his hand at an angle that had him gasping out as Louis’ fingers nudged his prostate. Louis picked up the speed of his fingers until he was fucking into Harry with quick flicks of his wrist and Harry was a writhing mess on his sheets.

“Lou . . .” Harry whimpered and Louis added another finger, Harry letting out a desperate sound that had pleasure jerking in Louis’ abdomen.

“You okay, baby?” Louis breathed, never slowing the relentless movements of his fingers. Harry’s legs were twisting on the sheets, his back arching, his wrists pulling against Louis’ tie.

“Yeah,” Harry almost sobbed out, his gorgeous body flushed and glistening with perspiration.

“Are you ready for me, baby? Do you want more?” Louis murmured and Harry nodded franticly, opening his eyes to look up at Louis with pleading, glassy green eyes.

Louis nodded back and carefully removed his fingers from the heat of Harry’s body. He squirted lube onto the palm of his hand and worked it up and down his own length, breaths stuttering as he finally gets some friction on his cock. He removed his hand and moved to lean over Harry on all fours.

“How do you want this, baby? What do you want?” Louis murmured, Harry stroking his ankle up the back of Louis’ thigh.

“On m’stomach,” Harry slurred, head tilted back and eyes half closed, looking utterly wrecked, and fuck if it didn’t make Louis feel desperate, “From behind. I want you to fuck me,” Harry murmured throatily and Louis groaned helplessly, leaning down to kiss Harry hot and hard.

He helped Harry turn onto his stomach, the tie twisting along with him to keep his wrists bound. Instead of pulling the younger boy up onto his knees, Louis gripped one thigh and pushed it up the bed sheets so he was laid flat and spread out for him. He moved to lay atop Harry’s thin body, his arm taking most of his weight where he leaned his elbow beside Harry’s shoulder. He reached down to press the head of his cock to Harry’s entrance, the younger boy gasping and wiggling his hips to urge Louis to go faster. Louis pressed a gentling kiss to the nape of Harry’s neck as he steadily began to push his length inside of him. He heard Harry suck in a deep breath and he let it out in a rush when Louis bottomed out, his hips pressed tight to Harry’s arse, and Harry moaned, high-pitched and desperate, into the pillow.

Louis kissed along Harry’s shoulders and circled his hips in small motions that let Harry get used to the feel of his length, but also had the added benefit of brushing against Harry’s prostate steadily.

“Move, move, move,” Harry panted into the sheets, turning his head to the side so Louis could see his eyes were squeezed shut in pleasure.

Louis pulled his hips back and fucked back into Harry’s body firmly, not moving his body too far from Harry’s with each thrust, more of a deep grind than anything. Harry was loud beneath him, responding so beautifully to Louis fucking him and it tightened something in Louis’ chest. He kept up a steady pace as he leaned down to kiss the skin behind Harry’s ear.

“I fucking love you,” Louis breathed and Harry moaned long and hard as he came onto Louis’ sheets, his body clenching around Louis’ length and pulling his orgasm from him. Louis came into Harry’s body with a groan, pressing his mouth between Harry’s shoulder blades to muffle the sound.

He panted into Harry’s skin as he came down from the high, sucking in a breath before picking himself up and slowly pulling out of Harry’s body. He moved to lay beside the breathless boy on his sheets and tugged him into his arms. Harry happily curled up against Louis’ chest, pressing soft kisses to Louis’ chest tattoo.

“I love you,” Harry whispered against his skin and Louis smiled.

“I love you too, darling.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you thought and this is the time where it'd be really helpful for you to tell me what kind of answers you want for the next chapter of this fic. Let me know what you like, what you want to be addressed, what you'd want to see from Harry and Louis in the next chapter :)
> 
> Thank you for reading! xxxxx

**Author's Note:**

> So i'd love to hear any thoughts you guys have so far?
> 
> btw i have no idea how long this fic will be, i kind of just write until i naturally get to an ending haha.  
> My tumblr is http://thedeliciousrude.tumblr.com/ in case you have any questions or just want to chat.


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